"to suffer is as human as to breathe"

Book: When Elephants Fly by Nancy Richardson Fischer | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Synopsis: There are some battles worth fighting even if it means losing yourself.

T. Lily Decker is a high school senior with a twelve-year plan: avoid stress, drugs, alcohol and boyfriends, and take regular psych quizzes administered by her best friend, Sawyer, to make sure she’s not developing schizophrenia. Genetics are not on Lily’s side. When she was seven, her mother, who had paranoid schizophrenia, tried to kill her. And a secret has revealed that Lily’s odds are even worse than she thought. Still, there’s a chance to avoid triggering the mental health condition, if Lily can live a careful life from ages eighteen to thirty, when schizophrenia most commonly manifests.

But when a newspaper internship results in Lily witnessing a mother elephant try to kill her three-week-old calf, Swifty, Lily can’t abandon the story or the calf. With Swifty in danger of dying from grief, Lily must choose whether to risk everything, including her sanity and a first love, on a desperate road trip to save the calf’s life, perhaps finding her own version of freedom along the way.

My Review: This book was truly amazing and something really special. This is a unique story of a girl named Lily with an increased chance of developing schizophrenia due to her family’s history and her journey with a baby elephant, Swifty. Lily is supposed to be avoiding stressful situations for the next 12 years to hopefully avoid developing schizophrenia, but she is pulled into Swifty’s world and has to decide how she wants to live the rest of her life.

“The calf lay beside me, gazing into my eyes. I had the urge to tell her that there’s a relief when you no longer have to prove to the most important person in your life that you’re worthy.”

I do not have schizophrenia or have proper education on it other than briefly discussing it during my psych class last year, so I looked to see what others have said about this books portrayal of it and it seems that from other reviewers that are more educated about it than me that it is a respectful depiction of the illness.This is not a book that romanticizes mental illness. Personally I feel like I learned a lot about schizophrenia by reading this, which was one of the reasons I wanted to read this book, and am really glad that I read it.

I loved elephants before reading this, but I love them even more now. They are so smart, and not to mention adorable. I already knew how they were abused in circuses but I learned a lot about the species and about what the lives of elephants who are out of the wild are like. I think this will really open a lot of people’s eyes, most importantly YOUNG people’s eyes, and hopefully spark a change in how much we as a society do to protect elephants as well as other endangered species and the treatment of animals in general.

This book was well written, the plot was unique and stands out from the crowd, the characters are memorable, and I think people can learn a lot from this book. This book comes out on September 4th, and I will definitely be buying my own copy of it so I can read it again in the future.

“Crazy is genetic. It’s the house I was born inside. There are no windows, just two locked doors. One leads to Normal, the other to Insanity. At some point, I will inherit a key, but I don’t get to pick which door it unlocks.”

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Book: The Ruinous Sweep by Time Wynn-Jones | My Rating: ★ ★ ★

Synopsis: On the night Donovan Turner is thrown out of a car on a highway in the middle of nowhere, he can barely remember his own name, let alone the past twenty-four hours. Where is he? Where is his girlfriend, Bee? In an attempt to flag down the next passing car, he startles the driver, causing a fatal accident. With sirens in the distance and the lingering feeling that he’s running from something — or someone — Donovan grabs the dead driver’s briefcase and flees. Meanwhile, Bee is fighting for Dono’s life every bit as much as he is. But when the police show up and hint that he is the prime suspect in a murder, Bee is determined to put together the pieces of what happened and clear his name. With echoes of Dante’s Divine Comedy, this harrowing journey through hell and back is a page-turning tale of guilt, retribution, love, and redemption.

My Review: I received this ARC from Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review!

I was very curious throughout this book, a boy who’s lost his memories, who may be a possible murder suspect? YES. I am really interested in crim and unsolved mysteries, so this type of story is certainly appealing to me. I think my main problem with this book was Donovan’s POVs. In the beginning I was pretty invested in his chapters, but as they went on I started thinking ‘WHY do we need this aspect?’. Everything did link up in the end, but in particular I felt like his scenes with who I presume was Kali in his room and as he was leaving was unnecessary and had me rolling my eyes. I assume that Donovan’s experiences are the Divine Comedy-esque part of the story, and I feel like if I had read the Divine Comedy I would’ve appreciated this aspect more. I understood what was happening, but honestly after about 120 pages in I was just much more interested in Bee’s POV.

I did really like the second half of this novel, it was what I was wanting it to be from the beginning- full of mystery solving, tense emotions, and action. This story was face-paced, which I really liked, and full of suspenseful, action-filled scenes. Overall, I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it either- the second half of the novel bumped my rating from a 2/2.5 stars to a 3 stars.

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Book: Heartless by Marissa Meyer | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★

Synopsis: Catherine may be one of the most desired girls in Wonderland and a favorite of the unmarried King, but her interests lie elsewhere. A talented baker, she wants to open a shop and create delectable pastries. But for her mother, such a goal is unthinkable for a woman who could be a queen.

At a royal ball where Cath is expected to receive the King’s marriage proposal, she meets handsome and mysterious Jest. For the first time, she feels the pull of true attraction. At the risk of offending the King and infuriating her parents, she and Jest enter into a secret courtship.

Cath is determined to choose her own destiny. But in a land thriving with magic, madness, and monsters, fate has other plans.

My Review: As someone who has always loved Alice in Wonderland since they were young, I thought Marissa Meyer did a really good job writing this. Heartless acts as a sort of prequel to Alice in Wonderland about how the Queen of Hearts became the way she is.

Cath is brave, kind, and hopeful. Cath loves baking, she wants to become more independent and run a bakery with her maid, Mary Ann, creating wonderful desserts for the entire kingdom to enjoy. Unfortunately for her, the king has a fondness for her and wishes for her to become his Queen, which is the last thing she wants. All she wants is to move forward with her bakery and to spend more time with the mysterious and swoon-worthy Jest- the King’s new Court Jester.

“Ah- I almost forgot!” Releasing her hand, Jest removed his hat, bells clinking, and reached inside. He produced a bundle of long white cording. “These belong to you.”
Cath uncertainly took the ropes. “What are-” She gasped. Her hand flew to her back, feeling around the fabric of her dress, detecting the boning of the corset, yes, but… not it’s laces. The back of the corset was split open the full width of her hand.
Heat rushed into her cheeks. “How?”

Cath and Mary Ann’s friendship was so sweet in this book, I loved that even though Mary Ann was her family’s maid, Cath never cared or even thought about the fact that Mary Ann wasn’t in the same social/economic class as her- she was always considered her her best friend no matter what, even if her mother didn’t fully approve of it and their friendship was beautiful.

Cath and Jest’s relationship was adorable and I loved them together. I loved the scene with the two of them by the well, it was so sweet. These two gave me all the fuzzy feelings and their relationship just made me really happy. I think Jest was a great character and I loved all his scenes, whenever he wasn’t there I was just impatiently waiting for him to show up. Something about him was just very sexy, whenever he appeared on the page I didn’t want him to leave. Also can more men, fictional and real life, wear eyeliner please?!

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Lady Catherine Pinkerton of Rock Turtle Cove. I’ve been trying, but it’s useless. You’ve had me mesmerized from the moment I saw you in that red dress, and I don’t know what to do about it, other than to use every skill at my disposal to try and mesmerize you back.”

I’ve seen people saying that Meyer relied too much on Lewis Carroll’s original story, but I have to disagree entirely. She does a great job of creating a clear retelling, but keeping it her own at the same time. The setting is clearly Wonderland and there are many characters (including the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, and my personal favourite the Cheshire Cat) and references to the world we already know, but the story stands on it’s own and I believe that even if someone who didn’t care for the story of Alice in Wonderland read this, they could still enjoy it- in fact, this is exactly the case with my best friend.

