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fromTull
Reviews
Ancient Aliens (2009)
A great "what if" show
I see many people negatively reviewing and I can't help but wonder: "Who ever stated this show is 100% fact?". I've watched many episodes, and from what I can see, every theory is proceeded by a "What if. . ." Or "Is it possible?" I can't say that they ever stated this should be teaching material, but these reviewers sure think it's supposed to be.
It's all conjecture. I don't agree with much, but when I watch it my mind is actually turning about history's unanswered questions.
Also, if you're the type who thinks this is trying to replace the textbook, mute it. The filming ALONE makes it well worth a watch for ANY viewer. They don't just set up a camera in King Tuts tomb, they also walk around the Valley. Unlocking closed places (Akhenaten's alleged tomb and the closed Osiris Shaft at the Sphinx come to mind). The shots inside the pyramids are mind blowing. They've got more access and a better shooting style than so called "history shows". From Baalbek to Nan Madol. They also reference items I've never came across. Diagrams of Solomons Temple. Lost symbols. And it goes so many places it makes other shows on history OR mythology look like slackers. Very immersive and detailed direction. Visits places all over the world and is dynamically filmed. 10times closer and clearer than any other program (even academically approved ones).
I didn't come here to get a history education. I stumbled over this show and can't stop watching because it puts you in the footsteps of historical figures. Any show that features the hosts having a casual conversation in the tomb as they stand over King Tuts mummy can't be all bad. Take what you like and leave the rest behind. If you're looking for teaching material move on.
The Stand (2020)
Read before you watch! Then you'll get it.
There's a lot wrong here. Miscasting, burning the candle (or story) at both ends, where I assume we'll meet in some sticky middle ground with the characters well briefed even if the viewers are robbed of the momentum that would have built from the novels original structure. It's a journey. A horrific line to walk and SK planned it perfectly. There's a reason Dorothy and Toto didn't have cabs on the Yellow Brick Road. Some of us WANT to see the flying monkeys. FOR INSTANCE:
I miss Larry's escape from NY by way of a corpse infested tunnel.
I miss the sheriff who saved Nick and allowed him to become jail warden as he grew too ill for the job. And the gentle insight given as Nick took care of and fed his assailants through the bars of their prison cells, and comforted his torturers as they died.
I miss Nadines hallmark red hair. It screamed for hundreds of pages. Until it didn't.
Hemingford Home was in Nebraska, but-snip snip! Colorado it is.
We were in the CDC for many days. Many days. Begging for info on many neighbors. Those names aren't here, and the neighborhood didn't burn away with fever in this version. THAT community of Stu's didn't ever exist in this show.
. . .And the MISCASTING X 10 (take your pick).
So much atmosphere from the novel excised, the leftover scenes flicker by so swiftly you realize they bit off more than they could chew in the hours allotted. Stuff it as much as you want, and maybe the characters will finally develop by the time the final battle rolls around. But. . . Judging by the time jumps, THESE characters are static compared to their novel counterparts. I can't even tell they've been on a journey. Oh that's right.
There's safety in numbers and the series grouped everyone together hyper fast. Going the path solo in the black night was where I felt my palms sweat. Not in a sunlit room with 20 friends. That part DOES COME, but later. I only wish it didn't cost us each characters solo journey to that bright room. Nighttime in a dead world where you're alone and clueless makes for a terrifying journey. But our guys found an "alternate route" it seems (I say this as more and more is added weekly, but it's nothing compared to the lacking atmosphere).
The book was a death march. We chose our paths and the stakes climbed with the days, while the nights were filled with horrifying and strange noises. An anxiety attack on a roller coaster with a courtesy espresso before the ride hit its stride.
This series, however, is a drowsy stroll. Like waking from a car nap, you orientate yourself and see how far you've come, and then decide if you should care about where you're at or just black out again. Many separate and small altercations aren't nearly as intimidating as a dreadful marathon filled with a variety of unpredictable dangers. All tension evaporates each time the show flashes forward (or backwards). The tension bottoms out because we are provided relief at the worst time. Horror fans being given thoughtful intermissions (for the delicate viewer out there). It feels like that anyway. And it also renders this risky journey moot. When you see our guys at The Free Zone you don't fear for them in the flashbacks. You KNOW they made it safe and sound. Leaving The Past neutered and without teeth.
