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13 Funny (And Clever) Celebrity Quotes Worth Remembering
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Vote up the wise and witty celebrity quotes worth remembering.
Celebrities learn quickly to watch their words. After all, most of the remarks they utter to fans and reporters are carefully catalogued and dissected by the public - especially in the age of the internet. Speaking without thinking can lead to quotes taken out of context or judged by the masses. With such scrutiny on their sound bites, it's that much more impressive when stars have pithy, quick comebacks to interviewers asking prying questions - and that much more spicy when they let an insult fly.
And while celebrities aren't generally known for their sage wisdom, these actors, athletes, and singers managed to give snappy retorts that made us laugh, but also made us think. With many of these sentiments, it's funny because it's true.
Vote up the amusing celebrity quotes that are worth keeping in your back pocket.
Dubbed the queen of the one-liner, Dolly Parton has uttered her trademark quote on several occasions: “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap!”
Parton has openly discussed her famous appearance, and the criticisms she has received for it over the years:
People wanted me to change, they thought I looked cheap. But I patterned my look after the town tramp. Everybody said, “She's trash.” And in my little girl mind, I thought, “Well, that's what I'm going to be when I grow up.” It was really like a look I was after… I wasn't a natural beauty. So, I just like to look the way I look. I'm so outgoing inside in my personality, that I need the way I look to match all of that.
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Cher's love life has made plenty of headlines over her decades of stardom, from her famous partnership with Sonny Bono to one of her “greatest lovers” - Tom Cruise. But she has also made headlines for some of her viral comments on the male species.
One soundbite from a TV appearance took on a life of its own; when asked “Do you think men are important?” Cher plainly replied, “Like, for what?”
But her most oft-quoted interview about men was with Jane Pauley for Dateline in 1996. Pauley confronted Cher about her previous statement that “a man is not a necessity; a man is a luxury.” The songstress responded, “Like dessert, yeah. A man is absolutely not a necessity.”
When Pauley asked if she intended to sound “mean and bitter,” Cher articulated her point:
Not at all! I adore dessert! I think men are the coolest. But you don't really need them to live. My mom said to me, “You know, sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.” I said, “Mom, I am a rich man." My experience with men is great because I pick them because I like them. I don't need them.
Taylor Swift even referenced the line in her music video for her song, “You Need To Calm Down.”
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This legendary David Bowie quote was actually first said to him by a random man passing by. According to assistant director Michael Dignum, who worked with the singer on the music video for “Miracle Goodnight,” Bowie relayed the following story to him:
I had [quite] the attitude as a young pop star, it's easy to get caught up in the hype. It changes you.
So [I] was on the set of the music video “Ashes to Ashes”… we're on the beach shooting this scene with a giant bulldozer… In this video [I'm] dressed from head to toe in a clown suit. Why not. I hear playback and the music starts. So off I go, I start singing and walking, but as soon as I do this old geezer with an old dog [walks] right between me and the camera…
Well knowing this is gonna take a while, I walked past the old guy and sat next to camera in my full costume waiting for him to pass. As he is walking by [the] camera the director said, “Excuse me Mr., do you know who this is?" The old guy looks at me from bottom to top and looks back to the director and said… "Of course I do! It's some c*nt in a clown suit."
That was a huge moment for me. It put me back in my place and made me realize, yes, I'm just a c*nt in a clown suit. I think about that old guy all the time.
The anecdote is also recounted by Dylan Jones in the biography, David Bowie: A Life. It seemed the sentiment helped Bowie not to take himself too seriously - as he once remarked, “You know, what I do is not terribly intellectual. I'm a pop singer for Christ's sake.”
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As a creator and star of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Rob McElhenney has undergone several physical transformations playing Ronald "Mac" McDonald. At one point, he gained a significant amount of weight in a short timespan for the character's plot line; in another, he went the other direction to play a jacked Mac.
Cheekily imparting his fitness regime and lifestyle recommendations for bulking up, McElhenney sarcastically explained on Instagram:
Look, it’s not that hard. All you need to do is lift weights six days a week, stop drinking alcohol, don’t eat anything after 7pm, don’t eat any carbs or sugar at all, in fact just don’t eat anything you like, get the personal trainer from Magic Mike, sleep nine hours a night, run three miles a day, and have a studio pay for the whole thing over a six to seven month span. I don’t know why everyone’s not doing this. It’s a super realistic lifestyle and an appropriate body image to compare oneself to.
