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jm-vincent
Reviews
The Lost End (2020)
I Watched So You Don't Have To...
Whenever I see a 10-star rating as the first, and espcecially ONLY review, I am immediately suspicious - and in this case, wisely and correctly so. The actng makwes high school drama efforts look like boradway. The script...if there was one...boring...Rahter than waste the reader's time with listing allof the attrocities of this flick (actually there are few: writing, acting, direction) let me suggest better uses of your time: read a good book, go on a date, take a walk, cal a friend you haven't talked to in a while and catch up, do some volunteer work for a chrity or sicail organization, take your dog for a wlak or brush your cat or talk to your parrot or if you're in the mood for a movie - find a GOOD one, now that you know of one to avoid.
Obstacle Corpse (2022)
Comedy? No. Horrible? Yes!
Ironically, the security code required for me to sign in offered, in part the lettering "omg" which is what I thought watching this flick (not to be confused with a movie which offers intelligent acting, a worthwhile story and characters we can care about. This..."thing"...lacks all of these. The acting is worse than most high school plays (which, at their worst, express the infectious enthusiasm of the cast). The humor is of the lowest brow, and the contempt it shows for the characters leaves one unable to appreciate their casual fates; they are no more than "things" to be slaughtered in the interest of this shallow, pathetic attempt at entertainment. This is the intellectual equivalent of chewing gum (not even bubble gum, with that you can blow bubbles - which are infinitely more entertaining than this "offering.") If you enjoy spinning around like a 5-year old until you get dizzy, or hammering your head with a 2 by 4 because it feels so good when you stop, you may want to watch a few minutes of this to see how not to write or act, or to know what those two activities are by seeing how they're not done here, but otherwise avoid this like you would a forest fire. I pray those involved never attempt anything on film again. If I knew how to contact those involved, I would create a "Go Fund Me" to pay them not to. You've been warned.
Save Me from Everything (2021)
Surely You Have Something (ANYTHING) Better to do with Your Time
I like horror movies...GOOD horror movies...more than any other genre of film, and this flick is an insult to the genre. For a little more than an hour our heroine wanders around sometimes with and sometimes without our... hero...(?) before ANYTHING of interest happens. Alright, there is a moment of shock at one point in the first hour, but it is momentary and never expanded on. I give the flick (not to be confused with a movie) 1 star for the lovely setting of Ireland (both rural - briefly - and urban). If you're looking for a horror movie with scares of any kind, characters that won't get on your nerves with incessant and boring dialogue this is NOT the choice you want to make. If you MUST watch it (being a masochist, having no access to any other form of entertainment... whatever the reason) do yourself a favor and skip to the last 15 minutes when something of worth ALMOST happens...but doesn't.
Demons at Dawn (2022)
Review Courtesy of Joel Fisher to Off-Set all of the Fake Reviews...
Mickey Santini (Ben Silver) is a hitman on the verge of retirement. However, after a meeting with Carlos Rudinski (John Altman), he's pulled in for one last job. Unfortunately, the job doesn't seem to be up for negotiation either, because he's the only person who can do it and if he can't then his life is on the line.
All he has to do is to go to a house in the countryside and finish off the unfortunate business that has happened there. Although when Mickey gets there, he meets Charlotte (Amber Doig-Thorne) and realises that he's not been told the whole truth. In fact, what's really been happening is that there is a demonic making human sacrifices in the woods and if he's not careful, Mickey could be their next victim.
Demons at Dawn is a British crime thriller turned supernatural horror story directed by Randy Kent and written by Chris Sanders. Clearly taking inspiration from British crime thrillers, Demons at Dawn sets up its premise which is quite original for the horror genre, but it doesn't seem to able to let it go.
This means that most of the movie could be seen as a gangster movie without anything particularly scary happening.
In fact, it goes on for so long that those who are led to believe that they are going to watch a horror movie may be bored by the time anything supernatural occurs. Also, those fans of horror may be equally disappointed if they stuck it out, only to be met with a visual effects budget of an average episode of forgotten 70's children's show, Rentaghost.
