Please Don’t Go On ‘The Bachelorette’ If You’re A “Love Virgin”

When The Bachelor Season 28 cast two sisters to date Joey Graziadei earlier this year, I argued that siblings needed to stop going on reality TV dating shows together. Now, as The Bachelorette Season 21 airs and fresh chaos ensues, I’m back with another plea: Let Sam Nejad be the last “love virgin” the franchise casts.

Before the Sam N. stans (or fellow love virgins) come for me, let me preface my argument by saying I’m not here to judge anyone’s experience (or lack thereof). I don’t care how old you are when you have your first kiss or first romantic relationship. Whenever you lose your virginity should be up to you. If you want to wait for marriage I support that! And dating is hard as hell, so if you’re a love virgin, don’t you dare feel any shame! I just don’t think it’s the best idea for love virgins to be cast on Bachelor shows. Why? Let’s rewind to the start of Jenn’s season, shall we?

On Night 1 of The Bachelorette‘s Season 21 premiere, Sam N., a 25-year-old entrepreneur from Carlsbad, California, hopped out of the limo and declared, “I’m a virgin…a love virgin! I’ve never been in love.” The line felt both cringey (because why is that the first thing you’re saying to this woman?) and endearing (because it carried a compelling air of innocence). As the night progressed, Sam N. told Jenn that both of his parents were born in Iran, he had no girlfriends growing up, and he dates with the intention of getting married. After hearing more of his backstory, I better understood his decision to come on the show and thought that maybe, just maybe, he could be in the right place to find love after all. Three episodes in, however, the hopeful love virgin vibes shifted.

While Sam N.’s screen time during Episodes 1 and 2 was largely wholesome and drama-free, he struggled a great deal during Episode 3 after Jenn invited him on the Love Down Under group date. The date was essentially a competitive strip show, which made Sam visibly uncomfortable. “I am mortified when I find out what we’re going to be doing,” he told cameras. “I didn’t come here to strip I came here for love.” During rehearsals, Sam claimed he sustained a thumb injury, and when it came time to strip down, he kept his robe on, took the mic, and made a grand romantic speech instead.

The fact that Sam N. didn’t want to take his clothes off on television wasn’t the issue. The drama unfolded after the self-labeled love virgin told Jenn, “I’m already falling in love with you,” after spending mere minutes with her on the journey. Later that night as Sam spiraled over his premature love confession, several guys questioned how he even knew what love was. Valid! Meanwhile Jenn told him, “Stop discrediting yourself. I love that you’re sharing it. I don’t want you to ever feel ashamed of telling me how you feel.” And Devin piled on support, saying, “It’s not bad for him to feel how he feels because he’s never been there…You have no reason to feel sorry for what you do and who you are. You deserve to feel how you feel.” Also valid!

If Sam N. was genuinely in the early stages of falling in love, I’m happy for him. But Episode 3 reminded me that an unnaturally competitive environment and an accelerated, unconventional process like The Bachelorette can be especially challenging and confusing for someone with little dating experience.

We’ve seen past franchise alum open up about lack of physical experience before. Off the top of my head I recall Colton Underwood revealing he was a virgin on Becca Kurfin’s season of The Bachelorette and Heather Martin telling Colton she was a virgin and had never been kissed on his Bachelor season. But the thought of a self-described love virgin who told Jenn he didn’t even know how to HOLD HER HAND putting himself on the fast track to an engagement while the girl he’s falling for dates 20+ other guys severely stresses me out. This man is NOT ready to get engaged in a matter of weeks, and Jenn deserves someone who can meet her where she’s at.

After learning that Sam N. has nearly 200,000 Instagram followers, nearly 300,000 TikTok followers, and had appeared on a YouTube show in August 2023 titled, “Girls Blind Rank Guys Kissing,” I admittedly started to question his true intentions on The Bachelorette. I also found a podcast from 2023 where he maintains that he’s never been in a relationship, so at least that fact seems to track. There’s a chance that Sam N. is simply a well-intentioned man who’s never dated, wants a wife, and thinks the show can help him achieve that while making up for lost time. There’s also a chance he went on the show to boost his online following. And there’s a chance that it’s both! But regardless of his Bachelorette motivation, I wish he hadn’t been cast!

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When the end goal is to get engaged after a few weeks of limited dating time, casting a “love virgin” feels unfair to everyone involved. Someone who’s never been in a romantic relationship deserves a healthier, less chaotic first experience outside of the reality TV world. And leads looking to find forever partners and swiftly settle down deserve contestants with the relationship experience needed to conceivably get to that stage in such a short timeline.

So (Sabrina Carpenter voice) please, please, please…if you’re so inexperienced with dating, physical intimacy, or romantic love that you feel pressured to label yourself a love virgin seconds after meeting your potential fiancé on a dating show, consider not going on the show!

Learn from Sam M.’s mistakes and consider a dating app, a set-up from a trusted friend, or really any lower-stakes dating option out there first! And if those dates or relationships don’t wind up in an engagement, by all means, try your luck with the Bachelor franchise.

New episodes of The Bachelorette Season 21 premiere Mondays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC with next-day streaming on Hulu. And be sure to read Decider’s pre-premiere interview with Jenn Tran for more exciting tidbits.