Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
12 Rounds (2009)
This one's okay.
In 2006, WWE made a movie called The Marine, starring then-champion John Cena as the titular Marine on a mission to save his girlfriend from criminals.
In 2009, WWE made a movie called 12 Rounds, starring former champion John Cena as a police officer on a mission to save his girlfriend from a vengeful criminal.
The statute of limitation on plot replication is apparently three years because both movies' plots sound eerily similar, even if it's executed differently in each film. This makes it difficult for me to not compare the two as a result. However, the fundamental difference I've noticed between 12 Rounds and The Marine is that 12 Rounds is just a tad better... or at least just a tad more enjoyable.
Sure, I could argue that anything would be an improvement over The Marine, a terribly mediocre action film. But much to my surprise, 12 Rounds is actually okay.
Some people have attributed the plot as being a poor man's iteration of Die Hard With A Vengeance. Since I haven't seen that movie, I can't really comment in that regard. However, the plot itself is a fairly paper-thin affair anyway and while the flow of the movie tends to be erratic, it's at least paced fairly well and it won't put you to sleep, which was certainly the case with The Marine.
Of course, the script is still below par - it IS a WWE Films production, after all - but for what it's worth, the cast makes the best of it and the acting is serviceable if not decent. If anything, it shows that John Cena really is a capable actor who could shine if given better material. While this isn't a whole lot better than what was given on to him during The Marine, it's at least a step in the right direction.
12 Rounds isn't necessarily a good movie; it's strictly an okay movie at best - a step up from The Marine, which is a downright mediocre movie. And while there might be better alternatives out there when it comes to seeking out an action flick, you certainly can't go wrong with 12 Rounds if you're looking for a quick fix of action. Out of all the WWE Films released thus far, this is one of the few that can actually be considered anything within the neighborhood of GOOD.
Let's just hope that when Cena does another picture, it doesn't involve him being on a mission to save his girlfriend from criminals.
The Marine (2006)
Discommendation for An Unoriginal Action Movie
For the uninitiated, he Marine is the second movie production of WWE Films. It features then-WWE Champion John Cena as a former Marine named John Triton (real creative in making the protagonist's first name as the same as the actor's. I'm sure Tony Danza would approve) who must save his girlfriend from a bunch of criminals. From there, we get a second-rate action movie that seems to rip off every single action movie in the book until the inevitable conclusion. Somewhere along the line, I stopped caring and read a book, which was unfortunately far more entertaining and enlightening.
The good news is that The Marine is not the worst movie I have bore witness to; that (dis)honor belongs to the Halle Berry flick Catwoman. However, The Marine isn't a bad movie in the sense that it's so bad it's good. It's a bad movie in the sense that it's not really that interesting or even exciting. For every action movie cliché this movie churns out, you can probably think of thrice as many flicks that could pull off the same trick, but better. "Perty 'plosions" are nice and all, but mean nothing if there isn't a strong backstory or even a remotely interesting conflict to drive the action. The Marine has neither of these things and it ends up being a ho-hum action film with a generic plot line. Not even the T-1000 himself, Robert Patrick, could save this flick.
I rarely have a good thing to say about Cena because I'm not a fan of his wrestling work, but given some good material, he could possibly shoot out a couple good movies. Those movies aren't going to come from WWE Films, however. He has the talent and charisma to drive the movie, but the material he's given is absolute garbage.
If you're a fan of Cena, just stick with watching his matches and promos on RAW and avoid this movie. Trust me; you're better off watching his crappy matches than his crappy movie.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Oh dear...
To sum up the Matrix trilogy in few words is easy for me: the first movie was kinda cool for the time, making way for all the wire-fu action sequences and slow-mo effects that many flicks would repeatedly make use of. The second movie was fairly poor quality and didn't make much sense - and the dancing sequence drove me nuts. But Matrix Revolutions is the enigma. On the one hand, it's not as bad as Reloaded, but on the other hand, it's devoid of purpose. It's just there.
