Barbie (5 Stars)

It is literally impossible to be a woman.

We have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.

You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. 

You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

You're supposed to love being a mother but don't talk about your kids all the damn time.

You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behaviour, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining.

You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful.

But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you!

And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.

Success Rate:  + 9.3

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The Fall Guy (5 Stars)

I'm growing to like the director David Leitch more and more. His films are always full of exaggerated action sequences. He can't be faulted. But sometimes I'm weird. I went into the cinema today with my mind made up to give "The Fall Guy" a four star rating. Ryan Gosling is an actor that I don't usually like. This was sealed by his awful performance in "La La Land". And he's the last actor I'd consider for an action role in a David Leitch film.

But as the film progressed, I couldn't help but realise that it's a straight five star film. The film won me over, and Ryan Gosling won me over.

Gosling plays a stunt man called Colt Seavers. In the 1980's there was a television series about a stunt man called Colt Seavers, but it's wrong to say that the film is based on the series. Apart from the name and the career, there's no comparison between the film and the series.

Colt is one of Hollywood's top stunt men, and he has a close connection with the action hero Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), for whom he regularly steps in as his stunt double. Tom's fame is largely due to the stunts performed by Colt. Colt is the unseen hero. Only film insiders know his name.

Colt has an accident while performing a dangerous stunt which puts him in hospital for over a year. He doesn't want to return to his old career. He becomes a valet parking cars. But his ex-girlfriend is directing her first movie, and she asks him to return to make the film a success. It goes one step further. The lead actor of the film is Tom Ryder, but he's disappeared. The producer wants Colt to find him, and if he can't find him he should step in and become the lead actor himself.

It's difficult to describe the action that takes place, on the film set and in the real world. Ryan Gosling is surprisingly convincing as an action hero. Five stars.

Barbie (5 Stars)

"Barbie" isn't in my top 100 films list at the moment, but I'll add it the next time I revise my list. That's a promise. It only became eligible for my list today. I only put films in my list that are available for me to watch whenever I want. That usually means that I own the film on Blu-ray or DVD, but I also accept films of which I have a digital copy. I bought "Barbie" today as a special offer for 99 cents.

"The Marvels" was criticised for having too much emphasis on a message. But look at "Barbie". The message is laid on thick for the whole film, but it's still an excellent film, because it also has a good story. I don't care about messages, unless it's a message that I'm violently opposed to. I want a good story, and that's something that "Barbie" has. It was the biggest box office success of 2023, and deservedly so. We need more films like "Barbie". We need more Barbie (and less Ken).

In Germany there were complaints about the film's age rating. It's allowed to be watched by children from the age of 6, but many people consider it unsuitable for children, in particular unsuitable for young girls. They say the film brainwashes young girls to look down on men. So what? We live in a new age. After thousands of years of being suppressed, women are learning that they don't need men. They can live their own lives, with or without a man. Insecure men are taking the path of claiming to be women in men's bodies to raise themselves to women's level. I'm sorry to say it, but no amount of putting on women's clothes or cutting off parts of your body will ever make you a man. You'll never be a Barbie, the best you can be is a Ken.

Success Rate:  + 9.3

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Barbie (5 Stars)

Today was the eighth day that "Barbie" is being shown in the cinema, and it's still sold out. Almost. When I booked a ticket, there were only three seats to choose from, but in the cinema there were four empty seats in front of me. It's possible to reserve a seat online and collect the ticket 30 minutes before it starts.

What was noticeable is that there were hardly any men in the audience. I looked around before the lights went out, and I could only see three other men. That's understandable, since it's a film about a doll for girls, but it's still unfortunate. Men are the film's target audience. It's a film all men should watch and learn from. As other reviewers have pointed out, every man in the film is stupid, a bigot or a pathetic loser. Those three categories aren't mutually exclusive. There hasn't been a film that puts men down so much since the days of Russ Meyer, who divided men into two categories:

The first type of man is weak and stupid, but sexually capable.

The second type of man is strong and stupid, but sexually impotent.

The women are all strong, intelligent and sexually demanding.

The difference in "Barbie" is that sex doesn't play a role. Or does it? Ken (Ryan Gosling) is embarrassed when Barbie (Margot Robbie) tells men at a building site that he doesn't have a penis. Barbie doesn't have a vagina, but that doesn't bother her. Women are able to do without men. There's a running joke in the film that Ken wants to be Barbie's boyfriend, but she turns him down. She wants them to be just friends. The modern Barbie doesn't need a man.

