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Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture Paperback – January 31, 2012

4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 539 ratings

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Peggy Orenstein, acclaimed author of the groundbreaking New York Times bestsellers Girls & Sex and Schoolgirls, offers a radical, timely wake-up call for parents, revealing the dark side of a pretty and pink culture confronting girls at every turn as they grow into adults.

Sweet and sassy or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as the source of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages. But how dangerous is pink and pretty, anyway? Being a princess is just make-believe; eventually they grow out of it . . . or do they?
 

In search of answers, Peggy Orenstein visited Disneyland, trolled American Girl Place, and met parents of beauty-pageant preschoolers tricked out like Vegas showgirls. The stakes turn out to be higher than she ever imagined. From premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable—yet armed with awareness and recognition, parents can effectively counterbalance its influence in their daughters' lives.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Orenstein has played a defining role in giving voice to this generation of girls and women…. At times this book brings tears to your eyes—tears of frustration with today’s girl-culture and also of relief because somebody finally gets it—and is speaking out on behalf of our daughters.” — Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety

“Reading Cinderella is like hanging out with a straight-talking, hilarious friend; taking a fascinating seminar on 21st century girlhood; and discovering a compendium of wise (but never preachy) advice on raising girls. A must-read for any parent trying to stay sane in a media saturated world.” — Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl

“I wish I’d had Peggy Orenstein’s thought-provoking, wise, and entertaining new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, to comfort me and to help me navigate the Pepto Bismol pink aisles of the toy store and the cotton candy pink channels of the TV dial. Every mother needs to read this.” — Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother

“[Peggy Orenstein’s] addictively readable book manages, somehow, to be simultaneously warm and chilling” — Rebecca Traister, author of Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women

From the Back Cover

The acclaimed author of the groundbreaking bestseller Schoolgirls reveals the dark side of pink and pretty: the rise of the girlie-girl, she warns, is not that innocent.

Sweet and sassy or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as the source of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages. But how dangerous is pink and pretty, anyway? Being a princess is just make-believe; eventually they grow out of it . . . or do they?

In search of answers, Peggy Orenstein visited Disneyland, trolled American Girl Place, and met parents of beauty-pageant preschoolers tricked out like Vegas showgirls. The stakes turn out to be higher than she ever imagined. From premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable—yet armed with awareness and recognition, parents can effectively counterbalance its influence in their daughters' lives.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Paperbacks; Reprint edition (January 31, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0061711535
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0061711534
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 0.8 x 5.2 x 7.8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 539 ratings

About the author

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Peggy Orenstein
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Peggy Orenstein is the author of the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter and Waiting for Daisy as well as Unraveling, Don’t Call Me Princess, Flux, and the classic SchoolGirls. A frequent contributor to The New York Times and a contributing writer for AFAR, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker, and has contributed commentaries to NPR’s All Things Considered and The PBS News Hour. She has been featured on, among other programs, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Today Show, Morning Joe, and NPR’s Fresh Air. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over six million times.

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
539 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book highly readable, enjoyable, and fascinating. They also describe it as insightful, informative, and provoking good questions. Readers describe the humor as funny, witty, and lighthearted.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

54 customers mention "Readability"54 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well worth reading, interesting, and entertaining. They say it's enjoyable, a must-read for all parents, and helpful to read bits and pieces to their husbands. Readers also mention the book is not long and brings up many valid concerns about the princess culture.

"...But the tone is readable, conversational, and meant to illicit thought and discussion. It's a enjoyable, accessible read." Read more

"Part anecdotal, part research and a lot of humor makes this book very enjoyable and informative. I finished it in two days...." Read more

"...The book is definitely worth a read with more in depth research on, as her chapter title says, "Wholesome to Whoresome: The Other Disney..." Read more

"This was a fantastic book, that even as a mother of a boy, I was recommending it to other moms (of girls) at the playground...." Read more

52 customers mention "Thought provoking"50 positive2 negative

Customers find the book insightful, informative, and fascinating. They appreciate the author's extensive research and thought-provoking stats. Readers also mention the book has a broad appeal and personal anecdotes on how to guide them.