The main problem is that Revolutions was made around the same time as Reloaded, which means it's almost as much of a mess as the second movie was. But then the movie is mostly fighting and special effects (no dancing sequences here like in Reloaded, so there's extra points right there). But then again, there was really no point to the fighting or the movie in general. Maybe there's something in the plot that didn't click with me, which is something that would be used as fodder for all the detractors, but if there's something that didn't click, then there's something wrong with the story that doesn't allow it to click. Perhaps if I paid more attention to the movie... perhaps if the movie had anything that would be worth the effort to pay any semblance of attention.
Revolutions isn't that bad of a movie if you take it in as a popcorn flick, but as a sci-fi epic or whatever it's supposed to be, it just doesn't work. Watch if you're a fan of the other Matrix flicks. Otherwise, avoid.
Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue (2000)
A hidden gem among the spandex
Some people would consider Lightspeed Rescue to be the weaker of the Power Rangers series. It's pretty understandable since it does many things differently from other PR shows, but after having re-watched most of the episodes recently, I found this to be one of the stronger series.
A new team of Power Rangers is commissioned by a Earth-based military organization to protect the city of Mariner Bay from a group of ancient demons looking to reclaim their home. This team of Ranger is comprised not of teenagers, but of young adults with past professions and public identities. It's a different dynamic and an interesting look at how a government-sanctioned Ranger team would function.
Everything about Lightspeed seems to fit. The characters are given ample amount of development and the acting is crisp enough that I actually care about what happens to these characters. The set pieces for the Lightspeed Aquabase are fairly good, even though they're too much like the previous series. The plot flows nicely and every episode seems to contribute something to the overall story... even the insignificant fillers.
Fans of PR shouldn't be disappointed with Lightspeed. It's almost on par with In Space, another PR series that is considered classic - however, Lightspeed can be viewed as a standalone and doesn't require the viewer to watch the older series. If you can catch the show on air, go ahead and give it a go.
Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation (1997)
Best left alone and forgotten
Sometime in 1998, Saban had acquired the rights to produce a brand-new Ninja Turtles live-action series. Naturally, being a fan of the TMNT back in the day, this obviously peaked my interest. So when I started watching the show... to say I was disappointed by the end result is an understatement. Some time later (more like recently), I got a chance to revisit the series.
First off, let's talk about some of the positives. They managed to re-create the Turtles' lair as it was last seen in the movies fairly well given the limited budget they threw in with this. There tends to be this darker atmosphere overall in terms of the sets and whatnot. And the Turtle suits, while not the greatest piece of puppetry and whatnot, were functional and seemed pretty sturdy for most of the action stuff that would follow in the series.
People tend to complain about getting rid of Shredder quickly and replacing him with these original villains who could have easily been used in a Power Rangers show. But you can only have Shredder get beat so many times before it gets boring and undermines his worth as a villain... and besides, most fans don't realize or don't remember or just plain ignore the fact that in the original comic, the Shredder was offed in the very first issue! Never mind the countless resurrections that would follow. So on a personal standpoint, I was sort of glad they got rid of Shredder because then the anticipation would build to the point where they would eventually bring him back in a later episode. I find that Shredder in small quantities work best because then his encounters with the Turtles are all the more memorable.
Unfortunately, they end up replacing him with these original villains who, as stated, seemed more fit for a Power Rangers show than a Ninja Turtles show. And with these new magic-wielding generics comes a new female magic-wielding turtle, the infamous Venus De Milo. I'll be honest; I never got comfortable with her. I'm not against the idea of a female turtle; I'm just against the idea of one who uses magic and thus sticks out like a sore sight among a clan of ninja turtles who seem somewhat out of their domain. I almost get the impression that this could have easily been the Venus De Milo show dealing with her make-believe enemies and the TMNT are just there to provide the star power (or whatever was left considering the timeframe this was released). Fortunately, they all share the spotlight together.