Cheshire had started to purr, already ignoring her. Cath cupped her chin with her free hand while Cheshire flopped deliriously onto one side and her strokes moved down to his belly. “Besides, if you ever did eat some bad food, I could still find use for you. I’ve always wanted a cat-drawn carriage.”
Cheshire opened one eye, his pupil stilted and unamused.
“I would dangle balls of yarn and fish bones out in front of you to keep you moving.”
He stopped purring long enough to say, “You are not as cute as you think you are, Lady Pinkerton.”

I re-read Alice in Wonderland shortly after reading this book, and reading it while having the events of this book in my mind made it so interesting, and a little heartbreaking. Seeing the Queen of Hearts so angry about the roses being white and about treacle broke my heart! I think she did a great job of taking ideas from the original story and creating her own twist on them or making them an important, intricate part of her own story when in the original they were just something mentioned in passing, such as the Lobster Quadrille and the Mock Turtle’s origins. After reading this, reading certain parts of the original have some more meaning to them, even if it obviously is not an official prequel as it is not written by Lewis Carroll.

The reason I gave this four stars rather than five was due to the beginning being rather slow- do not get me wrong, it did not bore me, however had it not be set in a world I knew and loved it may have. Also, there was a predictable event that occurred, though it didn’t really bother me that it was predictable and I didn’t know exactly how it would go down, just that it would happen. If you’ve already read this, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Overall though, this was a really enjoyable read and one that I’m sure that I will be reading again in the future!

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Book: All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression, suicide

Synopsis: Theodore Finch is fascinated by death, and he constantly thinks of ways he might kill himself. But each time, something good, no matter how small, stops him. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her Indiana town and her aching grief in the wake of her sister’s recent death.

When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom. And when they pair up on a project to discover the “natural wonders” of their state, both Finch and Violet make more important discoveries: It’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself—a weird, funny, live-out-loud guy who’s not such a freak after all. And it’s only with Finch that Violet can forget to count away the days and start living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink.

My Review: This book is now one of my all time favourite books, and the only contemporary novel on that list. I LOVED this book so much, I know it’s one of those books that I’m going to hold close to my heart for the rest of my life.

For me to like a contemporary novel, it has to be REALLY good or else I tend to get bored. For me to say a contemporary is one of my favourite books I’ve ever read? I’m genuinely shocked and over the moon. This book is better than I had hoped for, and I already had high expectations for it.

The characters felt SO real, I adored Finch and Violet both together and as separate characters. I believed they were in love; it didn’t feel forced or like insta-love, which I always hate, this was genuine love for each other and it was paced perfectly. Finch is one of those characters that is never going to leave me, he has such a memorable voice and I love him.

The writing and the story was, as Finch would put it, lovely. I felt myself relating to both Finch and Violet, they were both amazing, distinct characters. I was concerned at first because this book is in two perspectives written in the first person and I was worried I might mix them up, but Niven did a fantastic job of making them sound different from each other, I always knew who was speaking even if I forgot to look at whose perspective the chapter was in. Their relationship reminded me at times of a relationship I had, so their story together feels quite personal and relatable to me.

I think this book is an important read, it looks at mental health issues and the stigma surrounding it. It discusses how physical diseases/problems are more socially acceptable than mental illnesses such as depression, and does this by actually STATING it, not even just a metaphor or anything. Niven didn’t romanticize mental illness, and shows us that loving someone cannot “cure” their illness, which is something so many authors do, especially when discussing depression and I’m SO thankful that she kept this real.

I would highly recommend this book, but be ready to bawl your eyes out! I know I certainly did and when I rered it in the future I’m sure I’ll sob all over again. But that’s how you know a book is great; when it makes you feel.

“When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don’t seem to matter very much, do they?”

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Book: Strange The Dreamer by Laini Taylor | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Synopsis: The dream chooses the dreamer, not the other way around—and Lazlo Strange, war orphan and junior librarian, has always feared that his dream chose poorly. Since he was five years old he’s been obsessed with the mythic lost city of Weep, but it would take someone bolder than he to cross half the world in search of it. Then a stunning opportunity presents itself, in the person of a hero called the Godslayer and a band of legendary warriors, and he has to seize his chance or lose his dream forever.

