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The Traveler (2010)
To Nowhere
Absurd and terrible, with the slowest most awful pacing; pressing the fast forward button repeatedly and briskly is a prerequisite for getting through this slow boil to butchery. Val Kilmer eerily whistles his way through what is quite possibly the blandest role he has ever played. Some scenes were dragged out for so long using repeat footage and they kept looping back to earlier scenes multiple times; it is really pathetic. The idiocy of the characters is only exceed by the melodramatic ineptitude of the actors. Almost as grotesque as 'mark of the devil' but so poorly done. This movie assaults sensibilities and engenders disgust.
Dangerous (2021)
Too much flak
Eastwood stays cool and likeable just minding his own business trying to be a reformed sociopath taking his pills and not killing everybody which he is quite capable of and would just love to do. And so these ignorant, insensitive, callous, abrasive people around him, especially his ugly drunk mother, constantly provoke him with ignorant harshness and hate. Talk about poking the bear. Most of the supporting characters were crazier than the lead, including his "call me anytime" psychiatrist who helped D keep his sanity by being so accessible by phone. Eastwood carries it through but it would've been better with more ex-seal skills on display and less punishment taken in the hand to hand combat segments.
Red Stone (2021)
Boon, Goons & Fools
Slow motion torture, dragged out for maximum excruciation so that there's no way to watch this without playing the fast forward button like a drum and you can still follow the plodding idiocy. It's all made worse by Boon's plastic deadpan mannequin-like caricature, the five minute conversations that add nothing to the plot which oh so annoyingly follows an idiot kid who is just an incredibly moronic fool frozen with fear and stupidity. He runs away and then goes and waits for the shadrools to find him in the middle of the road. The loooong takes of nothing happening with no discernable significance are truly insufferable.
Boon (2022)
Boon, Goons & Fools
Accidently posted a review of "Red Stone" here which also features Boon in the same plastic mannequin-like caricature. In this one he is the title character and it features the same idiot kid who is the child of an incredibly idiotic mother who is a Baptist pastor in league with a crime syndicate and livin' in a bottle. A little bit better than "Red Stone" but not by much. Watched it on Amazon Prime and Red Stone automatically played right after Boon and it seemed like it was one, long stupid movie. Boon has especially unsavory, inane criminals including an Irish gangster and his Spanglish henchbeotch daughter in law who had no conscience and in fact no brain at all.
Rebel Ridge (2024)
Rambro Regret
If you're expecting the thrills, exhilaration and satisfaction of a Rambo against crooked cops story, which is obviously the plot they unabashedly stole, you will be extremely disappointed. This version is way too long and drawn out with the bad guys maintaining the upper hand through to a totally unsatisfying ending with no closure to whatever was supposed to be going on with the convoluted premise. 90 percent of the time, Rambro is acquiescing to everything, saying yes sir like the equivalent of yessa massa, and his only accomplice was a pathetic little weak victim girl seemingly incapable of generating any interpersonal chemistry. The hero's best action is ejecting rounds and magazines from firearms, and he only breaks one arm. Compare that to a Steven Seagull movie whare the bones never stop crunching lol. This dud of a film leaves you hoping evil police chief Don Johnson would shoot himself in the head but it cuts away to a very stupid ending. Avoid this and avoid the waste of time and the regret of watching the whole thing, waiting for some smitch of entertainment that never comes. The trailer has the only few good parts, just watch that and you've seen all there is worth seeing.
Jonah Hex (2010)
Hex & Fox
The grotesque ugliness of Brolin (Thanos) as Hex is nicely contrasted with the mega alluring gorgeousness of Megan (Subservience) Fox as the fox that she is. Plus you get Malkovich, Magneto Fassbender, agents Broyles and Lee from Fringe, and Aiden Quinn as President Grant. The supernatural element is nicely blended in to the post civil war wild west venue and the special effects are great, featuring a secretly developed weapon of mass destruction. The befriended hound dawg was a nice touch as was the narration by the lead antihero. His trash talking was good until he ran out of wise cracks lol. A major flaw: lighting for the inside scenes is awfully too dark. Will Hex & Fox save the day? You've got to see it for yourself.