If you skip the book even though you enjoyed the series you are doing yourself a disservice. If you read "The Stand" and "'Salem's Lot", you'll either be addicted, or once again showing your face at church on Sundays.
AND FOR NON READERS of the book who feel they have the right to call long time fans whiny and our viewpoints invalid, you should just keep those opinions to yourselves.
If a man could watch just ONE film during his life: "Battlefied Earth", or "Alien", but chose "Battlefied Earth". That's the predicament I see in these reviews.
OF COURSE these "non-book" folks think the series is great.
They have NO idea of what they're missing.
El Camino (2019)
If it ain't broke . . . don't break it.
Really wanted to like it, I really did. I loved "BB", so I figured it was a foregone conclusion. It wasn't. The characters look so differently it's jarring. Especially the young Neo Nazi who has Jesse. Jesse looks 15 years older, hairline and weight also very different from the boyish Jesse we knew. There's new material to take you from one scene to the next, but I didn't really have the urge to see what's in that next scene. I felt compelled to finish it because of the series, but it was much ado about nothing. In one word: "Underwhelming". "Unnecessary" in another one. It felt like an unexciting side story that wouldn't take up five minutes in the original series, except padded and stretched laboriously. Bryan Cranston's scenes felt obligatory and simple. Like he was on loan for a day and they had to squeeze a lot in. It didn't help that when we see Walter White, he's standing beside someone drastically aged and heavier that he didn't share the screen with in the series-- and that person is the NEW (older) Jesse. To its credit, the cinematography and exterior shots are beautiful. Still, If it's ain't broke . . .
don't break it.
Knives Out (2019)
It's finally over
This film went above and beyond. It sucked for 2 hrs and 10 minutes. A whodunnit where the viewer is hardly involved, just presented sterotypes of outlandish people (get ready for SJW speak and the naïveté that comes with the extreme left). Everyone's repulsive, except for the Colombian maid whose purity rivals that of the baby Jesus. Like I said, you just watch the narrative unspool, but it's no fun because you're not given enough character development for the viewer to turn into a participant. Screenwriting seems to be a lost art form, more and more. The last 15-20 mins of the movie is nothing short of the detective telling the viewer and other cast members who did what to whom. It's essentially what should have been the pitch for the studio, but instead of turning it into a film, they just let Daniel Craig explain it all in one breathless and BORING "finale". The Neverending Boring. Like I said, it sucked for 2 hrs and 10 minutes. You'd expect a better climax.
Man on Wire (2008)
Obsessed and loving it
This is one of those humans who seem godlike, braver than any human should be when led by obsession into such an incredible scenario.
A tight rope performer (more like dancer), dreams of walking back and forth between the two towers of the World Trade Center on his wire. He actually does this. The police have to make him stop because he wants to keep walking back and fourth, in possession of his obsession, grinning the whole time.
I can imagine Everest. Not this.
Outdoes any movie star or head of state in my book, because this is honestly an incredible achievement.
Great documentary with some cool vintage film of the Towers.
I Am Not a Serial Killer (2016)
Onyx in a bag full of quartz. Original gem.
Sometimes I feel like I've gone through all of the good movies (especially so with horror), and I find myself taking chances on anything out of desperation. 95 out of 100 of these dvds deserve to be burned instead of mailed back, just out of public concern. This isn't one of those. What a good film! Feels like old school horror. Not so heavily CGI'd that it feels like a Windows screensaver. It uses effects sparingly and carefully, relying on tension and pace to whip up the dread. Also nice seeing something that's not formulaic, for once I couldn't predict the story. The cinematography is a pleasant mix of throwback and contemporary. The town used as the setting and the way the camera explores and films it is incredible, and makes this a fully realized and believable environment.
The cast couldn't be improved upon. Max Records is great in this film. A gifted young actor, you feel like you're discovering secrets and murders alongside him. We are interested. We are dialed in. He is believable, playing someone who's supposedly incapable of empathy, going from a detached investigator to fully invested and concerned had to be a tightrope and he walks it well.
Now onto Christopher Lloyd. If I had known he was in this movie, I would have skipped it. Not because he's a bad actor, but because I was under the misassumption that he was more or less a one trick pony. Wrong! So glad I was clueless. I feel like every role since Back to the Future has been some variation on Doc, and assumed that was his comfort zone. Now I see he's been limited or typecast one, because he's scary in this. Actually menacing. If you had told me that was possible I wouldn't have believed it.
