Terms like secret dating, private dating or secret romance refer to the concept of dating or romance between people who wish keep it private from others they might otherwise normally inform.[1] It often overlaps with concepts like forbidden love (such as in affairs or disputes between families). It is presented in titles such as Secret Love.
Reasons for secret dating
editSexual orientation (LGBT)
editHomosexuality and LGBT identity is a taboo in some regions of the world, including in most of Africa and Asia.[2] It is therefore, not difficult to see people involved in secret dating with same sex partners in those regions of the world. A historian, Daniel Rivers threw light on how gay parents were in constant fear in the early '70s and '80s of losing their children, in his book, Radical Relations: Lesbian Mothers, Gay Fathers, and Their Children in the United States since World War II.[3][4][5]
Older women looking for young men
editOne of the factors that make people resort to secret dating is their age. Some women prefer to date younger men in their twenties. Because this is not a norm in their society, they may experiment with distance relationships.[6]
Disadvantages of secret dating
editA major disadvantage of secret dating is the risk of being scammed. Since the relationship is kept private, the individuals involved tend to keep details confidential. Detecting fraudulent behavior from the other party may take considerable time in such cases. In contrast, in more open relationships, individuals, especially women, often share relationship details with others. Majority of private dating take place on the internet.[7] With the advent of the online solutions like Tinder and Badoo, scamming and manipulations between the parties have increased. The disadvantages of this type of dating now include stalking and constant need of personal possession.[8]
Examples
editCheating
edit- John Tucker Must Die
- Pretty Little Liars: Ian Thomas with Alison DiLaurentis behind Melissa Hastings back, and Hanna Marin secretly dating Caleb Rivers
- Rebelde Way: Victoria Paz secretly dates Tomás Ezcurra behind Pablo Bustamante's back
Family disapproval
edit- Daddy's Little Girl (novel)
- Late Marriage
- Night and Day (TV series): Alex Wells was secretly dating his daughter Della Wells' best friend Jane Harper
- Romeo and Juliet
Other
edit- Cougar Town: Julia "Jules" Kiki Cobb-Ellis and Grayson Ellis keep their friends with benefits relationship secret
- Degrassi: The Next Generation: Peter Michael Stone secretly dates Emma Nelson and Darcy Edwards
- Flawless (book): Melissa finds out Spencer has been secretly dating her ex-boyfriend, Wren
- Friends: Monica Geller and Chandler Bing keep their relationship secret at first, but are eventually discovered by Phoebe Buffay and Rachel Green
- The Office (American TV series): Erin Hannon and Pete Miller start dating but keep their relationship secret from Andy Bernard, but Erin had already broken up with Andy
- Scandal (TV series): Liza Weil secretly dates Billy Chambers
- Zoey 101: Logan Reese and Quinn Pensky hid their relationship, because they did not want to hinder their high school reputation (Logan Reese being a mean jock who cannot commit, and Quinn Pensky being an awkward geek), but they later announced their relationship at prom.
See also
editReferences
edit- ^ Rudder, Christian (2014-09-28). "Seven secrets of dating from the experts at OkCupid". The Guardian.
- ^ "Obama Fights Nigerian Anti-Gay Bill, Threatens To Cut Off Aid". Forbes (USA). 11 September 2011. Retrieved 7 May 2018.
- ^ Rivers, Daniel Winunwe (2013-09-03). Radical Relations: Lesbian Mothers, Gay Fathers, and Their Children in the United States since World War II. UNC Press Books. ISBN 978-1-4696-0719-1.
- ^ L. Patrick, Wendy (2019-03-07). "The Truth About Secret Relationships". psychologytoday. Retrieved 2024-01-15.
- ^ "How Growing Up With A Mom In A Secret Lesbian Relationship Shaped My Life". HuffingtonPost (USA). 15 March 2018. Retrieved 7 May 2018.
- ^ "Cougar World". Forbes (India). 2009-09-29. Retrieved 2018-05-07.
- ^ Boudreau, Abbie (2018-07-19). "Dating Scams Flourish Online". CNN. Retrieved 2018-05-07.
- ^ "How to be better at online dating, according to psychology". NBC. 2019-03-16. Retrieved 2019-11-11.
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