Next Mutation was canned after a season on the air and the creators were more than happy to ignore it. Given time and maybe another season, I really believe this live iteration of the TMNT could have been something and might have gotten a chance at greatness. But while the idea was sound, the execution was flawed (although there are a couple good episodes in this series). As it stands, Next Mutation is one of those oddities in Turtledom that is best left buried and forgotten.
Independence Day (1996)
Fun little popcorn flick
I remember the hype that went behind this movie. A fairly Super Bowl commercial, a FOX special, a bunch of related shows or something... I don't remember the exact details, but I remember that there was a movement that was pushing this movie as a big deal.
So much hype back in the day...
Back when it was released in 1996-ish, I thought Independence Day was a fairly satisfying movie. It didn't have the most original plot in the world (aliens attempt to conquer Earth and it's up to the humans to repel them - where have we NOT seen that one before?), but it was still a thrill to see the special effects, thrilling aerial battles, and whatnot. Some ten odd years later, the movie has lost much of its luster, but not so much its fun element.
Those "exciting" special effects? They still serve a purpose and they're still okay, but nothing special. The plot is somewhat thin and the slow scenes are fairly slow enough to get you out of the mood. Even the tense moments seem predictable and it's not due to repeated viewings. Despite all this, it's still a fairly decent popcorn flick worth killing a night if you have nothing better to watch. It's not a sophisticated movie, it's not a masterpiece, it's just a fun little action flick with aliens and lots of explosions.
Independence Day is worth a look if you're looking for a quick fix of action movies, but anyone looking for high art should look elsewhere. Good messy fun.
See No Evil (2006)
One of the greatest comedies of all time... oh wait.
The first official release of World Wrestling Entertainment's film division is a pretty basic horror/slasher movie called "See No Evil" starring Kane, one of their big men wrestlers known for having an intimidating presence, hard-hitting moves, and one of the most convoluted backstories in wrestling. And let's not pull any punches here; while this movie is promoted as the greatest horror movie of all time (mostly by WWE), it goes without saying that after having seen this movie, I can confirm it as one of the greatest comedies of all time.
"See No Evil" sees a bunch of juvenile delinquents sent to a hotel so they can clean up. Of course, a monstrous murderer (played by Kane) also happens to be living in this hotel and we all know where that goes. Without giving away too much of the movie plot, this film has all the semblance and structure of an early-1980s slasher flick with most of the clichés intact, but without any of the scares that those films accompany. And that's sort of the main problem with "See No Evil". It tries so many of the tricks implied by its predecessors in the genre that it comes off as predictable; veteran horror fans will easily recognize some of the gimmicks ahead of time and even those who have only seen a few flicks should tell what happens next. It's too generic to be scary.
The movie's gory, no doubt, but it's only there for the effect. The dark atmosphere instilled in the movie gives off that feel of terror initially, but as you get towards the end, it somehow feels out of place and gets tiresome quickly. The death scenes don't come off as gory and horrific as much as they do laughable, although some of them are pretty inventive.
And the acting in this movie is pretty bad too, as the main characters aren't developed enough for us to care when they eventually do get axed. Some can't even portray fear properly; they just scream and cry in a vain effort to emote. So when they die, it only adds to the comedy because you don't care enough about them that you simply consider them the equivalent of Starfleet Redshirts to the monster Kane.
As for Kane, he simply portrayed his movie character the same way he portrays his wrestling character, only he uses axes and hooks instead of hellfire and brimstone. There's no doubt in my mind that Kane can be a great fixture in the horror genre. He has the look and presence for it; he just needs better material (specifically a script that isn't written by someone who writes wrestling shows) to work with.