He rocks. Max rocks. This movie rocks. Sometimes terror is the best therapist.
Get Out (2017)
Paper thin characters saying heavy things
Interesting premise, but it's too skeletal. The hype was SO massive that halfway thru I realized this wasn't NEARLY as impressive or layered as I was led to believe. Which was a shame.
"People who have nothing to say, say it loudly."
Peele had an idea to impart, too bad he didn't bother to develop the characters enough for me to treat the message seriously. I guess the motivation for everything is . . . racism? The older couple fell in love over their shared love of. . . racism? The thot daughter spends her life trapping African American guys because she's eager to be. . .racist? And how presumptive to think every obese white girl wants to bid on her own black man to imprison (the heart buys what the heart buys). Offensive! I DID get chills from the housekeeper though. That actress (Betty Gabriel) did this thing where she wept in silent misery as she delivered affirmative lines and it was awesome to see that contradictory performance. But. . . I still don't know where the running man got to. Catherine Keener's character was a paper doll sprung to life just yesterday, but she had fun with it.
The pseudo science of the ancestor was a crutch. And the "sunken place" is a variation on a device we've seen used several times in several films. Cartoons have more backstory. Besides that, it's shockingly racist, which I guess is ok as long as it's racism against white people. Amirite?
4 star movie. 10 stars for Betty Gabriel
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
I choose the evil Terminator. All day.
Stop me if you've heard this one. There's three women in a truck. A half organic les'bun. A gun lovin' granny. And a Mex'can. . .we've got ALMOST everyone packed in here. Besides an interesting and relatable character.
Yeah, THATS how weird it is when an old white dude tries to be the voice and savior for groups who have their own voices and didn't ask him to be theirs.
Yeah, it's a James Cameron pic, so it's very "extra", and attempts to accommodate everyone (everyone). Almost everyone (excluding white guys and the Cherokee nation).
Action is good, film looks great, but anyone who gives this film more than 3 stars (and that's generous) is either out of touch or out of their minds. It was a chore, to be honest. The hype from part 2 is silly because now it seems John Connor was of no importance, EVER. New timeline, new rules. We just had a new Terminator movie five minutes ago and with this addition to the franchise the story is so fragmented its laughable. The cringey call back lines didn't help. Mackenzie Davis as the heroine (putting on that fake husky voice) is horrible. I know people will hate me for this, but with these all female casts, I don't feel that adrenaline rush because I can't invest in it. I'm not afraid of them and I don't fear for them. I know they're safe from harm and I know they're good people which makes them boring. This isn't a choice, it just feels like the stakes are higher with guys (maybe because of their violence and they're morally questionable?) The evil terminator in this one does a great job and the film gains tension whenever he's on the screen. The rest of the time it's just thinly veiled SJW speak (get ready for social commentary on immigration, male and female dynamics and metoo moments). Along with laughable situations (granny get your rocket launcher). Every post-menopausal woman I know is at risk for Osteoporosis and broken bones, not out breaking Terminators, but I guess this IS FANTASY. Another problem, I love a diversified cast, but it's having the opposite effect of what was intended by becoming a distraction instead of unifying. Ensembles in films today don't feel organic, they feel PLANNED instead. Like the producers have to tick off every box and thus, it's too perfect to be a reflection of reality. Ghostbusters? meh. Batwoman? Nah. Charlie's Angels? HA! Charmed? Meh. Now Marvel has a transgender character coming out, and Buffy is being rebooted as African American. Taken separately I love these ideas, but as one onslaught it just feels like 'Attack of the Tryhards'. Movie Gods please make this stop.
Cats (2019)
straight out of Dante's Lake of Fur
They look like demons from a Hieronymus Bosch painting, need I say more? "Memory" gets me even when purred by a furry demon with sharp teeth. This odd (and endless) infatuation and the Chernobyl accident (also still taking a toll on mankind) were probably the biggest "ok boomer" moments of the 80's. We just didn't realize it until now.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
Nightvision flatters NO ONE. Sailawaysailawaysailaway.