"...Lastly, this book is not overly academic. It's got plenty of research behind it, and that research is referenced and cited within the text and more..." Read more

"...It poses a lot of good questions about why things are the way they are and what it truly means to be female...." Read more

"...Lastly, the history of the Grimm brothers’ fairytales was fascinating. But I'm not saying anything more! Read the book!****..." Read more

"...I guess what I'm saying is this book has a broad appeal, mothers to boys, mothers to girls, women interested in what used to be called Feminist..." Read more

16 customers mention "Humor"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the humor in the book funny, entertaining, witty, and lighthearted. They also say it's a fast-paced read with a likable, believable, and familiar voice.

"...It's a enjoyable, accessible read." Read more

"...Unlike many other well-researched books, this is always entertaining, never dry, and easy to digest, even if the subject matter is troubling...." Read more

"...First off, I thought the writing was intelligent and engaging...." Read more

"...I found this book to be insightful, funny, and very honest about the culture of all things sparkly pink and the limits our color coded play/dress/..." Read more

4 customers mention "Eye opening"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book fascinating, in-depth, and wonderful. They also mention it's bright, flowy, and sparkly.

"...Dresses are fun because they are bright, flowy and sparkly, not necessarily because she is a girl and that's what society expects her to wear...." Read more

"Highly readable and entertaining, an excellent look at what damage the "Pink Culture" is doing to girls (and boys) -- and later, women (and men)...." Read more

"...It's a fascinating, in-depth look at why we are the way we are. Hint: It's not always DNA...." Read more

"Wonderful! And eye opening...." Read more

5 customers mention "Time spent"0 positive5 negative

Customers find the book not worth the time it takes to read it. They say it's boring and doesn't get to the point.

"...I was disappointed by the end of the book." Read more

"...This book was really not worth the time it took to read it, and my hopes that it would get better were not fulfilled." Read more

"...As someone who is truly dedicated to feminism, I found the book kind of boring, but I would recommend it to anyone who is just starting to look into..." Read more

"...about half way through but the author seems to just ramble and not get to the point...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2011
First, I'd like to talk for a moment about things this book is not:

It is not about fearing or completely banning princesses, pink, etc. from your child's life. It is not about stifling any expression of traditional femininity. It's not about judging or shaming parents for buying princess-related toys. It's also not purporting to solve all of the problems created by our current cultural climate for girls. There are some suggestions on how parents might navigate these issues, many of them from the experts Orenstein interviews or gleaned from her years of studies in this area. But the book does not offer any sweeping concrete solutions, that's not what it's about.

This book is, instead, an exploration of aspects of United States culture as they relate to girls and young women. It focuses specifically on how certain cultural concepts of femininity are aggressively and pervasively marketed to our kids. It also discusses how that plays out in real life - both the nuances of meaning in the messages being sent, and in how parents do and can respond to it. "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" will be an eye-opener for many people, and for that reason it is very important... but even if you feel you've been down this road before in some respects, I think it is still an important book.

Orenstein acknowledges the challenges parents face in combating influence this pervasive - if one is uncomfortable with the messages being sent to girls through marketing, media, and so on, what is there to do about it? What can you say yes to? How to deal with saying "no"? Where should parents draw the line, and what to make of their feelings of confusion or ambivalence about these issues? One anecdote in the book illustrates this well: Orenstein is in a department store with her daughter, trying to decide how to handle Daisy's desire for a specific cheaply-made princess-type toy, one her father said she could have but that Orenstein feels conflicts with the family's values. Her confusion about how to handle the situation momentarily brings both her and her daughter to tears. Many parents have felt that confusion and gotten hung up on it in balancing their ideals with real-life situations, and the fact that this book acknowledges and attempts to help parents cope with that confusion - without being prescriptive - will be a relief to many. It's difficult to parent inside a culture one is critical of. Commiseration, discussion, and a little guidance help a lot...and this book offers those things.

I also think the up-to-date factor is important. There are many books on parenting girls and teens in a misogynist culture, focusing on bullying, abuse, eating disorders, body image, and so on. There are other books on the influence of media and popular culture on girls and teens. But pop culture, and its impact, change - and parents must keep up with that. Today, focusing on the youngest set (as this book does) seems incredibly important given that corporations are specifically targeting little girls with some very loaded, very influential messages.

