Change Your Image
noworneverprod
Reviews
It Waits (2005)
not spectacular but decent
I was mainly curious to see this due to watching another Cannell-producer/Monroe-directed direct-to-video release with yet another busty babe as the star(Left In Darkness starring Monica Keena), and while neither of these films are great, they are enjoyable. I found this one to be a little weaker because: spoilers
The creature is everywhere doing all sorts of killing, even pushing a jeep over, yet it can't get into the flimsy little ranger's tower?
Likewise, the fact that it seemed to be toying with the main girl(Cerina Vincent of Cabin Fever fame) seemed a bit far fetched. It's not like the thing was anything more than a creature. How would it know that she's anguished over killing her friend in a drunk driving accident that she's lied about.
And funny how it waits to mess with her til right when her BF shows up, and right when they meet the missing hikers, and the enlightened Native shows up to explain everything to her, despite his RV being trashed(how did he survive) and then the next time she sees him he's dead.
A little too coincidental for my tastes.
Woods of Evil (2005)
more like 'Suburbs Of Crap'
how many ways can one say 'garbage'? Woods Of Evil is so bad it's almost required watching for film students on how not to make a movie.
The story is just too dumb, the acting non-existent, the gore really fake, and the camera-work barely registering.
I will give credit for one thing. When we're first itnroduced to the main guy, he's seeing his probation officer, a MILF-ish Italian woman who should have been in the movie more. She was pretty hot.
But the wigger kid needed to be re-cast and the locations were hardly 'rural', as you could see houses off in the distance. It looked like they kept using the same little wooded area for every outdoor scene.
I also thought it was funny how the slasher was this slow-moving fat guy with a knife but these young slim people couldn't outrun him, or the geniuses they were, just shoot him. So much for being thugs. Next time, stay home, city-boy!
The Amazing Lulu Divine (1993)
Lulu is a legend! This is a must-see!
seeing big-bust performer/icon Lulu Devine walking the streets of London is a sight to behold! Never have so normal of clothes looked so amazing. This happens when Lulu pushes the clothing to its limit with her amazing bustline. No porn and anything really 'dirty' other than a shower/bath type of scene. I particularly like seeing her post-bath dressing when she put on that tight clingy dress type thing and goes to the roof to exercise. I wish I was her neighbor.
I think Lulu should have done some mainstream films. There are many of us out here who are fans of this kind of extreme look. I could see her doing some low-budget horror or other sort of non-pornography exploitation films. I would have loved to have seen that.
Do or Die (1991)
my introduction to the film of Andy Sidaris. Thanks, Pandora!
And I loved it! Put it Pat Morita as an evil villain. Erik Estrada and Pandora Peaks as the good guys. Throw in Sidaris regulars like Donna Speir and Bruce Penhall and put them all over the map from HI to LA to CA. Then mix with an ample amount of chases, shoot-outs, and stuff blowing up, and you got yourself a Sidaris flick. Part Magnum PI, part James Bond, part Playboy video, this flick rocks. I find it one of the better Sidaris flicks mainly due to the cast.
I confess to picking this up due to sexbomb Pandora Peaks a pin-up model and dancer being in this. Her silicone airbags area sight to behold. But even without that, this flick is fun. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and the acting is pretty bad.
Bravo!!!
Legion of the Dead (2001)
Germans don't do Tarantino well
This movie is so bad it's almost amusing. It was obviously shot very well. I mean it looks really really good. The opening set-up looked really good and I was hoping for the best. And it starts off fairly well, too. Honest. But what's the deal with the story? I felt like it was 2 or 3 different ideas that were forced together. And it was not a good fit. It';s obviously a bad Dusk Til Dawn rip-off and even though it's really pretty bad, someone in me enjoyed it. I loan it to a lot of friends just to see the disgusted look on their faces when they return it.
But since I found it cheap in the discount bin and bought it AFTER having already seen it, perhaps I'm the fool. LOL!
L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach (1998)
the best Sidaris film, at least girl-wise
okay, forget that the entire cast makes Shatner look like Orson Welles, this flick rocks! I love it! One of my faves. The horrible acting actually makes it more fun IMHO. The awful acting of the 2 male leads is laughable and totally funny. And then there's the girls: seeing Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks in those white tops toward the end are amazing. Also Shae in that white 'business outfit earlier in the film at their HQ is not to be missed! What I love about Sidaris films is that they're fun. If they didn't have the giant silicone breasts, they would not be. All hail Andy Sidaris! Nice to see Kevin Eastman, the guy from Heavy Metal magazine making a cameo. The only other Sidaris film that possibly beats this one as far as breast-size is Do Or Die.