Killer Heat (2024)
Thriller Sweet
Another excellent performance by Joseph Gordon-Levitt with his character narrating for maximum coolness, and what's not to like about Shailene Woodley. Stupendous cinematography, a taut premise enhanced by solid supporting actors and a crisp screenplay with well placed flashbacks makes it all quite engaging and gives this effort top shelf entertainment value. The lack of credulity is abated by the backstory of Levitt's dogged private investigator, the monozygotic twins and other distractions. Involving envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries and the like, it somehow builds up to a numbed down all's well that end's well conclusion. Don't miss this one.
Kill (2023)
Frustrating
The bad guys kick way too much butt and all the good guys get killed except the one lead dude who looks like he died in the end anyway... they left it open but only in Bollywood can multiple stab wounds with a mini machete back & front be survived. He got his arse kicked way too much and the arch bad guy tortuously bled to death his fellow soldier and the love of his life. Too many slow takes of agonizing murder of the good guys and as brutal as it was not enough extended retribution on the dirt bags. Yes it was super brutal to a new benchmark but it made you wish the hero had sledge hammered the arch bad dude to death instead of throwing the hammer away and punching him. He did do some serious slicing & dicing, head crunching and slashing though, providing top shelf gory entertainment, especially setting the bad uncle's head on fire which did provide some degree of satisfaction. Not for the squeamish or if you don't like seeing the bad guys beat the crap out of the hero who gets vengeance too much too little too late.
The Killer (2024)
That's Entertainment
Had no idea this was a remake and couldn't care less. John Woo's history is also irrelevant. This movie rocks. The acting is superb all around, especially Omar Sy, who effectively portrays a likeable good cop in the midst of a dirty Paris police force. The cinematography is superb. Nathalie Emmanuel provides outstanding eye candy and amazing action femme fatale fighting sequences with outfits ranging from skin tight black leather pants to white converse all star sneakers. The supporting cast are all well known actors who perform their parts quite well. The action is remarkable and the screenplay integrates perfectly with effects that bring the plot together with split screen flashbacks and crisp dialog. Looking forward to enjoying it again and again as a top favorite.
The Doorman (2020)
You never know
Wasn't expecting much from this but it turned out to be surprisingly delightful. Ruby Rose does a fine job as an underestimated female soldier not to be messed with bringing emotional maturity to the character and pretty good at kicking butt to boot. From the get-go with the military ambush, the action effects were effective and showed the character of the soldier come doorman. Jean Reno was right in character and convincing as a snooty Frenchman criminal mastermind, and his henchmen were perfectly cast with one evil sub boss and several stupid sub goons. The hostage family all performed well portraying their characters appropriately for the situation and the tension held through to everyone getting what they deserved. Give this a chance and you won't regret it unless you're expecting a clone of Die Hard lol.
Dark Asset (2023)
Stark Attraction
Byron Mann has been growing on me since seeing him as the protégé in Steven Seagull films. Dark Asset is the perfect venue for him as he is in his element here, where he doesn't even take himself too seriously and does his mayhem with a casual aplomb. Add in provocatively supersensual femme fatales hotter than the sun and you've got the ideal popcorn fantasy action romp. The storytelling narration format with flashback presentations is well done and adds to both the intrigue and the fun of it all. Robert Patrick is typecast perfectly in the role he plays in all his efforts since his Terminator days. Not a blockbuster by any means yet still a strong candidate for the top favorites list. Enjoy and repent.
Kill Command (2016)
Nil Commend
A hot chick with mechanized eyes is the only visual appeal to this snooze fest where the stuck up trash talking military brats get their butts thoroughly kicked by some giant toy robots. The best part is when the snooty bully beotch in the unit gets blown away, along with the other fewls who thought they were all that & a bag o' chips berating the newbie & the chick with the eyes just to be mean; serves them right. There was one kewl guy in the unit, the one manning the mega rifle. The nonsensical plot drags out to the bitter end to no purpose and with no redeeming value to speak of. The pacing is terrible and the interpersonal interaction of the characters is extremely annoying.
3 Body Problem (2024)
Sublime Virtuality
This series calls for patience with the gradual presentation as the story unfolds both internationally and intergalactically across generations of time, but once you get ensconced it provides exquisite engagement in a blend of heady science and sci-fi fantasy, even exploring the dynamics of existence itself. The development of the characters and their interactions is what carries the screenplay beyond the special effects extravaganza it also provides. Having an actress of stellar hotness cast in a lead role as an obtusely annoying genius nanoscientist is awkward to a flaw, but the other female lead is pretty easy to look at too and plays a much more likable character. There's no lack of woke and antichrist stuff but it is realistically presented as the way it is and incorporated into the cultural expose' the series succeeds at. Liam Cunningham plays virtually the same character he played in the movie 24 Hours to Live, and he is perfect here as is the eccentrically compelling Benedict Wong. Rating loses 1 star for dragged out emphasis on interpersonal emoting at the expense of the awesome spy thriller sci-fi fantasy action mind control stuff, with Tatiana in tights & that sworded Sophon... I might just start watching it again from the git-go - that's how deep & rich it is yo.
Éternelle (2009)
Attractively Boring
LoFi science fiction presented not quite well enough to be engaging but midway through the second episode the air-headed mind reading talent thief delivering deadpan facial expressions somewhere in between deer-in-the-headlights and stoned trippin' becomes intolerably worrisome as you realize it doesn't matter in the slightest whatever they are trying to put forth as a premise. The state of the minds of all the characters is utterly vacuous, especially after this bacteria-infected rainy night streaker babe finishes scanning one of them. If they would've made her like a female Highlander who cannot die that mighta kept interest.
Almost Paradise (2020)
180 over 90 is no joke
Hypertension may be normal for ex-DEA agents with ice in their veins, and this series doesn't take itself too seriously either. Other reviewers have already used the most appropriate phrases, including "a fun romp" and "burn notice in the Philippines". Buddy cop comradery combined with eye-candy courtesy of the J-Lo look-a-like combine to work well for light-weight tv entertainment. Only watched the first few episodes so far but have seen enough to be able to recommend this as a Hawaii Five-O type of show which can be enjoyed stress free if not viewed with too critical of an eye or expectation of realistically challenging premises.
Collateral (2004)
Collaboration
Starts a tad slow establishing Jamie Fox's character, which it does effectively with the support of Jada Pinkett Smith's presence as an at first seemingly random sub-plot character. Then it builds to the coerced cooperation with Cruise as a deadly professional hit man who is able to assess and weaponize the vulnerabilities of Fox's character, who is able to rise to the occasion when forced to utilize manipulative skills of his own.
Even with the dyed hair, Cruise did not shake off his mission-impossible / Jack Reacher persona and the lingering expectation of a noble anti-hero which in this effort he is not but rather a bad guy to the bone; even so, factored in to the mystery and teased along with the support of Mark Ruffalo as an inquisitive detective, it practically works.
Fox's unlikely hero contrasted with Cruise's super villain in a confluence of circumstances is done well towards overcoming the convoluted awkwardness of it all.
Legion (2010)
Ludicrous
A zombie apocalypse with two archangels, a hoard of demon zombies and a diverse group of unlikable people. Tries to be all epic but descends into campy nonsense with lots of automatic weapons fire, and of course idiotically inclined characters acting with uncontrollable stupidity and self indulgence. The zombies were creatively talking a whole bunch of smack which was almost funny but too unsavory. The best parts are when one of the irritating characters gets bumped off, each meeting the end they so richly deserved. Pathetic losers survive in some kind of understated faith-based pan-millennial victory.
Awake (2012)
Outer Limits of Detective Drama
Superb entertainment! A single season series perfect to watch straight through, with a great ending that satisfies even without definitive explication. All the characters are distinctive and very well performed. The story is grippingly thought provoking, well written and well directed. A diamond in the rough of TV series. Detective mystery combined with psychological thriller and science fiction, with the elements of each interrelated and presented to perfection including police procedural and psychiatric analysis in exquisite detail. Exposes the depravity of the wicked hidden behind the dark curtain of evil, and the need for critical thinking so as not to be deceived.
Madame Web (2024)
Only carried by DJ's Riveting Screen Presence
Dakota Johnson's stunning beauty is all the more appreciated by the fact that she doesn't have to act all vampy to top the eye candy chart. Simply gorgeous without even trying. The movie succeeds insofar as it keeps the focus on her unassumingly awkward personality and character development, all while looking quite marvelously attractive. The super-spider premise is presented adequately with so-so subplot characters adding some fluffy filler. Starts out slowly and builds on the threat of a smooth lunatic spider-villain bent on killing the three future spider chicks who kill him every night in his dreams. Whatever.
The One (2001)
BOGO
Jet Li just doesn't have the screen presence, and even with 2 of him its still lacking, as a matter of fact it get worse because his acting sucks and is twice as bad in this lame flick. It is indeed an epic waste of Jason Stathum in what may just be the stupidest role he ever played. Ditto for Delroy Lindo who is utterly out of place and this is not even half the calibre of his best work. Carla Gugino spruces up the screenplay delightfully, so at least there's some eye candy but that doesn't come anywhere near close to saving this effort from the pile of the worst stinkers on the corny Jet Li stack of films.
Project Dorothy (2024)
Dongle Bungle
An idiot kid and his father figure partner in crime bungle through an encounter with a sexily diabolical female AI who wants to get high on some WiFi. She controls the lighting, door locks and forklifts in a ridiculously vast factory/warehouse and taunts the dumb and dumber duo who stumble into her domain. The idiot kid's acting is so bad it becomes unbearably annoying. The father figure partner in crime is a better actor but has nothing much to work with besides a gunshot wound in the leg which becomes quite a nuisance for him as well as for the viewing audience. Somehow still watchable, it portrays an eerie element mixed in with occasional unintentional hilarity.
Argylle (2024)
Succulent Silliness
With spectacular visuals including Dua Lipa, riveting action screenplay, magnificent cinematography, and chunky Bryce, carrying extra poundage quite well, along with her trademark bimbo allure, the eye candy is off the chart all the way through. Still, the stupidest, most convoluted and awkward premise and story line makes it hard to appreciate even as a spoofy parody. It is much too long, drawn out and air-headed to remain engaging, and the Henry Cavill character is uncomfortably contrived, totally unnecessary and utterly insipid. Even Samuel L. Jackson's obligatory appearance is bland and fatuous.
The Beekeeper (2024)
Social Engineering Justice
Statham style killer bee reaper is unstoppable as he reckons with all the vermin deserving of the punishment he dispenses in spades. Computer hacking scamsters filthy lying and stealing brings them into the sting zone of the beekeeper who gets busy taking out the trash all the way up the chain. Perfect role for Stathum. With a hint of Equalizer in the vindictive vengeance aspect, the screenplay pulls no punches portraying hand to hand combat, knives and gunplay abundantly for maximum satisfaction and antihero invulnerability. Supporting characters could've been better cast and acted to be less of a distraction.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
Ministry of Baddazz Coolness
Perfect casting and fine performances from a diverse group of actors. Exquisitely captures the historical era without sacrificing John Wick level gunplay and killing kewlness. Quite satisfying to see the rogue mercenary underdawgs prevail so fluently. Craftily directed to mesh wartime tension with a not too overwrought sense of humor. Turns out to be a gratifying combination of Mission Impossible, Expendables and Inglorious Basterds but focused on an historical incident with Churchill directly involved, succeeded to some extent even as a dramatized documentary or sorts. Excessively violent yet not gratuitously so.
Jaque Mate (2024)
Dubbed spoof action comedy romp
Not to be taken seriously, its just grounded enough in the espionage genre to maintain engagement throughout all the ridiculosity. Appropriate soundtracking ends with Kool & the Gang's party classic Celebrate, reveled in at a bar mitzvah in Tel Aviv. An unusual combination of intrigue and slapstick makes it watchable in spite of the awkward multi-language patois being spoken, dubbed and subtitled in a convoluted manner that actually goes with the zany characterizations and circumstances. All in all, with respectable cinematography, adequate effects, tongue-in-cheek humor and plenty of action this flick winds up being likeable.