Now, despite what may seem like a harsh review, I actually enjoyed the film. It's one of those laughably bad movies that you can't help but sit down and enjoy. My main gripe with the film, again, is that it's simply an exercise in filming gory kills and doesn't have any frightening or shock moments. I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed because it was easy for me to laugh off some of what was supposed to be scary moments in the movie. If that happens because it was supposed to be that way, the movie would have been rated higher. But it didn't. It got laughs because it's a B-movie and it doesn't help that the director's previous experiences was porn flicks and music videos; not exactly overcomplicated things to direct anyway. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it tremendously.
If you don't mind a fun B-movie or funny horror film, I'd highly recommend "See No Evil." If you are a true enthusiast of the genre, I'd wait until the DVD comes out before checking it out. Everyone else should probably go watch something else.
Infested (2002)
Yeah, it's crap. But it's entertaining crap.
SPOILER WARNING!!! SPOILER WARNING!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU PLAN ON WATCHING THE MOVIE, ALTHOUGH I WOULD ADVISE AGAINST IT!!! Infested is one of those really atrociously bad movies you can't help but enjoy for all the wrong reasons. It's about a group of friends seeing each other after one of their friends died and they are suddenly attacked and possessed by killer flies who eat their internal organs. Confused? Well, you should be. I have no idea what went on.
It's an indy flick, so naturally the quality isn't going to be that great. But this isn't even a good flick. The acting is unbelievable (as in NOT believable), the CG flies look fake, along with the exploding house, and the plot is so thin that it makes the early episodes of Power Rangers play out like Shakespeare in comparison.
END SPOILER WARNING! END SPOILER WARNING! That having been said, this is a fairly humorous movie even if it wasn't intent on being one. There's some gore, but not that much. There's some "horror" and frightful moments, but this movie couldn't scare a 3-year old, much less an adult audience.
If you enjoy bad movies, this one's for you. If you don't, skip this one.
The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! (1989)
Enjoyable
Contrary to what many claim, Mario's first initial cartoon appearance was NOT the Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Rather, it was in an obscure Donkey Kong cartoon that aired as part of Saturday Supercade during the early-1980s, before Nintendo rose into prominence. You wouldn't have noticed, because in that cartoon, Mario was a generic guy who pursued the big dumb ape. But that's irrelevant, because before 85, Mario wasn't a big deal. After '85, he practically salvaged the video gaming industry and got a cartoon out of it.
Every Mario cartoon had the same basic plot; evil King Koopa (Bowser, although he never goes by that name in the cartoon) wrecks havoc in various worlds of the Mushroom Kingdom and it's up to Mario, faithful brother Luigi, loyal Mushroom Retainer Toad, and the Princess (when she isn't kidnapped) to spoil his nefarious plans. Rinse, lather, and repeat.
Odd thing was that this had more in common with Super Mario Bros. 2 (Mario USA to Japanese folk - the less said, the better) than it did the original game, but I'm not complaining.
The way I see it, the cartoon (and even the Captain Lou Albano live skits) was what truly defined Mario as an Italian plumber from Brooklyn who enjoyed eating pasta rather than this fat plumber who ate mushrooms, something that the games depicted. The cartoon stayed true to the original games, as opposed to the later movie which was a bastardization of what was good and wholesome. The stories are rather cheesy, crude, and cheap parodies of certain series and movies, but who cares? They were fun and back then, that's all you really needed.
The animation was decent for its time. You have some minor technical errors here and there (sometimes Mario would be speaking with Luigi's voice, or his hat would be the wrong color), but these things happens in all the old cartoons (see the old Ninja Turtles as a good example - yes, you know who you are!) The voices were pretty good; nothing great, but alright nonetheless. Characterizations were pretty good (even though it's based off a video game and you actually had no frame of reference as far as characterization goes).
Of course, the cartoon is only part of the show. Bookending the cartoon are live-action skits featuring Captain Lou as Mario and this other guy as Luigi, in their Brooklyn basement, where they have to deal with these guest stars' problems. I'm not just talking nameless hacks looking for a quick buck, but actual stars whom were popular at the time. Like the cartoons, the skits were cheesy but fun. And it's always a welcome sight to see Captain Lou make an idiot out of himself by doing the Mario. (Now, if the REAL Mario were to have done that in any of the modern Mario games, it would have actually prompted me to buy a modern Nintendo system.)