O Animal Cordial (2017)
Avoid like You Would a Plague or Massive Unpayable Debt
This flick (not to be confused with "film") reminds me of Monty Python's sketch about Hitchcock's "Rear Window." The latter runs 1 hour and 12 minutes as the "hero" - confined to a wheelchair - investigates (via his friends and girlfriend) what he thinks is a murder he saw. In the Python sketch the "hero" see the murder and calls the police; the "film" ends in about 1 minute. Here the robbery that sets off the bulk of the film occurs 17 minutes in. In the nonsense that follows - which could have been avoided by a simple phone call to the police, we are treated to class warfare, revenge killings, gratuitous sex and general stupid behavior. Even allowing for hot-blooded emotional people the actions they take are absurd. For example, how any man who is severely wounded (much less dying) can engage in sex (even with his partner doing most of the work) stretches disbelief to the breaking point. This travesty is little more than a soap-opera played out by morons with guns and their victims. In fairness, I give it one star for the lead actress having a nice body and being willing to show it. AVOID.
One Hour to Die (2011)
Don't...Simply Put, Don't
A bunch of people, as we know from the synopsis are poisoned and mull about waiting to die...and do so. Oscar Wilde received complaints from critics that in the first act of his play Lady Windermere's Fan "nothing happened." In response in his next play (A Woman of No Importance") he made sure that absolutely nothing happened at all: the players simply sit around talking the usual witty Wilde dialogue. However, because Wilde was a literary genius, the play is both worthwhile reading and watching, while this has only - as one reviewer pointed out - Jessica Messenger's "boobs" to recommend it. Surely you have something better to do... I have the television on when I'm writing because the distraction helps me concentrate; in this case I looked up occasionally then when the flick was over, fast forwarded through it (Thanks Tubi TV) to help those of you who may be fans of such limited entertainment as seeing Ms. Messenger display her limited assets, said visuals may be found at approximately the following minute marks: 2; 47; 67; 75.
Reportage November (2022)
Swedish Snoozefest
I got tired of watching terrible (the strongest non-obscene word I can think of) American horror flicks (not to be confused with "films" which suggest art or at least entertainment) and decided to try a Swedish horror flick. Surely - I naively thought - the Swedes must be able to get it right.(in retrospect I have no idea what prompted me to think that...other than the excellence of Bergan). The first hour of this flick is a snoozefest; NOTHING of any interest happens. (Normally I would read a book and look up when someone screams, there's an explosion, or some sound of interest, but I couldn't since this is subtitled, not dubbed). After the first hour things picked up...a little, but not nearly enough to be interesting, engaging, or in anyway worthy of attention. 2 stars for not being American tripe. AVOID if you're looking for entertainment.
The Borderlands (2013)
A British Snooze Fest
I'm a sucker for any British horror and this was no exception...that I'm a sucker for watching it. Nothing of any consequence happens f or the majority of this flick, except the two protagonists getting on each others (and my) nerves. And the ending is inexplicable...at least I can't logically explain how it followed form previous events. Any explanation would be that the flick needed some aspect of fear and tension and this was the only thing the writer/director could think of. I find it very telling that this is the only extended flick script that that person has written, and that this is the only full-length piece the writer/director has produced. Others have praised it this snooze fest excessively, but I can only say that whatever they saw wasn't what I was watching. AVOID.
The Human Virus (2014)
Everyone Has Different Tastes, However...
There is (at this time) one glowing review for this flick giving it a perfect score. As much as I appreciate the fact that people have different tastes, I find it hard to believe that they are not friends of the cast or crew, or participants in the flick's making. As much as I appreciate the effort of independent film makers, I often find it hard to appreciate the results, and this is one such case. (I gave it a 2 for effort and relative competence). The flick is watchable...if you have nothing else to do and no other form of entertainment (book, taking a walk, calling a friend, even playing a video game) but short of that desperation, there's very little reason to watch it. Acting is passible, as is direction and to some extent plot, but there's very little to hold anyone's attention. I don't want to be too harsh, because it's not the worst I've seen, simply nothing worth most people's time....
Curse of Jack Frost (2022)
A Lump of Coal is the Only Present for This...
I'm in such shock...perhaps "numb" is the fitting word to apply...that I don't know where to begin. This would be laughably bad if it weren't for the incredible disappointment that this flick brought. The character of Jack Frost consists principally of a rubber Halloween mask (the mouth of which does not move when he speaks...although the mask itself is impressive) and 2 "frosty" hands (gloves that are unwieldy and inflexible at best). The acting and direction is I suppose passible, but the script and action (and lack thereof) is so bad that if the acting was terrible one wouldn't notice. If you're looking for entertainment, real entertainment that engages you and makes you glad to be a participant in the experience of watching a movie, this IS NOT what you want. Please, find something else to do.
