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Reviews
Gui mian ren zhe (1982)
Loads of ninjas, not for kids.
This is a low budget Hong Kong ninja movie, but entertaining and fast moving? You bet!
Of course it´s the old tale of revenge, but who cares about plot when you get non-stop fighting and a bit of nudity put in for good measures. Most of the fight sequences are quite good, but I was wondering a bit why the characters were spitting out gallons of water when they got kicked. (And this ninja movie actually has loads of ninjas, black ninjas, blue ninjas, demon ninja...)
See it if you can find it, not the worst of it´s kind.
Jaka Sembung (1981)
Amazing!!!
The Warrior, Jaka Sembung, played by Barry Prima, is an Indonesian Robin hood with magical powers who fights evil Dutch Imperialists. This is one little strange movie filled with martial arts, mysticism, blood & gore, and a strong anti-imperialist message. It is also quite funny, and the dubbing is of course priceless. The final battle between the evil Ki Item and the warrior has to be the most weird piece of bloodshed in movie history, and who can forget the sequence where Jaka Sembung gets a new pair of eyes. Essential viewing for fans of Asian weirdness. the U. K. version seems to have some minor cuts, but is still worth watching.
Recommended.
Golok Setan (1984)
Prima Barry!!
Not as entertaining as the Warrior movies, this is still worth looking for. This time there is no evil Dutch Imperialists, but instead we get a Crocodile Queen in a pastel plastic cave, surrounded by her harem of cannibal sex slaves. As usual there is loads of martial arts, magic, and one and a half hour of memorable quotes. Oh, and the Devil Sword, the magical weapon who turns the owner into an invincible half God, or something like that. Yes, this is one trashy Indonesian movie, but it is still more entertaining than any Hollywood comedy. Did I mention the gory fights, the deadly parasol, the flying rock or the stone-headed cyclops?
Recommended.
Wu long tian shi zhao ji gui (1981)
Hopping Vampires, Ghosts & zombies
Billy Chong has to fight villains, zombies, ghosts and a vampire, who all knows the art of kung fu. All this because some low-life bad guy and a part-time magician wants him out of the way.
As usual there is loads of fighting, slapstick comedy, and we also get some jumping zombies, stupid ghosts and a vampire who´s running around chopping heads. Funny and entertaining, but also quite exhausting. Not as good as the Mr. Vampires series though. Leave your brain in a bucket and enjoy.
Yeuk saat (1994)
Hong Kong Nasty Nasty
An extreme, intense psycho splatter rape horror from hong Kong. the story is about Ming-Ming, a girl with severe learning difficulties, who is spending her days in a home where one of the doctors is a lunatic psycho necro rapist, who goes completely insane every time he sees the color red. All this because he had some traumatic experience in his childhood. Then at some point Ming-Ming is performing a dance number with red panties, and things really start to go wrong.
The film is excellent made. The colors are spectacular and the cinematography is superb. Ben Ng is probably one of the most intense screen villains ever, and the violence is brain numbingly nasty. Politically correctness is non existent however, and one thing for sure, this movie would never ever have been made in a western country. right up there with Dr. Lamb, Bunman, and the whole lot.
Be prepared, this one could send you into therapy if your not prepared, and you probably feel like taking a shower when your through watching this demented little gem.
Zhi fen qi bing (1982)
Don´t waste your time.
There is absolutely nothing about this movie I can recommend. There is a limited story, but no action, no suspense, no comic relief, it´s just one and a half hour of bad dubbing. one of the worst and most boring Hong Kong movies I ever seen, not recommended, stay away. This film makes even Godfrey Ho look like Orson Welles.
Bakterion (1982)
Italian Sewer Stinker
A professor has been exposed to some nasty virus, and the result is a slimy, toxic, rambling cannibal monster who lives in the sewers.David Warbeck is luring around as he usually does in low-budget Italian shockers. Oh, the military has put a quarantine on the small English town where the whole thing is happening, with plans about total destruction in fear of contamination. In one scene David Warbeck ask some character "have you seen any worse actors?". -And I can only give him a honest "No!" A very slow going film with few values.
Inferno in diretta (1984)
I Smell pizza!
Incredible stupid, but also strangely entertaining. Action packed mayhem follows as a rather annoying news reporter and her camera man head off into the jungle to look after the missing son of some rich guy, and to get an exclusive with a Guyana cult member maniac. Loads of indians, nasty jungle traps, drug smugglers, crocodiles and Michael Berryman are some of the terrors our friends are exposed to during the tour down the river. Quite graphic at times in the violence department, but beware the UK version which is heavily censored.
Loads of pasta sauce and cheese for this one (Parmesan that is...)
La dottoressa del distretto militare (1976)
Low-brow sexy Italian Comedy
Edwige Fenech is spinning the heads around on the male members of an Italian catholic military hospital, but is it funny? The humor is in the "Stupid Facial Expressions" department,and the best thing about this silly little comedy must be a dream sequence with Edwige Fenech naked on a hospital bed while a nun is farting soap bubbles. Well, what more can I say...
Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things (1971)
70´Obscure Miami Gay Drug Hippie Psycho Comedy B-Movie
Very strange, and quite funny little movie about a gay couple hiding out, one of them wanted for murder, which the other one is responsible for. One is a coke snorting hippie, the other one a Psycho killer in drag, mayhem and b.movie weirdness follows. Give it a chance if you like obscure 70´ movies.
The Only Way to Spy (1978)
Worst spy spoof ever!
Don´t try to follow the plot, it´s non-existent. It´s an adult spy comedy, and it is one of the worst. The best thing about the whole movie is the title sequence and Uschi Dighart rushing past the camera for half a second. A "so bad it´s bad" movie which is hard to find (...and that´s a good thing too) The Editor worked on Tod Browning´s "Freaks" if I´m not wrong.
To be avoided!
Organ (1996)
Hypnotic, slow going, bloody, weird poetry...AAAAAARRRGGH!"!!
A strange Japanese film about illegal organ transplants, Medical experiments on schoolgirls, gangsters, blood, puss and confusion. Made by the female star of "Tetsuo", this film is probably too slow and weird for splatter fans, and probably too bloody for the normal cinema goer, nevertheless, it´s a film you will never forget, if you get the chance to see it.(It is released on "Japan Shock Video", Netherlands, Europe.)
Not to be seen by people suffering from depression.
How Sleep the Brave (1982)
Worst Vietnam Movie Ever?
English non-actors running through the English countryside, what were they thinking about? So bad you won´t believe it, and quite hard to track down.
See "Zapper" instead.
Supervixens (1975)
Russ Meyer's Masterpiece #1
Women from heaven, a police man from hell, and a hero from God knows where in this orgy of violence, action, comedy, drama and true love and passion, re-born in a Roadrunner movie from the brain of Russ Meyer. No wonder all the girls are "Super-" in this film, and Charles Napier have never ever been better than the super evil impotent Harry Sledge.-Credits to Uschi Dighart as well. This is one of the films that makes life worth living. See it NOW !!!
(PS: Could be offensive to some forms of non-humorous life forms.)