Every Friday, they'd throw in a little Zelda cartoon. Back then, when I first saw them, I never touched the original game, but still enjoyed them nonetheless... although these days, hearing Link whine "Excuse Me, Princess" every fifth minute irritates me to no end.
After some time, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show changed its format and became Club Mario. While you had the same IL' good cartoons, instead of live Mario and Luigi, you had two 'hip' guys in a messed-up apartment with lots of stuff that boggles the mind. Every once in a while, they have actual 'storylines' such as one guy's evil twin trying to take over the show. Sometimes, I wish good IL' Koopa showed up during the Mario Bros' off-day and took over the show so he could cancel it, because even back then, it was bad.
Even today, it's still a good wholesome cartoon that's good for a few laughs and maybe can be genuinely enjoyed. I think you can find them on Yahoo somewhere, who airs the shows online. Check 'em out if you have the chance.
Catwoman (2004)
Oh dear god...
Might as well get it off my chest. Unfortunately, against my better judgment, I had seen Catwoman. When someone joked about it being the next great horror story, he was half-right. It was horrifying, but not great.
Even years after the movie's release, I still can't buy Halle Berry in the Catwoman role. I have a hard time believing that she was the absolute best woman for the job when there were probably tons of more qualified actresses (regardless of ethnicity) that could have fit the role just fine. I think the decision to cast Berry has more to do with her popularity at the time than anything else. And you know what? She's a fine actress in her own right - won Oscars for a reason - but this Catwoman role is beneath her. And the hapless script gives her little to do to make the character remotely likable.
So they changed the back story of the character; instead of thief Selina Kyle, we get graphic artist Patience Phillips. You know what? I'm cool with that. It doesn't really bother me. But while the original Catwoman character is supposed to be somewhat of an anti-hero and has somewhat of an interesting history and character, this Catwoman is more of a prostitute than anything else, the flimsy costume (ugh) contributing to that image more than anything else. Nothing she does in this movie gives me a reason to care about her plight because she comes off as really unlikable. In fact, none of the characters seem interesting. They're just there.
As for the rest of the movie... it's terrible. The acting is below par, the visuals are dark and murky, and the action is pretty underwhelming. The plot is horrible girl power cliché garbage involving toxic cosmetics and... I'm entirely convinced that there is no script despite writers being credited. I can only assume they wrote this on a couple napkins and someone thought this was a good idea to turn into a movie.
Overall, Catwoman is one of those movies best left in the gutter. There's nothing remotely redeeming about this film; it's just terrible, terrible stuff. So terrible that it will kill your cat and strip it of its remaining lives at the same time. Avoid this movie at all costs.
From Justin to Kelly (2003)
Alert the medical profession - the cure for insomnia has been found
Everyone knows Kelly Clarkson, right? That chick who won that American Idol ages ago and made a career for herself with a couple decent-selling albums? She seemed to do fine as far as I know. Don't really follow her all that much (not my kind of music), but she's making a career out of it, at least.
Lucky for her too, because Justin has been off the radar somewhat as of late.
In 2003, Kelly (the first Idol winner) and Justin (the first Idol runnerup) were shoehorned into a movie called From Justin to Kelly, without a doubt the best movie that ever put me to sleep... I'm not joking. I have rarely seen a movie which bored me to tears, but this takes the cake.
Maybe it's because I'm not a big fan of the movie type where every one breaks into song for no apparent reason, but I've seen Grease and that didn't put me to sleep. It probably wouldn't help the movie's cause any way, as it has a cliché plot, uninteresting characters, and acting that makes pre-school make-believe sessions seem like Shakespeare in comparison.
