20 of Betty White's best Golden Girls quotes that still make us laugh

"Ladies of the Evening" (season 2, episode 2)

The girls get swept up in a prostitution bust. Yes, really.

Rose: Downtown? He means jail!

Dorothy (Bea Arthur): Oh really, Rose, I thought he meant Neiman Marcus.

Rose: I've never been in jail. I won't make it. They always prey on the weak and innocent. The others will taunt me for trying to excel at my work in the laundry. I'll fall in with a bad crowd, whose leader looks like Ethel Merman. And I'll be forced to engineer a daring prison break using my laundry cart. From that time on, I won't know a moment's peace. I'll scar my fingerprints with battery acid and I'll run from town to town, taking jobs that people have who got bad grades in school. And then one day, they'll find me, holed up in a little shack in the Louisiana bayou. And a sheriff named Bull will call my name out over a megaphone and when I make a run for it he'll riddle my body with bullets! Oh, please don't let them take me downtown! I want to live! I want to live!

Dorothy: You're not very good in a crisis, are you, Rose?

"Family Affair" (season 2, episode 7)

Rose and Dorothy work on a jingle for a contest.

Dorothy: Yeah, but the lyrics don't make any sense! I mean, it goes, ''Miami is nice/So I'll say it twice.''

Rose: Ooooh, I see your point. Well, what about this: ''Miami is nice/So I'll say it thrice!''

Dorothy: Thrice?! Who the hell says thrice?!

Rose: It's a word!

Dorothy: So is intrauterine. It does not belong in a song.

Rose: "Miami/You're cuter than/an intrauterine..."

"The Actor" (season 2, episode 14)

The girls talk about meeting a TV heartthrob.

Dorothy: I cannot believe that I’m actually going to meet Patrick Vaughn. Boy, I’ve had a crush on him for years. He is the sexiest actor on TV.”

Rose: “I hate to admit it, but he melts my Häagen-Daz.”

"Empty Nests" (season 2, episode 26)

The girls help their neighbors in this backdoor pilot for spinoff sitcom Empty Nest.

Rose: I used to loooove washing dishes! In Minnesota, the whole family'd get together and wash dishes. Even Uncle Gustav, after the giant Swiss Army Knife accident, learned to dry dishes with his feet. We used to laugh and carry on and have such a happy time.

Sophia (Estelle Getty): What is it with you people? All you ever had were happy times?! It's sickening! Happy times freezing in the cold! Happy times during the locust invasion, happy times eating reindeer! How about death? Did you have happy times then?

Rose: Yes, actually, we did. It was a chance to get together and remember other happy times!

"One for the Money" (season 3, episode 2)

Everyone reminisces, cuing various flashbacks. Then Blanche (Rue McClanahan), Dorothy, and Rose all show up at the same dance tournament — which they each thought they were keeping secret from the others.

Rose: Hi, girls!

Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?

Rose: No, it's me, Rose! I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.

"A Visit From Little Sven" (season 3, episode 9)

Rose's cousin Sven (Casey Sander) visits, and accidentally falls for Blanche.

Rose: I got caught up at work and I barely had time to pick up this cake. I wanted to make Sven feel welcome.

Blanche: Rose! That cake is from the Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop!

Dorothy: *looks at the cake* Whoa-ho!

Blanche: Why, Rose Nylund! Why, that cake is in the shape of —

Dorothy: Blanche, we know what it is.

Rose: I thought it was the shape of Florida!

"Three on a Couch" (season 3, episode 11)

The girls' bickering reaches new heights, and they seek the help of a therapist.

Rose: [on Blanche] I think she's a garconanokin.

Doctor: Well, what exactly does that mean?

Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white. But, in general, it refers to the kind of person you don't want to share your hoodencoggles with.

Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words, so help me —

Rose: Oh, blow it out your tubenburbles!

"The Artist" (season 3, episode 13)

Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose discover that they've each posed nude for the same artist.

Rose: Sophia, what are you doing with that heavy coat on inside the house?

Sophia: [flashes Rose] You tell me, Rose!

Dorothy: Ma!

Rose: Dorothy, was Sophia naked just now, or does her dress really need ironing?