I tolerate Rob Zombie, love Lynch and John Waters films, yet I despise "TGWTDT". Give me "Faces of Death" or "Fear Factor" ALL DAY over this. I sat the book down halfway thru because it was so tedious. The movie's like that, but it's punctuated with stomach churning moments. It's so boring you'd be almost in a trance and then, BAM! explicit r*pe scenes I wish I could purge from my memory. Then, as you're easing into another light doze, BANG! A vile obese man is sodomiz*ed! This thing is filled to the brim with hideous people (except for Daniel Craig, probably still getting Hep and TB tests monthly). All clacking pelvises or someone who's the color of a fish's belly. I wish Marilyn or Clark Gable could see the cast, "you PAY to see starving homeless people pretend to be r*ped? My gawd!" I can hear Clark say. I DO love Fincher, but this was a lot of hype just to leave the theatre feeling molested and queasy. I go to the movies to escape the ugly world, or i go to face it, but not to be physically disgusted. And it has EVERYTHING disgusting except for people sucking on used tampons. A alien anorexic r*pe victim and an obese predator social worker. A shut-in who I mistook for a time traveler because of his NIN t-shirt. The cherry on top of this eurotrash heap? A psycho who kills to a soundtrack by Enya! And it's still as dry as a reading from the encyclopedia! The photography, composition, and score are the saving graces, but I would still rather watch a YouTuber eat a bucket of maggots. We skipped dinner after this film mercifully came to its ambiguous and underwhelming conclusion. Our s*x life took two weeks to recover also (Sail away, sail away, sail away). I would rather watch "Pink Flamingos" on repeat (Or surgery videos, or terrorist propaganda films) than sit through this film even once more. You get the picture. THIS film as a whole? Technically beautiful settings and cinematography spoiled by boring and unappealing characters delivering dry dialogue making for a tedious gag-a-thon.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
"Do you have any tatTOOS, Brad?"
My friends and I discovered this film one summer in the 90's. I was 15 and seeing it as a teenager, it blew my mind compared to what we were surrounded with then. The music. The weirdness of it all. We ran around quoting and singing that summer ("Do you have any TATtoos, Brad??") Everyone bought the soundtrack-it effected us THAT much. It made for a great summer for all of us. I am 40 now, and I STILL love this film. It's one of those rare ones you can carry with you through life and never set aside. I watch Rocky now and I remember those kids, laughing, dancing and nightswimming, testing the parameters of their world. All because of this very special movie.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
Witches aren't born . . . they're MADE.
Yeah, this is one of the good ones. A family of outcasts are besieged by evil, an evil that attempts to shatter the family unit by creating an atmosphere of paranoia amongst them, turning them against one another. Against one character in particular. All to isolate and infect said character with hopelessness. Leaving the innocent character with nothing but a string of betrayals by everyone she ever loved-this is how you make a witch. The authenticity of the dialogue is unbelievable. The locations really feel like the untainted America, pre 1700's. You are in the middle of nowhere, outcast, under attack and with no one to help you. I felt like I was peering into the past, witnessing something horrible that really happened, but was lost to history. The imagery and symbolism are mind blowing. I don't buy many films, but I did this one.
Twin Peaks (2017)
AKA: "How to exploit a faithful fan base"
Entertainment Weekly released a set of covers each featuring our beloved residents of the original Twin Peaks, then the return opens and I realized that Lynch and The channel were just playing on our nostalgia with the marketing. This return was hijacked by 2 Lynch collaborators, Naomi Watts and Laura Dern who weren't in the original at all (why didn't they put those 2 on the EW covers? Oh yeah, because we wouldn't watch). And yes they had some good moments, but they had NEARLY EVERY MOMENT. We get to see Audrey for about 5 minutes total. Bobby gets a few obligatory scenes. Shelly's there but serves no purpose, as does Norma and James.
in the original TP every shot took place in town. Here most scenes take place in Vegas and NY! The Vegas scenes are excruciatingly embarrassing. Cooper is brain damaged, yet somehow holds a job despite lacking communication skills or being able to offer any contribution to the company. Too hard to suspend disbelief for that crap. Lynch thought Dougie was the bees knees, and used him 90% of the time over Cooper: INSUFFERABLE. Plot lines are dropped like wet soap. The stuff we actually love felt like it got the 1 take treatment because Lynch is over it. It has its moments, but they feel like they're from another film or franchise. Laura Palmer was used in the first episode (barely), and then dropped for the entire run in favor of Dern and Watts and then he comes back to Laura in the final two episodes. It feels like "oh great. Now I've got to do something about this Laura and Audrey stuff that I don't give a crap for". I know at one point the project was called off over funding (I imagine it was over Watts and Derns salaries), but he ended up getting the money he needed. The special effects suffered, so the money didn't go THERE. Dern & Watts? Too bad they had nothing to do with Peaks. They forced our players out and ruined the show. This is Twin Peaks in name only, marketed by exploiting our nostalgia. Watch it and see.
