- Bam Margera: Dave got kicked right in his fucking face.
- Ryan Dunn: He deserves it.
- Bam Margera: Everybody deserves everything.
- Ryan Dunn: Yeah.
- Bam Margera: You deserve this.
- [tries to push Dunn's chair over but fails and Dunn pushes him down]
- Ryan Dunn: With Bam's Liberace diamond covered soles... it's the worst thing ever.
- Bam Margera: Wah!
- [Bam falls over backwards in the chair]
- Bam Margera: Did I get sabotaged or am I just stupid?
- Ryan Dunn: No, you just don't know how to sit right.
- Bam Margera: It's this chair, man. This fucking chair. It's like the most flimsy fucking chair I've ever met. Here we go again.
- [Bam falls over again]
- Ryan Dunn: [laughing] We started off on the same chairs! Look at yours.
- Johnny Knoxville: What's your pain level at?
- Steve-O: A normal person would probably ask for a painkiller.
- Johnny Knoxville: Well, you got your card revoked.
- Chris Pontius: That's a man that has nothing left to lose.
- Johnny Knoxville: That's Brandon Novak and this is the Dildo Bazooka.
- Chris Pontius: Jackass 3D: full penetration.
- Rick Kosick: Fucking A, man, I can't believe this guy is a director. This is bullshit!
- Jeff Tremaine: Rick's going off on you right now, Spike.
- Spike Jonze: Dude, I'm gonna butt-fuck Rick.
- Chris Pontius: I don't know, I'm feeling sorry for you. Really painful thing. Low payoff. Yeah. Just do it again. Take two.
- Chris Pontius: Okay, so we didn't get quite up there. But it happens to a lot of guys. Doesn't it, Ryan?
- Ryan Dunn: It was destined for failure like from the get-go, but we kept on trying it 'cause we're stupid.
- Crew Member: Did you ever feel bad for him?
- Preston Lacy: No, I've never felt bad for Dave England in any situation.
- Ryan Dunn: Knoxville has prescription lotion and that's all he uses. And I got it.
- Bam Margera: But I got something else... horse cum.
- Ryan Dunn: Where do you even get horse cum?
- Bam Margera: From a horse, idiot
- Ryan Dunn: Yeah, but did you get it from the horse?
- Bam Margera: I don't know!