- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Hunnicut, if there is a God, there will be a time in your life when you are in dire straits and in desperate need of a wealthy, influential friend. When that time comes, I pray you will turn to me so I can laugh in your face.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What's the slop de jour?
- Cpl. Igor Straminsky: This here's carrots and peas.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Oh, succo-trash.
- Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Actually, sir, they're *really* good today. I highly recommend them.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What about this stuff?
- Cpl. Igor Straminsky: The beans, I wouldn't give them to my neighbor's dog. In fact, they're so old, they're has-beans.
- [laughs like crazy]
- Father Francis Mulcahy: I remember one time we had wash hung out to dry, but Trapper stole Colonel Blake's underwear, strung his shorts from a kite and flew them into enemy territory.