"Dorothy's New Friend" (season 3, episode 15)

Dorothy's new friend Barbara (Bonnie Bartlett) rubs the rest of the crowd the wrong way.

Barbara: No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.

Rose: I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows in them.

"Dorothy's New Friend" (season 3, episode 15)

Rose learns first impressions aren't always right.

Blanche: What was your first impression of me?

Rose: I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don’t wear too much makeup.

"Mixed Blessing" (season 3, episode 23)

Dorothy's son (Scott Jacoby) surprises her with news of his engagement to a middle-aged Black woman.

Rose: The same thing happened to the Bigbotters back in St. Olaf. You see, Gretchen had this thing for Buddy, but Mr. Bigbotter didn't approve — he did his best to keep them apart. But, one day he came home early and found Gretchen and Buddy in...how will I say it...a most indelicate situation.

Dorothy: What did he do?

Rose: Well, he yelled at them to stop, but they wouldn't, so he turned the hose on them!

Blanche: He turned the hose on them?!

Rose: Well, they were in the front yard!

Dorothy: Wait, wait, wait a minute, Rose. Buddy and Gretchen weren't people, were they?

Rose: Of course not; they were dogs! Gretchen was a Dalmatian and Buddy was a schnauzer. And Mr. Bigbotter wasn't too happy when he ended up with a litter of schnalmatians!

"Yokel Hero" (season 4, episode 4)

Rose is nominated for St. Olaf's Woman of the Year award.

Rose: You know, it doesn't matter whether I win, I mean, just being nominated is enough.

Blanche: That's a good attitude, Rose.

Rose: It's also a crock of bull, I want that sucker bad!

"Sophia's Wedding, Part 1" (season 4, episode 6)

Sophia reconnects with an old friend, and Rose forms an Elvis fan club.

Blanche: Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?

Rose: Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?

"Scared Straight" (season 4, episode 9)

Blanche's brother (Monte Markham) visits, and Rose helps convince him to come out to Blanche.

Blanche: Rose, honey, there's something I have to say to you. It's just two little words, but they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.

Rose: ''Not tonight''?

"Valentine's Day" (season 4, episode 15)

The girls find themselves dateless on Valentine's Day.

Dorothy: Blanche, Steve called and canceled your date, didn't he?

Blanche: Yes!

Rose: How did you know that, Dorothy?

Dorothy: I'm clairvoyant, Rose.

Rose: You're so lucky. I get into a pool, I sink like a stone.

"All That Jazz" (season 5, episode 10)

Dorothy's son returns, and Rose copes with work-related stress.

Rose: The hardest part for me was explaining to my Kirstin the difference between boys and girls. I knew the time had come, but I kept putting it off. Finally, I decided it was time to take the bull by the horns.

Blanche: So you told her?

Rose: No! I took the bull by the horns, turned him around, and showed her what makes a bull a bull.

Blanche: You are kidding, Rose?

Rose: No! That's how my mother taught me.

Blanche: Honey, didn't that give you a false impression about...what a man would look like?

Rose: It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie? Boy, that bull would have been jealous!

"All Bets Are Off" (season 5, episode 24)

Rose starts painting.

Rose: I don't know, I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.

Dorothy: How come?

Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.

Dorothy: Please, Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.

Rose: It's not that long.

Dorothy: No.

Rose: It has a surprise ending.

Dorothy: All right, Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!

Rose: ...Splat.

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...Before They Die" (season 6, episode 10)

Everyone takes advice from Blanche. Bad idea.

Rose: I just got a special delivery letter from St. Olaf! Uh-oh, it's from the Department of Water and Coffee.

Dorothy: Coffee?

Rose: No thanks, it makes me jumpy.

"Melodrama" (season 6, episode 19)

Rose tries being a TV reporter.

Dorothy: Rose, leave the glasses in the refrigerator, close the door, and keep your head out here with us.

Rose: Well, how will I know if they fog up?

Dorothy: The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.

Rose: I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.

"From Here to the Pharmacy" (season 7, episode 12)

Rose helps Sophia write her will.

Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter! Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!

Sophia: What a terrible story. I mean it — it's a terrible story! But you must have been relieved when you won.

Rose: Oh yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak.