Men’s Experiences of Psychological and Other Forms of Abuse in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study
Abstract
:1. Introduction
2. Materials and Methods
2.1. Study Design
2.2. Study Sample, Data Collection, and Procedure
2.3. Data Analysis
2.4. Ethical Considerations
3. Results
3.1. Experiences of Abuse in the Relationship
It was many verbal assaults. She also threatened me with a rivet, to hit my head with the rivet, and [has] threatened to cut my throat. But otherwise, it’s verbal abuse that she has exposed me to. With infidelity, and humiliation; and smearing my children, my friends, even work colleagues. A narcissistic behaviour that I had a hard time coming to terms with and I didn’t think in any way that I deserved to be exposed to that. Not blows, but then the screaming, infidelity and betrayal. Well, I don’t even know how to describe it all.(Participant B)
Yes, I sat and thought about it earlier today and it’s hard just to kind of feel that you’re a member of that group of people—men—who’ve been exposed to violence. It was nothing physical, but rather it has been an incredible number of stressful situations, psychological abuse through games and manipulations and things like that which have caused me to basically burn out, and not be able to sleep. I take anti-depressants; I’ve gone to psychologists.(Participant C)
It’s difficult to judge when the violence began. But afterward, I came to understand that it is violence and that it started a little earlier than I thought. Early on, I even thought that my partner maybe had a mental illness; she criticized me in front of others constantly, and her own problems became mine. Also at first, I thought she suffered some kind of depression. And anything that was not done her way was somehow wrong. So, I didn’t get to be myself. I had to adapt to her mood and kept finding excuses for her behaviour. Yes, I felt controlled through SMSs [short message services], long e-mails, verbal assault, and criticism even in front of my child.(Participant F)
“My partner called me constantly, but as I said, she called at work all the time, so I lost that job. And then I lost another job because of this. I ended up losing two jobs”.(Participant A)
Five years of physical, psychological, and economic abuse. We actually met at a pub. It was good at first, but then it got worse and worse. I saw this tendency quite early, but it escalated as time passed. It was like where are you?, Where are you going? (My partner needed constant FaceTime and my exact location.) […] My freedom of movement and my freedom of speech were limited; and also, I was not allowed to express myself in the way I wanted.(Participant G)
I have been beaten, often. I have tried to talk to friends about it. I’ve said that I think maybe, it’s so much to repress, but maybe it’s. It’s not once every 6 months and it’s not once a week, but maybe once a month or once every 2 months.(Participant K)
“… it was mostly psychological abuse. She tormented both me and the children and everyone else around. She’s been like that for 12 years.”(Participant J)
3.2. Feelings of Isolation, Loneliness, and Shame
No, I’m not afraid for my life. I am mostly afraid of being alone. Because if I lose her, then I will be alone for the rest of my life. Two previous relationships and one with an addict who was completely crazy, threatening me with serious violence at one point and scamming me out of money at another.(Participant I)
During the relationship, I felt isolated from my sister and my parents because they wanted nothing to do with her. They haven’t, they haven’t come here to visit almost. I mean in other contexts, well, what should I do […]. I don’t know. It’s probably all that has been affecting everyone.(Participant H)
I can’t bear it; it doesn’t matter, because I won’t be believed anyway. And the women explain it away and the men think “Well, blame yourself, you idiot. Who runs after chicks?” Because if you’re functional then you are a man. If you’re a woman and functional, you’re still that other. But if you are a man and not well, then you are nothing else, you will be alone.(Participant I)
I decided to tell no one what I was going through—the physical and verbal abuse probably because I felt shame, I think. You don’t want to tell that your wife is going “bananas”. You try to quiet her down at parties when she may have a little too much to drink. Stuff like that all the damn time. And instead of just being able to be proud of your wife.(Participant K)
“I stayed; I didn’t leave […]. I have no idea. I kind of just wanted to keep it together … Then, there was that thing that you had, you didn’t think you deserved anything better; you don’t want to be alone.”(Participant J)
I’m probably “old school”, you keep the family together at any cost, obviously. Oddly enough, I have cried like hell. There is so much stuff that we have, so much financial stuff together that it becomes difficult. I have built a whole life, a summer cottage by the water, boats, jet skis, scooters, and more […]. I’m afraid to be in debt, afraid that I won’t be able to afford to keep certain things. For example, the summer cottage which has gone up by two million SEK.(Participant K)
3.3. Perceived Deterioration of Health and Wellbeing
Yes, it’s been difficult, very, very difficult. I have gained 25 kg in weight. As I said, I can’t sleep without psychiatric medication. I’ve never taken a tablet for something like that before. There is also the shame. In my world, it’s shameful to have to do that kind of crap to be able to sleep.(Participant K)
Yes, still it’s like a kind of after-violence as well. She never gives up. She has even begun to go after my new relationship. What she wants to get out of it, I don’t understand. It went so far that I tried to kill myself before meeting my current partner. I was going crazy. And it’s been a hell of a story in itself. I drank alcohol and took sleeping pills. Then it started to hit home.(Participant J)
When my partner would say, I’m going to the police, I became scared, I can honestly say. Because then it was like, yes, even if I am the victim of the abuse if I’m convicted of something, then I’m in trouble. Then I might as well kill myself.(Participant I)