Mister White (2013)
Put a "Mr. Yuck" Sticker on this as a Warning
I root for amateur film makers; where else would we have the brilliance of "Clerks"? Sadly this is an example of when not to root for an amateur flick maker, and in deed, to discourage them before they film again. The acting - as bad as 70s porn (but without the compensation of nudity and sex). The story - slow, dull and trite. The direction - the standard "Stick the video camera in the actor's or actress's face for a close-up whenever possible for dramatic affect.. This work is almost unwatchable. Noting the director's extensive technical experience in working on movies, I would think she would have learned something about writing and directing, but none of that is evidenced here. Yes, this review is harsh, and I regret that, but not unduly harsh if I can warn would-be viewers away from this robbery of time.
Roulette (2012)
Let's Be Honest; Dumpster Fires are More Entertaining
What's wrong with this flick? Acting; writing; direction; everything you see and hear. What's right with this flick? After what feels like an eternity of pain for the viewer, it finally ends. What's wrong with the reviews? As I noted in my own previous reviews, there is a clustering of rave reviews which always means a pity party held by those involved in the travesty; in this case, the month of around November. Gang, if you're going to lie (or give into your delusions) then at least spread the wealth out over several months (and to some extent the guilty parties did this) to dampen suspicion. The bottom like: Listen to the negative reviews; you surely have something (ANYTHING) better to do with your precocious time. Maybe watch a dumpster fire if you can find one....
Mold! (2012)
Please, No More from Those Responsible for This...
Bad writing, bad acting, bad direction...the only good thing about this flick is that it wasn't longer. This horror of a horror flick made me not only pray, but to use every New Age mind trick imaginable to influence those who responsible to never be involved in any form of entertainment (especially movies) of any kind.
Shark Bait (2022)
Follows the B-Mover Formula Like a Roadmap
Anyone with any experience of cheap, popular movie entertainment can predict the movements of this like a chess-master watching a well-played game. There are 5 stock character: the wimpy guy, the black guy, the muscular white dude, the blonde girl and the brunette girl. All victims get eaten in appropriate order (wimp, black guy, blonde girl and hero - who as we can guess - sacrifices himself in the nick of time to let the brunette escape). . The minute I saw the cast I knew the basics of the plot. Still, it isn't the worst shark flick you'll ever see. If you like shark flicks, or beautiful views of the ocean (and who doesn't like the latter), put your mind on hold for a bit and give it a try...but don't expect not to get bored between munchings.
Banshee Blacktop, an Irish Ghost Story (2016)
You'll Love It ,,,or You Won't
I didn't. I found the constant badgering of the character Seamus Monkton to be annoying beyond belief. (Apparently the right to have an attorney present during questioning doesn't exist in the Irish judicial system). The bulk of the flick is divided between interrogation of the old fella and a couple running though the landscape. If you're seeking entertainment, turn the sound off, skip through the interrogation scenes, and focus on the wonders of the Irish landscape. The muted colors and windswept fields and bogs are lovely to behold.
Woodfalls (2014)
Wretched Attempt at Entertainment
I'm a sucker for any film with British actors and actresses, hence the 1 star, other wise I would have given it a 0. Beyond that, unlikable characters, poor script, poor direction...poor everything. It is simply not possible for you - even if you are in prison and somehow happen to have access to a television on which this is playing - for you not to have something better to do withy your time than to watch this. Meditation perhaps? Napping? Hopefully you're free to go as you please, so please run from this. All I can reasonably say in summary is "At least an (apparent) effort was made...however wretched the result."
The Kingsbury Run (2018)
Not Watchable; Eminently Forgettable
Poor acting/overacting, poor direction, poor writing...poor everything. The title suggests a British film, and such accents would've caused me to add an additional star (I'm a sucker for British accents) but without them there are virtually no redeeming features to this flick other tan the fact that it wasn't longer. If you're looking for a decent mystery, look elsewhere. In fact, if you're looking for entertainment of any kind look elsewhere. Surely you can find something better than this.
