Reviews
Doctor Who: Orphan 55 (2020)
And I thought "Kill the Moon" lacked subtlety...
Well... let's see if we can start out with some good things. Uhhh... the Doctor doesn't say the word "fam"? Does that count for something? Ok let's just get to it shall we. "Orphan 55" is the single worst episode since the revival. That may sound like an overstatement, but I have rarely seen such a confused and transparent blend of clichés and contrivances. The writing here is unfathomably incompetent, the pacing is all over the place, the editing is choppy and the directing is graceless. The premise is familiar, and surely tired by now.
And the attempts at character arcs... to say they fall flat would be to put it gently. There's no development, no visible change, no growth. Until the end where the episode tries to convince us there was after all with these big emotional moments. Sorry, I don't buy your shallow attempts at making me feel something. I just don't. The moment at the end where they suck their thumbs manages to beat Tennant running with the Olympics torch as the dumbest moment in the revived era.
But the worst offense is the message at the end. You would find more sublety in a smack to the face with a hot frying pan. The Doctor might as well have just broken the fourth wall and said "Hey viewers, climate change is real!" I mean I don't mind listening to science and saving the planet and all, but after watching this episode I almost feel more inclined to go set fire to every forest on the earth personally. Incredible.
Mr. Robot: shutdown -r (2017)
Perfect - an amazing end to an amazing season
This season... god, this season is probably now my favorite season of any TV show, ever. There's literally nothing I thought was slightly underwhelming, or could have been done in a way that definitely would have been better. I have zero issues with it. Season 3 of Mr. Robot was a masterpiece.
In this finale, everything works. The acting, the directing, the music, the way that it's shot, everything just works to flawnessness.
I am so glad that I was there, in the year 2017, to witness the art that was the third season of Mr. Robot. I don't know if I'm ever going to see anything like it again.
10/10.
Mr. Robot: eps3.0_power-saver-mode.h (2017)
Wow.
I'm in awe.
This show proved, once and for all, that it's one of the best TV shows ever written, and quite possibly the best show on TV right now. The premiere of season three or Mr. Robot was, to put it mildly, a masterpiece.
Everything about it just worked to perfection. The cinematography was beautiful, maybe even the best of any episode in the show. The directing was superb and the music was just excellent. The way the episode was written and paced was just amazing. The acting was just phenomenal, everyone on screen shined in all sorts of ways.
That's all I will say without giving any spoilers away. This episode amazed me like few others I've seen in my lifetime have. It is one of the best hours of television I've ever watched. "eps3.0_power- saver-mode.h" is a work of art and there's no doubt in my mind that it deserves a perfect score of 10 out of 10.
Game of Thrones: The Winds of Winter (2016)
An excellent finale to an excellent season.
I saw some people call this the best episode ever or something before I watched this episode (which I did after most people). And now I have seen it, and I'd like to say something too.
"The Winds of Winter" is a no less than great 68 minutes. However, I would not call it the best episode of neither all time nor this show. I don't think it's even the show's best season finale. Personally, I like the one from last year, "Mother's Mercy," more than this one, simply because of the heaviness of the emotional impact that one had on me.
That being said, I loved this episode. It maintained an intensity all the way through, had more than a few major character deaths, and it also had some moments of joy. It wrapped up the story lines of the season perfectly while setting the stage for what might be the last 13 episodes of the series. And that explosion was just awesome. 9.8/10
Game of Thrones: Battle of the Bastards (2016)
That was one kick*ss sixty minutes
The only other GoT episodes I'd give a perfect 10/10 are Season 5's "Hardhome" and Season 6's "The Door." If I made a list I'd probably rank "Battle of the Bastards" below those two (with "The Door" at #1). However they are equally perfect in my opinion. The three best episodes in the show's history.
So we follow two story lines in this episode: Meereen and the North. In Meereen, we see all three dragons in complete action, which we've never seen before. Daenerys & co. take care of the Masters once and for all, hopefully, finally. Later, Theon shows up and is officially done being Reek. Targaryen/Greyjoy team-up! Yay! But that's not what made this episode so amazing. In the North, Jon and Ramsay have a very tense first meeting. Davos finds Shireen's pyre. Rickon dies! I was watching and I had no idea whether he was going to live or die. R.I.P. Rickon Stark.
All hell breaks loose and it's freaking bad*ss. We get a long uncut shot where we just follow Jon as he *ss-kicks his way through Ramsay's army. That might be the best shot in the show's history. Then Littlefinger ex MAchina happens but I don't mind. Shame about Wun Wun. And finally, the hounds eat for the first time in a week. R.I.P. Ramsay. And by R.I.P. I mean Rest in pain.
In the end, an amazing hour of television, excellent from start to finish. Easily a 10/10.
