Dear Therapist,

My beloved dad died four months ago, leaving me to settle his estate and manage my mom’s affairs. I had no idea what went into closing an estate. Dad had asked me to take on this role more than a decade ago, so getting it wasn’t a surprise—the surprise was its breadth and challenges.

Despite the rigors of this chapter—in addition to my grief over losing my 87-year-old dad—I’ve found it healing to honor the requests he laid out. His primary goal was to take good care of my 84-year-old mom, to whom he was married for 64 years, and to whom I’ve never been close. I’m her middle child and oldest daughter, and she’s told me several times throughout my life that Dad preferred me to her. My older brother and dad never got along. My dad wanted a big-man-on-campus-type son (being a quarterback, showing interest in cars and girls, having a family, playing golf), but my brother has been none of those things. He moved states away after college and has never married. My younger sister also felt unseen by Dad, and skipped town to build and focus on her own family.

I am the “golden child” who never wanted the job.