Eight for Silver (2021)
A Polarizing Entry in the Horror Genre...
You either love this flick or you don't. Although I had high hopes, I didn't. The monsters look ridioculoius, the female nudity is distracting and unnecessary, and, at almost 2 hours, the thing simply drags on too long. Cut at least 20 minutes, skip the flesh, and get a decent monster and you'd have something close to worth watching.
Debug (2014)
Swing and a Miss
Passable acting; decent sets for a low-budget; mediocre story...and a wowser of a character-building device. As it turns out, one of the crew members has an intense fear of rats (one way to indicate some differentiation otehr than by sex). However, even given that a rat may somehow be onboard this spaceship, one of the female crew members (again, buidling charactrer and diffferentiating her from the phobic male) comes to the rat's defense and treats it like a pet. This defies basic loginc on two fronts. First, given the limited supplies on and interstellar craft, where would the rat find enough food to sustain itself? Next., anyone who has ever dealt with rats knows how destructive they can be: rats will chew through wiring and knaw on almost anything else that's chewwable simply for practice. A rat would've caused major damage to the electrical system of the craft in short order. Even if you're a fan of syfy, look elsewhere for entertainment.
The Grave Caller (2017)
Not Cringingly Bad...But Not Worth Watching
Headline is an apt summary. Acting is passible (barely) story is boring. If you have nothing else to do and no other form of entertainment (being in a prison with no books to read being a good example) then you may want to take a look...but I do no trecommend it to any other than family and ferinds of those involved, and even then, only out of misplaced loyalty.
Three Holes, Two Brads, and a Smoking Gun (2014)
Okay Drama Marred by Fake Reviews that Pump Up the Score
Decent acting and direction; talky with little action. Watch it if you have nothing better to do. I've given it a low score because it was nothing special, but also for the perfects (fake) reviews. This would NOT be a "10" in the eyes of anyone who was not involved in the making of the flick. To artificially pity-party into into a masterpiece is simply wrong. Shame on you.
An Intrusion (2021)
Let's Balance Out the Fake Reviews with Another Honest One
Anyone rating this flick more than a "3" (and that's being very, very generous) was either part of the pity-party to pump up the score or involved directly in the film or watching something else and became confused regarding the title. Bad writing, bad directing, bad acting. The best thing I can say about tit is that it was not as long as it could've been. Please do not waste your time.
Werewolves Within (2021)
You Either Get It or You Don't...
...I got it, and I almost NEVER like horror-comedy. The cast did a great job of acting, the direction (staging, blocking, edit cuts) was well done, the humor was both character-based and funny. Above all this is CHARACTER-BASED; if you like people (although that can be difficult at times, like them on the whole) you'll appreciate the eccentricities and understand how they play into and further the plot. For example, the small asides between the gay couple or the transformation of the classic "loner." I would always be suspicious of anything rated a "10" and anyone rating an offering a "10", but if you look at my roster of reviews, I take great care in shooting down fake 10's. Not the qualifier at the heading: If you get it, you'll love it. If you don't get it (and DO NOT expect a standard werewolf flick) you'll dislike it intensely.
The Mad Hatter (2020)
Utterly Wothless
Given the premise we should expect some interesting, creative use of the idea; think of all the origin in Alice in Wonderland, or Batman comic books that riffed off the character of the Mad Hatter (Jervis Tetch). The acting is passible (although the characters are warmed-over tropes). The direction is serviceable (although nothing to brag about). The story is all but worthless (and confusing...or perhaps better described as boring...or both. In an effort to be a "horror" movie some zombies are thrown in near the end, for about - not kidding - 10 seconds for no more purpose than to motivate a chase scene which leads to nothing...). In short, AVOID this flick (not to be confused with a "movie") if you value your time and/or are looking for entertainment. If I could give it a "0" I would.
The Wolf of Snow Hollow (2020)
Bad Outweighs the Good
The Good: The presentation of the monster is excellent. The Supporting cast; especially nice to see Robert Forster (although wasted) in one of his last efforts). The bad: Jim Cummings. Jim Cumming's character. Jim Cumming's writing and direction. If you can fast-forward past every scene Cummings is in, you might get some entertainment value from this. I wanted to give it a higher rating, but every time I start to bump the score up to a 2 I hear Mr. Cummings yelling like a 2 year-old having a tempter tantrum.