Castle Rock (2018)
"You've been here before. . . "
"Castle Rock" surprised me by being a fairly decent mystery. Of course SK fans will know the town of Castle Rock as the setting for many stories by SK. Everything from "Cujo" and "The Dead Zone" to "Stand by Me" and "Needful Things" plus MANY more. The series "Castle Rock" is a mash up of so many settings, characters and references from the Stephen King canon and is STUFFED with so many Easter eggs that it will delight every SK aficionado. Shawshank Prison and The Emporium Galorium are here. So is the bar The Mellow Tiger. Alan Pangborn the (retired) sheriff we all know and love is present as well as new characters like Jackie Torrance, niece of Jack Torrance, the unhinged father from "The Shining". ALL of the players do a great job, especially Sissy Spacek as Ruth Deaver, adopted mother of Henry Deaver. Ruth's dementia makes for an interesting and eerie storyline (it's nostalgic seeing Sissy in another SK role, 40 years after starring in "Carrie"). Central to the plot is Ruth's adopted son, Henry, whose unplanned return to Castle Rock is prompted by the appearance of a mysterious figure, known simply as "The Kid", played by Bill Skarsgard (who also plays Pennywise). Any further elaboration risks spoiling the many surprises, so I'll stop here. Suffice it to say that this is a worthwhile viewing experience for all, but it's a required one for all SK devotees.
***Edit 1/15/20: Just viewed season 2. Richer plot: new characters. Tim Robbins (from Shawshank) plays Pop Merril, & Lizzy Caplin is a young Annie Wilkes (the psycho from Misery). Lizzy imitates Kathy Bates' Annie eerily! Fun to watch Lizzy do her thing. The people of Salem's lot are introduced, (many Somali refugees-I would say the theme is "The Other") There's body swapping: familiar friends may be out to kill you, and foreigners you despise may be the only kindness left in town. Pay close attention to the final scene of the season-it's a breathless 'wow' delivered slyly.
It Comes at Night (2017)
Y'know what ELSE comes at night? Crickets.
This isn't a great movie. Dead bodies are torched, people are shot, chased, fall ill and suffer heartache, yet somehow it's still as boring as a work orientation video. Confined for the majority of the time to one set, the drama begins to feel like watching someone perform housework-routine for this world and uninteresting all the way around. Undoubtedly intended to be "cerebral", but poorly thought out and bare-boned to a fault. It's not a matter of "not getting it". . . I got it, and was left unimpressed.
Ocean's Eight (2018)
We need original franchises for women
Compared to other "Oceans" films, this one is boring with no chemistry amongst the cast. Lazy plot. I find it insulting that Hollywood won't create original content for women. Instead of giving the ladies a franchise once it's dried up and unimportant, how about giving them good writing and NEW characters to work with? Substitute ghostbusters and crap like this doesn't work. We need FEMALE centered pop culture icons, not just substitutes for the guys.
Thunder Road (2018)
This ain't a beauty but hey its alright
What a humble and heartfelt film that actually has something to say! I watched the trailer and assumed it would be heavy, but the trailer doesn't do this film justice. Its more than that. It's about a decorated police officer who is literally going through the worst time of his life. Losing his mom, divorce, shaky child custody and who is also having a hell of a time at work, so yeah, it's heavy. But fortunately it's interspersed with comedy in places you wouldn't expect it. We laughed aloud so many times. We also teared up. It's a beautiful story about a fighter who is falling apart but still not down for the count ("If you see me wrestling an alligator. . . help the alligator"). Themes of family, loss, and coping are prevalent. The film shows that it isn't so much about winning the game of life as it is about just making it through it with someone you love. I went through every emotion, but when the credits rolled there was a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. Too bad we live in the era where "Black Panther" and "Get Out" receive obligatory Oscar nods, and the days AND The Academy that nominated "The English Patient" and "Good Will Hunting" are long past, otherwise, this humble little movie would've OWNED Oscar night.
