Yahoo Lifestyle Just 28 Of The Absolute Funniest Tweets By Women This Week
Hello, and congratulations! You just made it through another week, and that week just so happened to include the 4th of July, which feels like a sick joke at this point.
july 4th being this week after the past 5 days… you gotta laugh
— Annie Wu⸆⸉ (all socials: @annie_wu_22) (@Annie_Wu_22) July 1, 2024
But if you're in the mood for jokes that are actually funny and enjoyable, please enjoy the funniest Tweets by women this week! And be sure to follow these funny ladies on Twitter (or X; whatever)!
1.
The Rugrats: https://t.co/IJ0KkET9aV
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) July 1, 2024
2.
They’re sending me to rehab for being addicted to chilling mad hard
— buttball (@imniceandsmart) July 1, 2024
3.
one time at the bar a dude wouldn’t leave me alone and was like put your number in my phone so i took his phone and venmo’d myself fifty bucks and left. i deserved it.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 1, 2024
4.
getting bloodwork done always makes me feel like a juice box
— erika (@yeeeerika) July 2, 2024
5.
Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) July 2, 2024
6.
I JUST WANT PRECEDENTED TIMES FOR ONCE. I'm so tired. 🙁
— Anna (@itsafronomics) July 1, 2024
7.
lovebombing works on me because i totally believe someone would fall in love with me in a month
— via (@atrophicbtrfly) June 30, 2024
8.
confession time: before i knew how to read the clock i had a line drawn in our backyard, when the shadows reached that line it was time for mickey mouse to air on tv. once my father learned about this he sat me down and taught me how to read it lmao😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
— ندا (@nidaaaaaamir) July 1, 2024
9.
Accidental coffee drip that would have done fucking NUMBERS on 2011 Tumblr pic.twitter.com/5gax8eifVW
— Charli ATX (@ktewoj) July 2, 2024
10.
when i went to my notes to find my password but accidentally opened the most gut-wrenching, emotionally charged paragraph i had written months ago
— 𝅙 (@soymeii) June 30, 2024
11.
the sluttiest thing a man can do is be open and honest with his feelings
— maha (@mahaaaay) July 1, 2024
12.
when we die we should all get a list of people who had crushes on us.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) July 3, 2024
13.
My girls are watching The Babysitters Club on Netflix and my husband made the mistake of asking why Mary Anne can't babysit after dark and now he has to listen to my two hour presentation of the Spier family history.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 1, 2024
14.
My job's cybersecurity training said to "never assume a connection is real" and I was like I'm WAY ahead of you, pal
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) July 3, 2024
15.
fuck flowers, bring me an iced coffee and a sword and the souls of my enemies.
— nay (dino) 🖤 (@Lilblack_heart) July 1, 2024
16.
buy a fitted sheet one size bigger than your mattress and start living your life
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 1, 2024
17.
Your honor I would like to plead oopsies daisies
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) July 2, 2024
18.
I'm literally addicted to going out for drinks with my middle aged coworkers like PLEASEEE gossip about your divorce with me
— cole (@juul_survivor) July 1, 2024
19.
Fundamentally, I do believe the only person who should be immune from all criminal prosecution is Dolly Parton
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 1, 2024
20.
sad to report that exercising everyday dramatically fixes a lot of things in your life
— Nona Uppal (@nona_uppal) July 1, 2024
21.
I wish there were technology that let you pay based on salary. Like this coffee is $2 for me and $20,000 for a Kardashian.
— 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖍 (@frigginfrench) July 1, 2024
22.
Why is everyone okay with the way “Siobhan” is pronounced?
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) July 1, 2024
23.
“you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” ok thats actually my favorite thing to do
— erica (@ericanextdooor) July 1, 2024
24.
Realizing that walking 10-20 blocks holding an iced coffee cup with only a half-sip of melted ice left is the adult equivalent of a toddler holding a wet Cheeto in its fist for hours
— eliza (@elizamclamb) July 2, 2024
25.
new favorite thing a man has ever said to me in an argument just dropped pic.twitter.com/3H6BUX1Weu
— lauren badillo milici 🎀 (@motelsiren) July 1, 2024
26.
waiter: everything good here? me and my friend: (both just cried) 👍👍
— aubrey (@aubreybell) July 2, 2024
27.
charli xcx makes music for ppl who have a social media presence that makes them seem totally wild and unhinged but every time you see them irl they're just in a corner on their phone
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) July 1, 2024
28.
how do you text a new friend to hang out without sounding like a democrat asking for money
— preorder MORE, PLEASE (out 7/9/24) (@EmmaSpecter) June 30, 2024
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
Sorry, But I'm Still Laughing At The 22 Funniest Tweets By Women This Week