The only thing that could have saved this movie is Simon Cowell showing up after every song and berating the cast and crew for such a dreadful number. Oh well.
Moral of the story: when starring in rubbish like this, having a rack helps. Someone should have clued that Justin fellow in on that trade secret.
Please don't watch this movie. It's not worth your time.
Gigli (2003)
Drivel
Ever wonder how Uwe Boll feels when people crap on his video game movies without ever having watched them? He should try and sit through the J'Lo/Affleck mess called Gigli.
I rented this movie once, hearing all the bad rap. Then I popped it in. Five minutes into the movie, I rewind the tape and brought it back to the video store. Five minutes into a movie and I hated it... what does that tell you about the rest of the movie?
As years went on and I grew more of a spine, I eventually decided to sit through the entire movie... and after that, arranged for an immediate lobotomy so that I can purge all memory of this drivel.
Gigli is pure garbage. There is not ONE single, solitary positive aspect to be found anywhere within this picture. There is not ONE aspect that can deem Gigli one of those "so bad it's good" films that I'll find enjoyment out of. If there is any high point to be found, it was ultimately sucked into the black hole of ineptitude that is Gigli, a film with an unlikable cast of "characters" or lack thereof, a convoluted storyline, terrible pacing, and an utter lack of chemistry among any of the cast. It's just a mess of a motion picture that somehow got approved and shipped out for public consumption, reaffirming my lack of faith in humanity.
Bottom line, if you haven't seen Gigli, then you're one of the lucky ones. AVOID THIS MOVIE AT ALL COSTS.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Can't recommend it
The Matrix was a good movie because of the effects and its story. The Matrix Reloaded, however, is not.
Yes, this movie has those slow-motion special effects and some of the fights are quite a sight, but there are times when I am sitting through this, as well as the long periods of explanations and crappy dialogue, and my train of thought would somewhere within the lines of "Huh?!" or "Could you get it over with?" or my personal favorite "Boy, they could have cut lots of this off."
The story could have been a good book at least. The idea is good, but the execution is lousy. As much as I wanted to enjoy The Matrix Reloaded, I can't honestly say it's a good sequel.
Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
A Generation's Final Journey... Period
It should not begin. It should be the final journey.
It is a perfectly acceptable ending to the TNG saga. Some people may agree. Some people may not. In any case, it's an excellent movie. Star Trek Nemesis can easily rival Wrath of Kahn as the best damn Trek movie ever. You got a good story, superb special effects, an intense final battle, and no birds or joysticks involved (anyone who seen Star Trek Insurrection should know what I mean.) If it's the last movie, or it's the last movie with the TNG cast, it's the best way to go out.
End it now while it's still great...
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
If they only had that Rockman...
WARNING! SPOILERS MAY LEAK THROUGH THIS INTRO! SKIP THIS FIRST PART!
Space... the Final Frontier... these are the voyages of the hardly tip-top condition Starship Enterprise... its 10x minute mission... to save some hostages... to end getting raided and finding God... to boldly go where no other Trek movie has gone before... to the bargain bin!
*sigh*
Perhaps I'm being a little overboard. The movie, disliked by many, is not half bad on paper. The only thing is that this thing seems rushed and the final product was less than subpar. Supposedly, Bill Shatner wanted to redo the movie in time for the DVD release, similar to what Robert Wise did with The Motion Picture. Alas, Paramount wanted nothing to do with a special edition of Trek 5 (at the time I write this - perhaps they've changed their minds later). They're probably thinking that a odd-colored "god" being is a much better sight than a much-improved rockman scene that Shatner originally invisioned for the movie. It's too bad, really. On the other hand, it's nice to see Bill cared enough to want to improve the movie.
Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be reviewing this movie as it is... a movie with potential but brought down by crap special effects and confusing story, possibly due to editing. Not even seeing a half-naked woman can save this movie as it is...
If only they had that Rockman, things would have been different. Oh well...