In the film the universe is divided into two worlds: Barbieland and the Real World. (The capitals are deliberate). Barbieland is ruled by women, who are intelligent and powerful and party every day. In the Real World there's supposedly equality of the sexes, but in practise it's ruled by men, who are stupid and bigoted.

The film highlights the problem with women's equality, a movement which came to public notice in the early 20th Century. The women who led the suffragette movement had good intentions, but they were doomed to fail. Women's equality is impossible, as the last 100 years have shown. If women say "We want to be equal", the men will grin and say Yes, giving them a figment of equality. In large companies like Mattel a few women are promoted to high positions to hide the fact that almost all the bosses are men. The suffragettes didn't go far enough. It wasn't enough that women should be allowed to vote, men should be forbidden to vote. The suffragettes said, "You've been suppressing us for the last 3000 years, so let's forget about it and be equal partners". They should have said, "Now it's our turn to suppress you for the next 3000 years".

"Barbie" contrasts the two systems: women rule Barbieland and men rule the Real World. Is Barbieland a perfect world? Not quite. The film shows the rise of toxic masculinity in Barbieland. The men should be happy to be Just Ken. It's not a bad life.

Song To Song (1 Star)

I very rarely give a film a one star rating. For me that's rock bottom, it means that the film has no redeeming qualities. Whenever I see a film I don't like I deliberately search for things I can praise about it. I did that today when I watched "Song To Song".

The film is about love and music. Those are two topics I like. In both cases, the film is about them, but we don't see them. There are big concerts, and we see artists like Iggy Pop, Johnny Rotten and Patti Smith talking backstage, but we don't see them perform. There are couples who say they love one another, but we don't see any passion. It's all so sterile.

But what is the film really about? What does the director want to say? If the film has a message, I can't see it. Supposedly the film's original cut lasted eight hours, but it was shortened to two hours for the theatrical release. Maybe the eight hour version would have explained more. Or maybe it would have been four times as boring.

Despite the abundance of great actors, I sat in front of the screen feeling bored. It's painful to even write about it, so I'll stop here.

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Place Beyond The Pines (2 Stars)

I've known about this film for a few years and had only heard good about it. After watching it today I don't understand why the critics unite in praising it. Rather than being a consistent narrative it rambles on from one story to another, changing the lead character in the style of a soap opera. For the first 90 minutes I had difficulty maintaining interest and almost turned it off. It was only in the last 45 minutes when Dane DeHaan's character was introduced that I began too enjoy the film.

The story is about a policeman who shoots a bank robber in the line of duty. He's plagued by guilt and leaves the police force to enter politics. 16 years later his son becomes friends with the son of the man he killed, not knowing about their connection.

The film takes place in three stages, like a play in three acts, with different characters who come and go:

1. The bank robber and his life.
2. The policeman and his moral struggles.
3. The policeman's son.

Maybe the film could have been made better, but I don't know how.

The seemingly random film title is the English translation of Schenectady, the name of the town in upstate New York where the film takes place.

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Drive (4 Stars)

After watching "Neon Demon" last week I decided to watch a few more films directed by Nicolas Winding Refn. Luckily several of them are available on Netflix. I'm beginning to get a feeling for his style now. He and his films have never been nominated for Academy Awards, but he's a favourite at independent film festivals, most notably at the Cannes Film Festival. His two most highly praised films so far have been "Neon Demon" and "Drive".

First of all I'll state my biggest criticism of "Drive": it's too short. The plot is complex, so 100 minutes isn't enough. A running time of 150 minutes would have done more justice to the subplots, as well as further developing the characters. Is there a director's cut lying in a draw somewhere?

Ryan Gosling is the film's unnamed hero. He's moved to Los Angeles to make it big, like so many other anonymous faces in and around the film industry. His job of choice is as a stunt driver. Nobody can crash a car like him. Aren't stunt men the most anonymous of all film stars? They're paid to remain unseen.

His relative success in Hollywood isn't enough to pay the bills. He works as a car mechanic. He also does freelance work as a getaway driver for robberies. It's all very impersonal. He doesn't want to make friends, he just does his job. He doesn't even speak to the crooks that he drives to and from crime scenes. They respect him for his driving skills, not for his personality.

He becomes romantically attached to his neighbour, a woman whose husband is in prison. It's a very underplayed romance. He's a decent man and respects the woman's marriage. When the husband is released from prison they make friends, and he offers to help him pay off debts to other criminals. He offers his services as a getaway driver to rob a pawn shop, but the robbery turns out wrong. Instead of the relatively small takings the Italian mafia is using the shop to store over a million dollars. The innocent driver gets caught up in a mob war in which he's the designated scapegoat. Or is he so innocent? That isn't clear. He might be a quiet person whose casual attitude makes other people think he doesn't know what he's doing, but he's more than able to handle himself in a fight.