Lastly, this book is not overly academic. It's got plenty of research behind it, and that research is referenced and cited within the text and more extensively in the lengthy "notes" section at the back of the book. But the tone is readable, conversational, and meant to illicit thought and discussion. It's a enjoyable, accessible read.
16 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2012
Part anecdotal, part research and a lot of humor makes this book very enjoyable and informative. I finished it in two days. A book like this was needed, as I'm sure many people have noticed the trend of what can only be described as unnecessary cutesieness and girliness. For some reason now EVERYTHING for girl children must be pink. EVERY toy must be inherently girly, feminine or overly saccharine to be marketed to (and liked) by girls. I'm only in my early 20s and the difference between now and my childhood is already intense.

Orenstein did a lot of research at companies like Disney, American Girl, Sesame Street, Nickelodeon, and Mattel. She visited parents of preschool girls, young girls themselves, went to a Miley Cyrus concert and even child beauty pageants. She also spoke to plenty of experienced professionals who have done plenty of studies on gender, girls, child development and more. Unlike many other well-researched books, this is always entertaining, never dry, and easy to digest, even if the subject matter is troubling.

She poses a lot of interesting subjects surrounding this explosion of the pink princess culture for little girls and how that somehow morphs into an overly sexual, materialistic and narcissistic culture for school-aged and teenaged girls. There are also a lot of negative and even frightening implications on not only how exploited children (of both genders) are by companies and consumerism, but how that has had such an extreme impact on the lives of all Americans and our culture as a whole.

The book is also filled with plenty of funny or poignant moments the author shares with her young daughter. She is very opened about what many mothers are rather ashamed of or nervous to admit--that she's constantly worried about messing her child's life up. But at the same time it is clear that Orenstein is a good mother who tries her best; and like all of us sometimes her personal biases funnel her child into thought processes she wants her to have.

The book is definitely one I recommend, and it's very good if you're into gender studies, feminism or are about to/are raising a little girl. It poses a lot of good questions about why things are the way they are and what it truly means to be female. However, like someone put in a negative review this is not a book on how to "combat" the girly culture for your child. This is more of a sociological observation book investigating the girly culture's roots and its effects on girls, boys, parents and society as a whole. But when it comes to "combating" it the author is sometimes at just as much of a loss as other parents on how to stop/prevent it. After all, you can't keep your kid in a box.
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Why and how to keep princesses and exclusively pink away..
Reviewed in India on December 11, 2016
Sick and tired of princesses and pink, but not sure if and how to resist it... ? This book is for you. No idea what is wrong with princesses and pink? Than this book is for you too.
Elektra
5.0 out of 5 stars Un livre très bien écrit et à lire par les parents
Reviewed in France on January 15, 2016
Très bon livre. A lire selon moi par tous les parents - de filles comme de garçons. Il n'est pas traduit en français mais l'anglais est plutôt accessible. Une bonne critique sur la manière d'élever les enfants, la segmentation des marchés, la folie princesses et les excès aux US qui risquent de toucher la société Européenne dans un futur proche
og505
5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favourite feminist texts
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 3, 2013
This book comes from the perspective of a life-long feminist who is also a mother to a daughter, two roles which are at times difficult to reconcile. This is precisely the reason why Cinderella Ate My Daughter is such an important book. My problem with some feminist books is that they can be a bit abstract and quite theoretical. Orenstein avoids this problem by speaking directly about her own experiences and being frank about the conflicting feelings she feels as a mother and as a feminist. She combines myriad examples with research and her own experiences while providing guidance for mothers who may find themselves in the same Cinderella-dominated world for young girls. This is one of my favourite feminist books and it's definitely changed the way I view gender socialization and the problems that young girls face. Don't be deceived by the deep topic matter: this is very easy to read and I had a hard time putting it down.
Alicia
4.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Reviewed in Spain on June 30, 2013
I loved it, not only does it think about the impact the whole "disney princesses" industry can have in little girls, it also analyses how the disney and other toy brands use marketing to sell a very skewed version of what it means to be a girl and the possible effects it might have in the future.
Apple nami
5.0 out of 5 stars Pflichtlektüre
Reviewed in Germany on February 18, 2013
Für alle die sich fragen, ob all diese Rueschen Nebenwirkungen haben könnten. Hier findet man Antworten. Pflichtlektüre für Eltern von Mädchen.