Us (2019)
Sparse and tedious. SJW Oscar hopeful.
Although 'Get Out' had a skeletal story I enjoyed it because the premise was captivating despite its simplicity. 'US' is another story altogether. The story is lazy and sparse (but not as barebones as "Get Out"). Clones with a catchy moniker: "The Tethered" do creepy things. Neither one of Jordan Peele's films are 'horror movies' exactly, more like 'eerie movies' instead because they're more unsettling than horrifying. The characters aren't fleshed out with interests/ jobs/ hometowns/likes/dislikes. Peele also has a problem with overly long shots and sequences. He has some good imagery, but not enough. He milks his top shelf ideas for all they're worth. Lingering. Lingering. End the GD scene, Jordan!! During the first attack on the family, the dad had time to flee the home and go boating for (what felt like) twenty minutes while the daughter sprinted (far) down the street, leaving the brother and mother at home with their doppelgängers clicking and clacking and twitching and staring and boring me to tears. The pacing is so horrible that by the time an encounter reaches its conclusion you don't even care, nor are you scared because you just sat in a room with the evil twins for twenty minutes and remained untouched. That doesn't make them good people, but it does declaw these monsters. It's tedious and thinks it cleverer than it is. Bunnies= soft/Shears= Sharp. . . opposite sides of the same coin! Instagenius!! Also, I think the director has some issues he needs to work on because there's a lot of passive aggressive racism. A movie filled with r&b, yet the only people to die explicit deaths are whites who get beaten to death with golf clubs as a song by The Beach Boys plays. Then a comment on OJ Simpson comes seconds before white characters are stabbed to death. With her dying words one character asks her Alexa to "call the police", but instead NWA's "f the police" begins to play in near entirety (of COURSE it does). Long story short, 'US' is a generic fantasy that lacks tension and tries to fill that hole with grotesque contortionists who are just boring. Unnecessary social commentary and painfully extended chase scenes are included for free.
Captive State (2019)
Chicagos never looked better!
Horrible. You are dumped in the middle of a story with a dry, emotionless young lead and John Goodman who is given nothing to work with. We know aliens have captured all of the major cities and that a insurrection is rising again after one failed attempt to rebel against their new overlords. The problems are many. The actors aren't engaging enough to carry the film because the characters they're portraying are D-U-L-L. The aliens are barely present (it's hard to hate something that's offscreen. . . that actually improved Chicago's crime rating). Worst of all, the film is one loooong march from room to room and location to location. Constantly following fast walking people through various doors. Staring at the backs of countless strangers as they walk you into vague and nondescript situations. By the time you orient yourself, it's time for a new setting with new characters you'll see for five minutes. The faces change so frequently that they cease to matter (except for the DRY leads). I guess the director thinks this persistent movement is supposed to be exciting, but it's not. The music is sparse but persistent and monotonous. It made me want to seize. The flick doesn't show enough emotion to humanize it, and it's not alien enough to make it exciting. Stuck in the boring space between.
Under the Silver Lake (2018)
Life is nothing but loose ends
I see these reviews and can't help but be surprised. It sounds like these viewers were expecting some bang! boom! action film, but found a thoughtful and intriguing ode to Hollywood instead and were disappointed. If you actually appreciate movies and classics, then disregard these 1 star, pedestrian reviews. Maybe they should stick with pointless Disney remakes, Vin Diesel, and Megatron because this movie was great. It feels like a collage made of all things Hollywood. Hitchcock's grave makes an appearance (as does his style. . . but with love). Think "Rear Window" or "Vertigo" meets "Donnie Darko" with a hefty helping of "Mulholland Drive".