The film is characterised by two features: bright colours and extreme violence. The style is very much like Quentin Tarantino's films, or at least it would be if there were more conversations. That's why "Drive" needs an extra 50 minutes. And, of course, Tarantino's films don't have such dazzling colours.

I can't help feeling that Nicolas Winding Refn is still slowly developing his style. His big masterpiece is yet to come. I can hardly wait.

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Blade Runner 2049 (4 Stars)

This is a visually stunning film, clearly superior to the original. The atmosphere is so intense that it's terrifying. This film makes it clear that the world of Blade Runner is a post-apocalyptic scenario, which was only hinted at in the first film.

I went to see "Blade Runner" with the Birmingham Film Group, and we were more than 20 people. I wish the Stuttgart Cinema Meetup were as successful. When we discussed the film afterwards there were mixed opinions. Some considered it to be brilliant, whereas others considered it to be boring because it was too slow and unintelligible. Yes, the film is slow, but that's its strength. Yes, the film is difficult to understand, but when I sat at home in the evening and thought about it everything slotted into place. This is a film that needs to be watched more than once to be appreciated, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it even more next time.

La La Land (3 Stars)

This is the in film at the moment. Everyone is talking about it, especially after it won seven awards at the Golden Globes. It's the #1 favourite to win the Best Film prize at this year's Academy Awards. I found the trailer very impressive. A return to the golden age of Hollywood musicals? Bring it on!

I could hardly wait to see the film in the cinema. I made sure that I went to an English language screening. (In Germany films are usually dubbed). I was surprised to find the cinema packed. There were at least 200 people with me, an extraordinary number for a film not in German.

The film began. The song and dance number on the freeway was overwhelmingly uplifting. I was immediately won over. The following first steps towards a romance between the two main characters tugged at my heart strings. Then came the song and dance number on the hill overlooking Los Angeles. Pure vintage Hollywood. Okay, neither Ryan Gosling nor Emma Stone are outstanding dancers, but they did their best, and their enthusiasm was laudable.

That was the film's high point. From then on it went downhill. The musical numbers, the main reason I wanted to see the film, became fewer as the film continued. Emma Stone's performance in the romantic scenes was riveting, but Ryan Gosling was dull in comparison. He's never been one of my favourite actors, and "La La Land" did nothing to change my opinion of him.

The film's concept is good. We want another Hollywood musical. We need another Hollywood musical. Lots of them. But let's do it better. Instead of choosing A-list actors as crowd pullers the next musical should feature Broadway stars who can actually dance. The film should be jam-packed with musical numbers with only short pieces of dialogue in between.

If you think I'm being harsh in my criticism, watch any musical starring Gene Kelly. "Singing in the Rain" is his most famous film, though I prefer "Cover Girl". There's no comparison, is there? "La La Land" is dull in comparison. They really don't make them like they used to.

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The Big Short (4 Stars)

This is an interesting experiment. Can a good film be made about a boring subject? The answer is Yes. The film succeeds in making intricate details of the American stock market fascinating. On the other hand, I can't honestly say that I understood everything in the film. It was especially difficult for me to understand the first 20 minutes when Dr. Michael Burry persuades the banks to create bonds for him to invest in.

The film begins in 2005. Everyone trusts the housing market. "Safe as houses" is a well known slogan. Only one man, an eccentric fund manager called Michael Burry sees that the American housing market is being propped up by dodgy loans. He predicts that the whole system will come crashing down. And the following years proved him right. When everyone lost billions of dollars he and those who trusted him became very rich.

The film's main weakness is a result of it being a true story. Even though it's one single story, it's separated into different segments that run in parallel. The main four characters never meet one another. They act independently after hearing, directly or indirectly, about Michael Burry's plan.

I need to watch the film again. Maybe I'll enjoy it even more when I can better understand the financial issues involved.

The Notebook (2 Stars)

A love story. It starts with an old couple in a hospital, the man reading the woman a story from a notebook. The story is about a poor boy who falls in love with a rich girl in the American south in 1940. There are problems with the girl's parents and the rich fiance.

The film was recommended strongly, "one of the best love stories ever made". That isn't how I see it. The film was so predictable that I knew what would happen and kept thinking "Get on with it!" For me "The Notebook" is just "Titanic" on dry land. And "Titanic" is better.