South Park (TV Series)

Cartman Sucks (2007)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Stephen Stotch, Bradley, Camp Instructor #2, Sergeant Yates, Mrs. Garrison, Clyde, Mr. Mackey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eric Cartman : And then I took a picture of his wiener in my mouth! Hahahahahaha!

  Kyle Broflovski : Dude!

  Eric Cartman : I know, I know. Check it out. Look. I got his whole wiener in my mouth, see? Ha ha. Oh, man I got him good.

  Stan Marsh : Dude, how is putting Butters' wiener in your mouth "getting him"?

  Eric Cartman : Because that makes Butters gay now!

  Kyle Broflovski : No, dude, that makes you gay.

  Eric Cartman : ...What?

  Kyle Broflovski : You put a guy's wiener in your mouth, that makes you gay, stupid!

  Eric Cartman : Nuh-uh!

  Kyle Broflovski : Yeah-huh!

• Butters : All right. All right that does it! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused! I wasn't confused until other people started telling me I was! You know what I think? I think maybe you are the ones who are confused!

  Bradley : Yeah.

  Butters : I'm not gonna be confused any more just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I'm eight years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bicurious! And even that's okay! Because if I'm bicurious, and I'm somehow made from God, then I think your God must be a little bicurious himself!

  Bradley : I think. I think I'd like to come down now.

• [last lines, Cartman shows a picture of himself sucking on Butters' penis during show-and-tell] 

  Mrs. Garrison : [incredulously livid]  Eric, what the hell is this!

  Eric Cartman : What this is, is a statement against the war in Iraq. It's wrong that we still have our troops there. IT'S WRONG! And what I'm saying is that...

  Mr. Mackey : [interrupts]  Uh, Eric Cartman? We got an emergency message from your mother: 'Do not show picture. Kyle didn't have it after all. Found it under your desk'. She said you'd know what that means, m'kay?

  [Mr. Mackey leaves, silence hits as Cartman goes bewildered and turns to Kyle, who delivers an annoyed look back to him, Cartman goes silently still] 

  Eric Cartman : [breaks the silence, blankly]  Lame?

• Sgt. Harrison Yates : Well, we'd have to get a warrant first, approved by a grand jury.

  Eric Cartman : I don't have time for that! We have school tomorrow, and I know that Kyle's gonna show that picture to everybody during show and tell.

  Sgt. Harrison Yates : Well then, you're screwed.