What happened in Weep two hundred years ago to cut it off from the rest of the world? What exactly did the Godslayer slay that went by the name of god? And what is the mysterious problem he now seeks help in solving?

The answers await in Weep, but so do more mysteries—including the blue-skinned goddess who appears in Lazlo’s dreams. How did he dream her before he knew she existed? And if all the gods are dead, why does she seem so real?

My Review: Where do I even BEGIN to describe Strange the Dreamer? This was like no book I’ve ever read before- it was so beautiful, poetic, whimsical, enchanting, DREAMY.

“I turned my nightmares into fireflies and caught them in a jar.”

This book is so magical; I think going into this book as blind as possible is the best thing you can do. The writing in this book is absolutely stunning. If I were to compare this writing style to another author it would be Maggie Stiefvater- so no surprise that I am IN LOVE with Taylor’s writing as well.

When it comes to reading, the biggest thing for me is the characters. If the characters aren’t good then I’m not as interested, even if the plot is amazing. But Strange the Dreamer does not disappoint- the characters in this novel are WONDERFUL and feel so real. I fell in love with them immediately, especially Lazlo, Sarai, and Calixte.

She asked in a hesitant whisper, “Do you still think I’m a… a singularly unhorrible demon?”
“No,” he said, smiling. “I think you’re a fairy tale. I think you’re magical, and brave, and exquisite. And…” His voice grew bashful. Only in a dream could he be so bold and speak such words. “I hope you’ll let me be in your story.”

The end of this book had my heart racing and my jaw literally dropped! I will be picking up the second book the day it comes out- hopefully we’ll get a release date soon! :( I don’t know how long I can wait!

This is the first book by Laini Taylor that I have read, and I’m going to be picking up everything she has written and everything she publishes in the future!

“Life won’t just happen to you boy,” he said. “You have to happen to it.”

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Book: The Fever Code by James Dashner | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Synopsis: Once there was a world’s end. The forests burned, the lakes and rivers dried up, and the oceans swelled. Then came a plague, and fever spread across the globe. Families died, violence reigned, and man killed man.
Next came WICKED, who were looking for an answer. And then they found the perfect boy. The boy’s name was Thomas, and Thomas built a maze. Now there are secrets. There are lies. And there are loyalties history could never have foreseen. This is the story of that boy, Thomas, and how he built a maze that only he could tear down. All will be revealed.

My Review: Let me start off by saying that The Maze Runner is one of my favourite series of all time, so I had extremely high expectations for this prequel, and it definitely reached them. When Dashner first revealed he was going to write this I expected it to be in multiple perspectives, however it is almost all in Thomas’ point of view. Now at first I was a bit sad about this, but it actually gave an interesting perspective at the things going on in the glade before he is sent there.

I want to talk briefly about the characters. In the main series I didn’t like Thomas very much a lot of the time, it was Newt and Minho that made this series one of my favourites, however in this book I loved him. I’m not sure why I had this change of heart; I feel like it was probably to do with that he wasn’t thinking about girls while in the midst of deadly situations. I really enjoyed the motivation he had to pull of the plan he concocted, it really made me love his character. He was just a lonely kid who wanted his friends to be safe. I didn’t like Teresa in the main series that much either aside from a few moments (”Ah, my Knight in Shining Armor. What, you don’t think I can fend for myself?”) however throughout most of this book I liked her as well. I really loved the relationship between her and Thomas, as well as between her, Thomas, and Chuck- they were so sweet, like a little family. The best part of this book is that everyone we love is alive! Newt, Chuck, Minho, and Alby are Thomas and Teresa’s best friends and we get to see a lot of them (especially Newt and Chuck). Having the prologue in Newt’s point of view made my heart shatter instantly. Finding out the circumstances of how he was taken by WICKED was absolutely heartbreaking. Newt is one of my favourite fictional characters of all time, and seeing him have more and more sadness in his life makes me cry. Newt and Thomas have a close bond both before the maze and after, and Newt is the biggest drive he has behind wanting to help everyone escape WICKED. Their relationship is just precious and I adore them.