If you think in terms of everyday life, I have been and am still very, very tired. Constantly exhausted. It’s hard to do a lot of things. I have a hard time getting through a workday, it’s like it’s a struggle even though I don’t even work full-time now. Otherwise, you’re just really tired. It has driven me into depression and anxiety that is still ongoing. I really have a hard time, and I have very little motivation for things in general and I’m just like this, I have no desire to do anything so it’s very much like that. I’ve had a hard time sleeping. Still today is pretty hard to sleep, but it’s gotten better.(Participant C)
My partner ghosted me from time to time … one day she’s gone, then she returns and starts being cute, but then you confront her and say something; and then all of a sudden she disappears again for a couple of days, and you know this could happen, could it be a week before my birthday or something. I felt really bad and asked my sister to take me to a psychiatrist because I had suicidal thoughts.(Participant E)
Because of the abuse, my addiction escalated; it was even worse because of the things that were happening. I tried to have my treatment in place and put right the pieces to understand the whole. But I really had a hard time, for a year I was clean. I didn’t feel well, felt emotionally closed, depressed, and thought I was worth nothing … and I believed that I wouldn’t be able to have a life without her.(Participant D)
3.4. Negative Experiences with Public Services
I don’t know, I contacted the health services, and they sent me to a good private psychologist. And he raised a lot of thoughts in me. So that helped a little bit and then some things he explained that, yes. He told me that I needed to start thinking about myself and not just think about everyone else. That yes, I’m not the one who is selfish or egotistical. “It’s not about being selfish”, he said. “This is about respecting yourself”. And it is actually so.(Participant A)
She [his partner] has been physically aggressive towards him [his son]. I have to always be awake in case something happens. I know I should apply for sole custody. They changed personnel, and I didn’t feel that they always handled the investigation in a serious way. And I’m thinking, they take the child’s perspective. It’s about the child, but it can also make it difficult because they are different services; because I am an adult, this is on another level. The social services listened to her narrative, especially based on her way of criticizing me as a father.(Participant F)
I reported my partner for fraudulent behaviour and illegal threats. I received a notice from my previous work, then I asked the manager if maybe I could talk to someone; yes, we had an agreement with my previous organization that they would report it. I filed a police report at some point, but they didn’t understand anything.(Participant I)
“I have lost trust in everyone. You completely lose trust in everyone. And when I filed a police report on my partner, it led to nothing.”(Participant J)
“I received a call from the police saying that I should urgently report to them or contact them, which I did. And at ten o’clock on Tuesday, I was there with a lawyer that I was assigned and then I found out that I am suspected of rape and molestation. She had applied for a restraining order. No, I was not molesting my partner; the authorities believed her story, and I was afraid of what could happen to me. Also, my contact with health services led to nothing”(Participant B)
4. Discussion
4.1. Study Strengths and Limitations
4.2. Practical Implications
5. Conclusions
Author Contributions
Funding
Institutional Review Board Statement
Informed Consent Statement
Data Availability Statement
Acknowledgments
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Respondent | Age (Years) | Marital Status | Educational Attainment | Income (in-Thousand SEK/Year) |
---|---|---|---|---|
A | 56 | Separated | University | >250 |
B | 73 | Separated | Secondary | 150–250 |
C | 35 | Separated | University | >250 |
D | 38 | Cohabitating | Primary | >250 |
E | 38 | Separated | Secondary | >250 |
F | 47 | Separated | University | >250 |
G | 28 | Married | University | >250 |
H | 52 | Married | Primary | <150 |
I | 39 | Cohabitating | University | >250 |
J | 47 | Married | Primary | <150 |
K | 47 | Married | Primary | <250 |
1. When we talk about violence/abuse, it can mean many things. What experiences of violence and abuse have you had? |
2. When did the violence/abuse start? And how did it develop? |
3. If you ever tried to confide in someone, what happened? |
4. How have your experiences affected your life? At home, at work, your friendships? |
5. How have your experiences affected your health and wellbeing? |
6. What is your experience with different services such as primary care, social services, and the police when you told them that you were exposed to violence/abuse in your relationship? |
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Macassa, G.; Stål, F.; Rydback, M.; Pliakas, J.; Winsjansen, D.; Hiswåls, A.-s.; Soares, J. Men’s Experiences of Psychological and Other Forms of Abuse in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study. Societies 2025, 15, 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc15010017
Macassa G, Stål F, Rydback M, Pliakas J, Winsjansen D, Hiswåls A-s, Soares J. Men’s Experiences of Psychological and Other Forms of Abuse in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study. Societies. 2025; 15(1):17. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc15010017
Chicago/Turabian StyleMacassa, Gloria, Frida Stål, Michelle Rydback, Joan Pliakas, Daniel Winsjansen, Anne-sofie Hiswåls, and Joaquim Soares. 2025. "Men’s Experiences of Psychological and Other Forms of Abuse in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study" Societies 15, no. 1: 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc15010017
APA StyleMacassa, G., Stål, F., Rydback, M., Pliakas, J., Winsjansen, D., Hiswåls, A.-s., & Soares, J. (2025). Men’s Experiences of Psychological and Other Forms of Abuse in Intimate Relationships: A Qualitative Study. Societies, 15(1), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc15010017