Put it on a T-shirt?Former reality star and fashion designer Lauren Conrad had a quick and clever response when asked a salacious question on a radio show.
In 2012, while appearing on Sway in the Morning, Conrad was asked to answer a random question pulled from the “mystery sack.” The slip of paper she read aloud asked, “What's your favorite position?”
Rather than acknowledging the intended sexual nature of the question, Conrad replied, “CEO.”
Put it on a T-shirt?Anthony Bourdain is often remembered for some of his wise witticisms about food, travel, and life. When discussing his “inner hippie” in 2014, he made a comment that struck a relatable chord with many people:
There's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed and smoke weed all day and watch cartoons and old movies. I could easily do that. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid and outwit that guy.
Put it on a T-shirt?Mike Tyson's famous line has taken on a life of its own beyond the world of boxing, now quoted by entrepreneurs, journalists, and even world leaders.
But the quote was initially a retort to a reporter who asked Tyson in the mid-1990s if he was worried about his opponent's plans ahead of a match with famous rival Evander Holyfield. Tyson replied, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
Years later, Tyson provided further context to his quote:
People were asking me [before a fight], “What’s going to happen?” They were talking about [Holyfield's] style. “He's going to give you a lot of lateral movement. He's going to move, he's going to dance. He's going to do this, do that.” I said, “Everybody has a plan until they get hit. Then, like a rat, they stop in fear and freeze.”
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Actor and comedian Danny Pudi is best known for shows like Community, Mythic Quest, the rebooted animated series DuckTales, and his meme-ified response to Larry King.
When King asked Pudi what luxury he couldn't live without, Pudi answered “coffee.” Not considering coffee a luxury, King pestered him for another response; his second answer was socks. Describing what he would consider an appropriate response to the question, King named a private plane. Pudi dryly delivered a modest, fan-favorite response: “Larry, I'm on DuckTales.”
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While appearing on Larry King Live in 1990 to promote her book Postcards from the Edge, the famously clever and candid author and actress answered fan questions, including:
Hi Carrie, I just think you’re so witty and so smart and I was wondering, do you find that people, but men especially, are intimidated by you?
Fisher clarified, “First of all, I don't think of men as people."
Though this nugget is the part still quoted decades later, Fisher continued, “I hope they are intimidated by me, yes… Sometimes! It depends on if they’re smart or not.”
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Kim Cattrall's quote from an interview with The Guardian has become something of an internet meme, used as a joking decline to oft-dreaded obligations such as baby showers or work meetings.
One might surmise it's a reference to Cattrall's infamous drama with her Sex and the City co-stars. But while she does address being finished with the franchise in the same interview ("I’d had enough"), the quote is actually a reference to the brevity of life and choosing to spend it with loved ones after losing family members:
The tragedies in my life continue to shape me. Now I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself. I want to choose who I spend time with personally and professionally. It’s my life. I lost my dad seven years ago, to Alzheimer’s, and Mum has just turned 90. I’ve become aware there’s only so much time left.
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Whoopi Goldberg was preaching to the singles' choir when she spoke with The New York Times about her feelings on marriage:
I’m much happier on my own. I can spend as much time with somebody as I want to spend, but I’m not looking to be with somebody forever or live with someone… I don’t want somebody in my house.
The actress, whose most recent marriage ended back in 1995, says she’s felt that way toward matrimony for a long time: “I’m the round peg, and marriage is the square hole. You can’t have a square hole, can you?”
Put it on a T-shirt?We can almost hear Jesse Eisenberg's deadpan delivery of this interview response, which makes it all the more funny:
TF: You’re practiced in the art of self-deprecation…
Eisenberg: Exactly. Also, since I was 18 I’ve got to be in movies so sometimes you want to be self-deprecating to offset people who feel some aggression toward you for being in stuff. People on the street sometimes will say mean things to me.
TF: Like what?
Eisenberg: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.
TF: What do you say back?
Eisenberg: I say, “Please Abraham, I’m not that man.”
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The Goop founder is well-known for her unconventional lifestyle products and beauty tactics. But while Gwyneth Paltrow is usually one to tout the benefits of organic, healthy, clean living, in an interview with Harper's Bazaar, she remarked that it's all about balance:
You know, I use organic products, but I get lasers. It's what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu.
Paltrow revealed she allows herself one cigarette a week: “My one light American Spirit that I smoke once a week, on Saturday night.”
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