WICKED is so cruel and twisted, and it is shown even more so in this book. They torture children and manipulate them into doing what they want, I thought it was interesting to see the power dynamics they used against these kids despite the fact that these kids really aren’t kids, are they? They’re just as much of adults as those working at WICKED, yet are treated severely different.

All in all, this book was amazing and I loved it- definitely 5/5 stars. This book answers so many questions that the main series didn’t answer,one of the biggest being WHY did WICKED send Thomas and Teresa into the maze if they were so important? As well as giving us a better look at who Dr Paige and WICKED really are. I got a real sense of completeness after finishing this that I didn’t get from the main series because I still had so many questions left. The end of this novel is a game changer, I’m still in shock, and now I need to reread the series to try to comprehend things and see how this changes a lot of aspects of the book. I definitely recommend this to fans of the Maze Runner trilogy, but make sure you read the main series FIRST because this novel will make the main series less suspenseful and take away the element of confusion that you’re supposed to feel if you have not read them already.

I have a lot more specific thoughts and I want to talk more in depth about them, so I will be making a video review as well, so keep a look out for it!

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Book: Ruthless by Carolyn Lee Adams | My Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

TRIGGER WARNINGS: abduction, mentions/threats of rape

Synopsis: Ruth Carver has always competed like her life depends on it. Ambitious. Tough. Maybe even mean. It’s no wonder people call her Ruthless.
When she wakes up with a concussion in the bed of a moving pickup truck, she realizes she has been entered into a contest she can’t afford to lose.
At a remote, rotting cabin deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains, Ruth’s blindfold comes off and she comes face-to-face with her captor. A man who believes his mission is to punish bad girls like Ruth. A man who has done this six times before.
The other girls were never heard from again, but Ruth won’t go down easy. She escapes into the wilderness, but her hunter is close at her heels. That’s when the real battle begins. That’s when Ruth must decide just how far she’ll go in order to survive.
Back home, they called her Ruthless. They had no idea just how right they were.

My Review: This book brought feelings out of me that I’ve never experienced from any book before. If you’re looking for a good survival story this is it. Plus, there’s no Stockholm Syndrome involved in this novel, which I was relieved about.

This book is an excellent story of survival and reads like one: there are beautiful moments that she shares with the moon, her only friend out in the wilderness and the only one who will ever understand, but this story is about escape and the thoughts that come into Ruth’s mind and what keep her going.
I want to briefly talk about the two main characters. Ruth Carver is a well developed character, she is tougher than most and proves it over and over again both in the present and in flashbacks that occurred before her abduction. She is strong willed and a winner- she strives to win and won’t settle for anything less. A lot of authors who create characters with these sorts of traits tend to leave it at this: a strong, emotionally cold bad ass. Adams, however, gave Ruth raw emotion. No matter how strong a person she was, she broke down, she panicked, but she managed to overcome her fear and regain control over herself, and at times over others as well. Not only is she set on living, but on bringing justice to the Wolfman for what he’s done to her and the six girls before her. Wolfman is revolting, disturbing, creepy; everything you think of when you think of when you envision a serial-killer/rapist. I felt no sympathy for him at any point, nor does the author try to convince you to feel sorry for him. He is meant to be a sick bastard with no morals and the author does not shy away from showing that. Which is something I liked, I would’ve hated this novel had the author tried to make the reader feel some form of sympathy for him, because in no way, shape, or form would he deserve it. The more I read, the more I hated him.

The entirety of this book is an intense ride, particularly the last thirty pages or so, but the ending was what really got me. It was heartbreaking and incredibly emotional; I was shaking and crying for the last twenty pages or so of this book. In the beginning of the book, I was unsure of what I would rate it by the end; my guess was a 3.5, but the last hundred pages were a game changer and pulled out some of the most fearful and intense feelings I’ve ever felt from a novel. This is a short read (248 pages) and well worth the time.