Power Rangers Wild Force (2002)
A love-it or hate-it type show
I kinda have mixed feelings about this one. There are some good things and bad things that leaves me wondering about this recent set of Rangers.
The most significant improvement is the fact that the Japanese footage has been cleaned up to the point where it blends nicely with the American footage. Sometimes it is often hard to tell which is which, although there are still the little differences.
The storylines are so-so. Although it is not up-to-par with "Time Force" or "In Space", it's not "Turbo" quality either. We'll see what the rest of the show has to offer.
My only complain is the CGI zords (the giant robots). They do not fit in a Power Rangers show and are more suited for a Transformers show. Also, even though the Japanese footage has been cleaned up, the visual effects now look somewhat weak. It could have been liked this before, but it's kinda sad now.
The final verdict is: watch it once and see if you like it. I watch it once in a while, but not enough to follow it. Chances are you'll like it or you'll hate it. It's worthwhile for a sample viewing at least.
The Punisher (1989)
Enjoy.
Made during a time when a movie based on Marvel Comics meant it sucked, The Punisher is... not the worst thing I've seen. Then again, it's a decent adaption. After all, the comic is about a guy who shoot things. Therefore, the movie is about a guy who shoot things. It's not some major production, but who cares? Watch it and enjoy.
Power Rangers Wild Force (2002)
A love-it or hate-it type show
I kinda have mixed feelings about this one. There are some good things and bad things that leaves me wondering about this recent set of Rangers.
The most significant improvement is the fact that the Japanese footage has been cleaned up to the point where it blends nicely with the American footage. Sometimes it is often hard to tell which is which, although there are still the little differences.
The storylines are so-so. Although it is not up-to-par with "Time Force" or "In Space", it's not "Turbo" quality either. We'll see what the rest of the show has to offer.
My only complain is the CGI zords (the giant robots). They do not fit in a Power Rangers show and are more suited for a Transformers show. Also, even though the Japanese footage has been cleaned up, the visual effects now look somewhat weak. It could have been liked this before, but it's kinda sad now.
The final verdict is: watch it once and see if you like it. I watch it once in a while, but not enough to follow it. Chances are you'll like it or you'll hate it. It's worthwhile for a sample viewing at least.
Rollerball (2002)
Crap
Man, this movie sucks. Although I have never seen the original, I have unfortunately seen this... I'll just keep my words brief...
Acting - Absolutely abysmal... so bad that I think Shane McMahon's two second cameo and Paul Heyman's announcing gig are pretty much the best acting in this movie. (And apparently, so did a lot of other people - as certain reviews have made mention of Heyman's exciting performance as a Rollerball announcer.) When two then-sports entertainers show more impressive acting ability than the actual Hollywood actors cast in the picture, you've got problems.
Plot - Lacking. It's an EXTREME sports movie... which already disinterests me from the get-go. And yet as I watch it, I can somehow feel my soul wither away as I attempt to follow the excruciatingly awful storyline. Terrible.
Visuals - Holy crap on a stick, this movie looks appalling. Absolutely terrible. There's nothing visually appealing here - even the token post- apocalyptic features have some reasonable visuals. This is just really ugly. An eyesore to say the least... especially in regards to those HORRENDOUS night vision sequences.
Sound - My ears bleed listening to this noise. It's just awful.
Direction - Lacking. Just... no.
Editing - Bad. More emphasis is spent on close-ups and horrible acting than on the sport itself. In fact, the pacing is so bad that I often lose track of what's going on, but I'm too scared to go back and rewatch because that means subjecting myself to this horrible mess.
Overall - Pure crap movie. Just pathetic.
You want a better quality movie? Go watch Battlefield Earth... sure, it's bad too, but it's better than this...
Street Fighter (1994)
NOT the worst movie ever - but not
Some people claim this is a bad movie... true. Some people claim this movie is a bad translation of the video game it's supposed to be based on... true. Some people claim it's the worst ever... trust me, I've seen worse.