I would say the three directors alluded to most in this film would be Hitch, Richard Kelly and David Lynch. A lot of Marilyn Monroe references. "Somethings Gotta Give" and "Let's Make Love" alongside Spider Man and Barbie props. Dead actresses. Hidden messages. Substitution Codes. An underground Hollywood, ran by cults and running the world through pop culture. "Starlets" moonlighting as prostitutes. There's interesting characters like "The Homeless King", "The Owl Woman", and the mysterious (and hidden) "The Dog Killer". It IS a mash up, not gonna lie. One moment you hear "To Sir, With Love" and the next it's blaring "What's the Frequency Kenneth?". But It's NOT "Transformers 12", so no explosions, nor is an Avenger gonna Knock you from scene to scene. Instead it's a steady wave of curiosities that keeps the wheels in your mind constantly turning. Hell, I'm just happy to see original content. No sequel. No capes. It's a love letter to everything that has or may have lurked in the Tinseltown shadows this past 100 years. If you didn't like it, odds are you missed some (or all) of the references. Great film filled with mystery and nostalgia, polarizing today, but I've got a hunch it'll be one to develop a cult following once its audience finds it.
The Domestics (2018)
"The Sheets" are bad Wisconsinites.
Don't. Just DON'T. Pass this movie faster than you would a gang fight on the side of the interstate.
It's not so much bleak as it is oblique. We get most of our story from the 10 second intro summarizing this "new world". After that it's just silly. A surviving couple on their way to Milwaukee (!!) must pass through territory after territory that has each been claimed by a different group of deviants who feel outlandish and silly more than they do dangerous. Some wear deer heads. Some wear bed sheets and eyeglasses (their name? Ahem, "The Sheets"). I don't see how these killer gangs managed to survive and conquer with such limited visibility. Wearing a trophy deer head is an impediment more than it is impressive.
It's meandering and our goal isn't clearly defined. But the main problem is the lead couple. Dude does alright. Kate Bosworth's character is horrible. The world's ending and her main concern is giving her husband the cold shoulder while telling others how the apocalypse interrupted her divorce. It doesn't help her case that the husband in question saves her life over and over, brings her food, and leaves little notes on her favorite albums when he finds them in abandoned homes. This "film" is a mess and the lead character is repulsive. AND I've already forgotten the supporting characters and it's only been an hour.
I remember the Sheets, tho.
It Chapter Two (2019)
3 hours?! Daddy no! Bevvie will be good!
This was shocking. "It: Part 1" was the pinnacle of recent horror. "Part 2"? A devastating fall from grace. It started with the best scene from the novel, done well! Every scene past that broke my heart. "PART 2" was bloated and couldn't decide if it wanted to be a comedy or horror film. It bore no resemblance to the book. Chastain was phoning it in, Bill Hader & the actor playing Eddie were just loud & obnoxious-CONSTANT (blah) jokes & OVERacting. The best parts of the book were excised. Bills wife and Beverlys husband don't even make it to Derry! James Mcavoy and the actor playing Ben saved the production, but even they were saddled with cringey lines. "It's Derry, I'm getting used to 'weird'." And group chanting "Turn Dark to Light!! Turn Dark to Light!! . . ." repeatedly felt like lazy, over simplistic writing and I had second hand embarrassment for all actors involved for those five minutes. Condolences. Skarsgard as Pennywise was for the most part reduced to a CGI hybrid. More video game monster than the shadow clown we feared in part 1. Most of the time the actors were attacked by (poor) CGI creations that looked straight out of a Tim Burton movie. Plot holes a'plenty, and the ending is just straight up torture. "It" stomps around (LOUDLY) in circles for around 15 mins while the heckle and jeckle losers make jokes and poor Ben has to shout that Haiku like it's some kind of protective charm. After 3 hours ears & a$$ both are brutalized and the whole theatre moved like a flock of Whisperers (Or Golden Girls) when the lights came up. If you love the book don't see this. I counted only 3 cribbed scenes from the book. The rest is garbage from a screenwriter, not Stephen King. I felt like a fool for hyping it up and dragging 6 friends. All 6 were grumpy when the lights came up, but only 4 needed ibuprofen from my wife's purse, so there's THAT. The Final Cringe: who bullies a baby clown by yelling insults at it?
LOSERS.
