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“I've never seen such urination-arity!”

~ Oscar Wilde on this page

“This is the Main Page”

~ Captain Obvious on this page

As it happens, a Main Page is a page of primarity, popularity and urination-arity Today's featured paragraph Freedom is an abstract concept invented by American politicians who needed a word that could convince people to let them do whatever they wanted and still get reelected. In its most basic form, freedom means everything people in America love, and everything people outside of America – especially terrorists, communists, and the French – hate. Let's say, for example, that I approach Martha Barlow, an American housewife with two children, as she pulls a warm apple pie out of her oven and ask her what she thinks of freedom. She'd probably say it's pretty darn great! In the next room her husband Joe, tired after a long but rewarding day at the office, is watching a baseball game and eating a TV dinner. Asked how he felt about freedom, he'd probably also say it's pretty darn great! Now, let's go next door to their neighbor's house, where the Gilberts, two French Muslim lesbians, live. Ask them about freedom, and what would they say? "Why, being French, Muslim, gay, and also socialist, which the sexy, sexy narrator previously failed to mention, I hold in my heart an unrelenting disdain for freedom, and I hope, but not pray because I'm also an atheist, for the day in which all the world is ruled by a single, oppressive communist regime. Now, if you'll excuse me, my partner and I need to go dress up in our maid outfits so we can engage in hot, godless, kinky lesbian sex." Mmmm, yeah. (Full article...) Recently featured: Unfomercials:Coors Light Presents: The American Man Spider-Man Brain rot My Brawl With Santa Claus on Christmas 1978 Archive – Vote for featured articles You know you're WTF when... Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 386,501 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 386,501 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 386,501 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 386,501 total flamewars purged. Advertising Sign in kumquat Uncyc | Images | Forum | Users | UnMail   Advanced search Over 386,501 total flamewars purged. Advertising Did you know... *...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake? ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once? ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?	In the news only in ohio Smokey the Bear revealed to be cause of LA fires The Ohio State wins skibidi championship rizz (Pictured) In an alternate universe, Notre Dame wins and saves us all from this monstrosity Elon Musk "accidentally" does a tribute to.. y'know Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show TikTok gets banned and unbanned in the US within 24 hours. Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025) David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game; backups tush-pushed out of playoffs Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card California's real estate market is on fire... literally. And in shambles. Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100 Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump Google reveals least popular searches of 2024 Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • Ohio State championship win memes from Gen Alpha • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again Recent deaths: Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • David Lynch • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright Upcoming deaths: TikTok, for real this time • The Kansas City Chiefs Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer On this day... January 23: Being Cut Off in the Middle of a Sentence Day 1321 - Pope Francis admits that the Vatican is actually a dormant— 1953 - Communists Chinamen will spring a massive coup in fourteen— 1969 - NASA warns that alien invaders will attack the city of— 2005 - The CIA admits finally admits it killed— 2011 - D.B Cooper comes out of hiding, reveals his money is hidden in— 2013 - MIT discovers the secret to immortality. It's so simple. The one thing you should never do is— 2809 - Second Coming of Jesus! Jesus descends to Earth and— 3809 - Judgment Day! God says you can get into heaven by—
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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