My London: Matthew Parris
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Home is…
Derbyshire, where I was an MP, and Limehouse, where my flat is.
Last play you saw?
The Goat by Edward Albee at the Theatre Royal Haymarket. My partner [Julian Glover] and I were taken out by Anji Hunter, who was Tony Blair’s assistant. We had a marvellous evening but the play was dreadful, such foul language. Damian Lewis was good but there was too much shouting.
Favourite shop?
I’m only interested in buying light bulbs, so I would say that my favourite London shop is Tower DIY [on Commercial Road, E1] and my second favourite is Screwfix.
What would you do if you were Mayor for the day?
Devise an extremely complicated pricing scheme that records the roads you’ve driven on and charges accordingly. If you want to go around Trafalgar Square you’d probably pay about £15. We could do away with a lot of congestion by charging more at rush hour. I think Sadiq is a great figurehead for London — not too much grandstanding, which Boris [Johnson] and Ken Livingstone were a little guilty of. I’m proud that we have a Muslim as Mayor of London.
If you had to be locked in a building overnight, which would it be?
I could happily spend the night wandering the London sewers. I went once with Peter Bazalgette, a descendant of the man who designed them [Joseph Bazalgette]. It doesn’t feel particularly dirty — it’s not as if you stand aside as everyone flushes their toilet and you get washed away. I’m like a kind of human sewer rat.
Biggest extravagance?
Bulk wholesale light-bulb orders.
Favourite discovery?
Swimming in the Thames. That’s now illegal! When I passed 60 I thought it was really time to try. I got someone to signal to me from the other side that there were no ships coming but it was a mistake to go before the tide had turned — I was swept a mile upstream and had to run home in my pants.
Who is your hero?
My professional hero was Sir Keith Joseph (below), Margaret Thatcher’s mentor and one of the last people who managed to be both a deep thinker and a successful politician.
What do you collect?
The postman leaves lots of rubber bands (above) behind, which I started wrapping around a walnut. It’s now nearly the size of a football. I wait excitedly for the postman in the hope that he will drop some. It has become an important part of my life.
Best piece of advice?
My father’s advice that most problems — if you don’t do anything about them — just go away within a few days or weeks.
Favourite spot for a nightcap?
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The American Bar at the Savoy (above). I’m a very keen bourbon drinker.
Who do you call when you want to have fun?
I have more fun with Julian than anyone. We’ve been together for about 20 years, and we’ve had a civil partnership for 11 years.
Parris writes columns for ‘The Times’ and ‘The Spectator’ and presents the BBC Radio 4 programme ‘Great Lives’