While it does have its Christmas list of bad things (poor script, ugly sets, subpar acting), it's good for a laugh or two because of the negatives... at the same time however, any dedicated fan of the Street Fighter games will find this as an insult because it does not properly adapt the video game...
Is it a bad movie? Sure it is... but I've seen my share of bad movies and I can tell that this isn't the absolute worst!
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
The WORST movie I have EVER seen!
This movie stinks for a number of reasons:
1)Nothing related to the video game 2)Poor script 3)Poor special effects 4)Poor acting 5)Pathetically ugly settings 6)Too dark and bland
I could go on and on... but I won't because the list is just huge. I'd avoid this stinker if I were you...
Suburban Commando (1991)
Enjoyable, but cheesy
I was flipping through channels and noticed this movie giving, so I decided to see it. Noticing that the quality of the picture was pretty bad (it was on TV), I pretty much assumed that the film was an 1980's flick due to the poor effects (and also due to the fact that Hulk Hogan's in the movie). Imagine my surprise when I found out it was made in 1991!
I will admit... despite the overall cheesiness of the feature, despite the somewhat poor acting, despite the special effects being crap when compared to Star Trek VI (also released around 1991 if I'm not mistaken), I actually enjoyed it. The scenes where Hogan's character (an interstellar hero or something) makes a complete idiot of himself by trying to skateboard or when he whacks a paperboy with his own newspaper are pretty hilarious (some may beg to differ). Of course, the only good part is the one fight scene where Hogan is fighting with two cronies (who happen to be Undertaker and Ed Leslie a.k.a. Brutus Beefcake).
Suburban Commando is only worth watching if you're actually into this type of cheesiness. If you want a serious action movie, look somewhere else.
Power Rangers in Space (1998)
Okay series, great finale, lousy idea
I'm going to be honest with you... I hated this show with a passion. What was the point of putting the Power Rangers on a spaceship if they won't fly the damn thing past their own solar system? It was a lousy idea to begin with. Despite the lack of space combat... despite a dismal crossover with Ninja Turtles... despite the lack of creativity when it came to different planets (even classic Star Trek had more variety than this!)... despite a shameless sixth ranger (not a knock on the character, but a black and silver suit doesn't do much justice)... despite some predictable outcomes (who didn't know the relation between the Red Ranger and the villain?)... I could go on and on. In truth, the show isn't as bad as I make it out to be. If anything impressed me, it was the finale, which brought all plotlines full circle with its ending. It makes up for the lousy structure of the series.
Power Rangers Turbo (1997)
Disappointing - even for Power Rangers
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was cheesy. Power Rangers Zeo was improved. Power Rangers Turbo shifted to Reverse gear.
I specified in my review of the second Power Rangers movie (Turbo) that it was nothing more than a ninety minute episode suitable for TV, not on the big screen. Watching a couple of episodes of this dribble proves my point. Who wrote this stuff anyway?!
Where ZEO's episodes were improved over MMPR, Turbo reeked. The injection of new blood halfway through this show's run wasn't enough for me to give it a chance. I would rather watch a week's worth of bad MMPR episodes over a single episode of Power Rangers Turbo.
Find a tape or VCD of this? Avoid it at all costs.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
98% Adventure, 2% Rock
When a sequel to a blockbuster movie is released, there's a 50/50 chance it's going to be really bad. In the case of The Mummy Returns, it turned out to be a impressive sequel to an amazing film.
I'm warning you now; if you're only going to see the movie for The Rock, don't bother. He shows up for the beginning of the film and that's it. It's a shame that the WWF had hyped up what was essentially a small role for one of its biggest talents, that's another story for another time.
The plot essentially mirrors that of its predecessor, but who cares? There are some good action scenes, the sets are well-designed, the special effects are slightly better than the original, and there is good acting too. What more could you ask for in an adventure film?