My Friend Dahmer (2017)
Would rather be a victim than viewer
This film deals with the teenage Dahmer at the very beginning of his dark marathon. Dahmer before he turned achiever, I guess you'd say. I was eagerly awaiting this film (knowing the story well, and interested in biopics of serial killers as I am), but now I just wish I could forget it. Whenever I think of it, I want to wash my hands, kinda like I've been stripping flesh from a dead possum and need to clean up before a session of peeping on my neighbors. Everything in this film makes me feel dirty. Not like the original news story and the gory details that accompanied the sensational case and trial. No, this movie is just cringey. Several times he passes out; and teenage Dahmer acts, well, like a reeee reeee and convulses on the ground for comedic effect (mostly to disrupt class or at the request of his friends). He also collects roadkill. Peeps. Peeps and peeps some more. It's like everything you don't want in your teenage neighbor, hunchback included. And that's BEFORE the only murder in the film occurs. Dare I say if Dahmer was alive this just might turn his stomach also? It's something about the way it's shot, those animals decomposing in jars, the actors posture. . . the voyeurism. . . it just all adds up to ick.
I barely got through it and I'm not bothered by crime scene footage or gore videos. It's more "I need to wash this animal grease off" then it is "I need to wash this blood from my hands". I am telling the truth when I say I would rather help the real Dahmer construct his head and skull alter than sit through this maggoty movie ever again.
Bring hand sanitizer.
Countdown (2019)
5 . . 4 . . 3. . .2 . . . MEH
It had some scenes that had great visuals and a few great scares, but the story and characters didn't hang together. Those scenes would be great if judged alone, but the film-meh. For the most part it's Horror Lite in the vein of "Happy Death Day" and such. It didn't help that it had a perverted creep Dr who was such an over the top bad guy he was almost a cartoon character. Also, don't expect a lot of information detailing how the app came to be and who set this all in motion. All in all, pretty skeletal plot with a few great images but (unfortunately) a perverted Dr whose last name should be Weinstein. With NEW horror in short supply it's Still worth a watch despite the social commentary injected.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
TURNING a SCARY TALE into a FAIRYTALE
Quentin was 4 when he moved to California in 1967. It should be fairly obvious that the Manson Murders a year later would greatly influence him as a child. That little bit of insight gives greater meaning to the subject matter and title he chose for this film; "Once upon a Time . . .in Hollywood". It's a FAIRY TALE. . . that much is obvious. I believe that Tarantino (the man's) film fantasy exists simply because kid Quentin's thoughts were troubled so long ago when these murders collided with the film world he loved so much. And still does. Only a guess. Since then all of us Daydream or have sought that one (non existent) comforting thought that could ease the pain and frustration the "Family" caused so many. Restoring what was stolen from Ciello Drive, (and then the world) that night isn't a possibility. In THIS reality, anyway. Fortunately, QT straddles two worlds, this technical latticework and the other one of fantasy. The latter enables this film (so like a jack in the box overstuffed with murders), to both horrify all while still passing easily for the labor of love it obviously is-For Hollywood as well as the victims.
People will still gripe because it's not "Transformers 16" And it's obviously not for the kiddies (nor for the biddies). This film will be loved most by those who've known loss by name, or those still angry and perplexed by the cruelty shown that summer. The director can make the theater loud with violence, but I still insist this is a fairytale despite your eyes widening instead of closing.
The REAL world is filled with bare and dirty feet. THIS one is brimming with glass slippers.
Only Quentin, could make a Prince Charming confident with a flame thrower. . . and not much else. And the Knight in the Shining Trailer? Who may or may not have his wife's blood on his hands? That makes him THE PERFECT wall for a pack of wolves to run into headfirst at night. On the trails that cut through the helter-skelter, the wild Beasts are saddling the tame beasts and then teaching others how to ride them. Beauty doesn't sleep unless she wants to, and anyone who asks for her heart in a box will get mauled by a dragon named Brandey instead ("Good food for mean dogs"). Nothing "witchy" will be allowed and the Devils business will be left undone. In THIS world where Rumplestilkson's charred trolls are found bobbing in a swimming pool, missions failed. Depriving their Leader of his bloody wants and leaving him to tantrum in the hayloft of a forgotten stable. Thats a GREAT world compared to what we inherited once the trial was over and the hoofbeats faded so many Oscars ago.
The once tangible is now dust (that goes for Charlie AND our klutz) and for so many decades citizens have played "what if" and "If I was there It wouldn't have happened" . . .but truthfully we can't change ANYTHING, and short of a DeLorean, this thoughtful bit of movie magic is our best bet for rewriting history. I choose Quentins version.