Game of Thrones: No One (2016)
That moment when your idiotic theories don't come true
Best episode of the season except "The Door" (episode 5). In King's Landing, Cersei's hopes are crushed. Take that you filthy b*tch! As well as every fan who actually believed that Cleganebowl would happen. Never got the hype around that theory, glad it's now over.
In Meereen, Tyrion, Grey Worm, and Missandei get drunk, which is great, and then Daenerys returns. Anticlimactic? Perhaps, but I'd rather that than her storyline being dragged out for another several episodes.
The Hound runs into the Brotherhood, and Beric's alive! R.I.P. the hopes of those who wanted Lady Stoneheart to appear. Brienne and Jaime reunite, and the latter takes Riverrun. I'm glad we didn't get a battle. Too many battles wouldn't be a good thing.
Finally, in Braavos, a girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell and is going home. Damn right! Also, take that anyone who actually bought the Arya/waif face switch theory. (You can't take a living person's face, and Arya didn't know she was being targeted, and even if it weren't so, why the hell would they switch faces offscreen. *shakes head*) Remember, if your precious theories don't come to fruition, the disappointment is on you.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
The Franchise Re-awakens!
"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" is a wonderful movie. The cinematography is amazing, the direction is great, the pacing is the right amount of fast, the visuals are beautiful, the acting is great, the fight scenes are extremely well done. The characters have great development and both the new cast and the old cast are exceptional.
The plot? Very similar to "A New Hope," I know. Here's the thing. "Phantom Menace" when it came out was very different from the original trilogy and it alienated many fans because it made it hard to settle back into the Star Wars universe with such a strange movie. "Force Awakens", however delivers a familiar story, coupled with plenty of nostalgic imagery, in order to let us ease into the universe while introducing new characters and setting up for the new stories to come. And it works, as long as you keep your close-mindedness to a minimum. I know it worked for me.
Then there's the issue of Rey being a Mary Sue. I respectfully disagree. If you watch the movie, there are many instances in which she is clearly not quite on top of things. She nearly crashes the Milennium Falcon and doesn't get the hand of it until after several attempts; she opens the wrong door and lets out the rathtars. She has difficulty with the blaster's safety. She is easily subdued and taken captive by Kylo Ren. During the lightsaber fight, Kylo clearly has the upper hand until Rey manages to scar his face and escape with her life. She may be strong, but she's not a Mary Sue, because she's still vulnerable.
I know this movie is not perfect. When I watch it, there are some lines of dialogue that I know could have been better, there are a couple of scene transitions that could have been done better, there are some things that are hard to explain, like how the First Order built Starkiller Base. But these things aren't enough to bring the movie down for me. I would give it like an 8.5 or 8.8 out of ten, but since I can't do that I'm gonna give it a 9/10.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Star Wars Episode I: Disappointment Incarnate
"Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" is a worthless pile of garbage. It the letdown of a lifetime, with nearly no redeeming qualities. I'm almost baffled that none of the actors in this movie have committed suicide yet. I know I probably would if I knew I were responsible for a disaster such as this.
Let's list the good things first. The casting of Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi. The score by John Williams. Darth Maul. Gui-Gon's line about the ability to speak not making one intelligent. And that's about it.
First of all, the characters. Never in this film is there an attempt at developing any of the characters, or make them compelling. They show little to no emotion at all and they only do what they're told, or supposed to do. And don't even get me started on Jar Jar Jinx. Or is it Binks? Who cares.
The look of this movie isn't all that great either. Right now it's 2016 and the CGI of this movie is horribly dated. How unfortunate that a movie that came out 39 years ago looks so much better than one that came out 17 years ago. Why did it have to look so colorless and dry? The direction, the camera-work, the editing is impossibly stale and dull. Then there's the acting, which is not very impressive either. And the dialogue? The dialogue of this movie is at the same time unmemorable and cringeworthy. Did Lucas not know how people interact in real life or what?
And the pacing, my god the pacing! The movie starts and it spends 30 minutes randomly moving characters from one location to the next. Then the movie completely stops, and for literally 45 minutes we see characters talking and talking. Somewhere in those three quarters we see the pod racing sequence which does look kind of cool, until it drags on for too long. Then 15 minutes of discussions of politics, taxation and trade routes. You know, what we all wanted to see in a Star Wars movie! Finally we have the most complicated ending ever. It spontaneously cuts between four things happening at four different places. The only one of them that's remotely interesting is the lightsaber battle and that's mostly because of the Duel of the Fates song (which is awesome). Then the credits roll and I'm left with a feeling that's a mix of relief, anger and horror.
Overall, "The Phantom Menace" is one of the worst films in cinematic history, not just because of it's extremely poor quality in terms of filmmaking, but because of it's impact on us as an audience. In the end, a few good things is drowned in the incoherent stream of utter bulls**t. 3/10.