Scott Tenorman Must Die

Cartman: [inspecting Scott Tenorman's chili dish] Huh, this chili looks pretty good. Weh, here's mine.

[hands his chili dish to Scott, who starts eating it]

Scott Tenorman: Mmm. Ah, I don't know. Your chili is pretty good, Cartman, but I think mine is better. Try it.

Cartman: All right.

[takes the dish and starts eating. Both boys munch away for a few moments]

Cartman: Hey, this is great!

[Stan and Kyle stifle giggles]

Scott Tenorman: Eh, it's a special recipe.

Cartman: Gawh, this is really good, Scott!

Scott Tenorman: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you.

Cartman: What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?

Scott Tenorman: What?

Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's.

[turns to Chef]

Cartman: It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap.

[Stan and Kyle are stunned]

Cartman: I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your weiner. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also knew that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your weiner bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.

Mr. Denkins: Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I, I have my rights!

Scott Tenorman: My... mom and dad are... dead?

Cartman: I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady. And of course, to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you your chili. Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."

Scott Tenorman: [looks at Cartman for a while, realizing what just happened] Oh, my God!

[gagging, he fishes through the plate and finds his mom's wedding ring, still on her finger. He tosses it away]

Scott Tenorman: Oh, my God!

[vomits off to the side]

Cartman: [leaps up on the table and sings] Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah!

Stan: Jesus Christ, dude!

Scott Tenorman: [grief-stricken, he buries his face on the table] My mom and dad are dead!

[he pounds the table]

Scott Tenorman: No! Nooo!