Hairspray (2007)
Michelle Pfeiffer: Velma Von Tussle
Photos
Quotes
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Velma Von Tussle : [after "New Girl in Town"] How dare you pick the same song!
Motormouth Maybelle : They wrote it.
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Velma Von Tussle : [singing] Those poor runner-ups/Might still hold some grudges/They padded their 'cups'/But I screwed the judges.
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Velma Von Tussle : They're just kids, that's why we have to steer them in the white direction.
Corny Collins : [pause] RIGHT direction?
Velma Von Tussle : Isn't that what I said?
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Link Larkin : [presents Amber with a ring] It's time.
Amber Von Tussle : Oh!
[Amber and Link kiss]
Velma Von Tussle : Amber! Save your personal life for the camera, sweetie! Oop, shiny!
[sends Amber off to makeup for more powder]
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Amber Von Tussle : I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!
Velma Von Tussle : [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!
Edna Turnblad : [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!
Wilbur Turnblad : That was a good shot! Don't you think?
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Corny Collins : Tell me, Velma, how exactly do you fire Corny Collins from the Corny Collins show?
[walks away]
Velma Von Tussle : [starts to speak and then pauses, frustrated] They do it all the time on "Lassie"!
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Velma Von Tussle : 'Detroit sound?' What's that? The cries of people being mugged?
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Police Chief : [while on the lookout for Tracy] I doubt she'll risk jail to win some beauty pageant.
Velma Von Tussle : [to herself] I risked communicable diseases. She'll certainly risk jail.
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Velma Von Tussle : Incredible! I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf and you would remain completely obtuse!
Wilbur Turnblad : Obtuse?
Velma Von Tussle : Yes, obtuse!
Wilbur Turnblad : I flunked geometry...
Velma Von Tussle : ...yes, and biology too, no doubt!
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[singing]
Tammy : Are you scared we're on live?
Tracy Turnblad : No, I'm sure I can cope.
Amber Von Tussle : Well, this show isn't broadcast in...
Tammy , Amber Von Tussle , Shelley , Noreen , Doreen , Vicki , Darla , Becky : [with the other council girls] Cinemascope!
Velma Von Tussle : I never drank one chocolate malt. No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs.
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Velma Von Tussle : [singing to Wilbur] You're gonna need more than some seltzer to put out this fire.
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Velma Von Tussle : [disgusted] Oh!
[forces a smile]
Velma Von Tussle : Mrs. Turnblad! I'd know whose mother you were ANYWHERE.
[notices Edna's outfit]
Velma Von Tussle : Oh, let me guess - new dress?
Edna Turnblad : [nods, shyly but proudly]
Velma Von Tussle : Well... you'll stop traffic!
[laughs]
Edna Turnblad : [looks away, crushed]
Velma Von Tussle : It was nice meeting you... Tracy.
[struts away with Amber, as Edna starts crying]
Tracy Turnblad : Mama, don't you DARE listen to a word she says!
[Edna appears not to hear her]
Tracy Turnblad : Come on! She's just worried that I'm going to win the Miss Teenage Hairspray contest!
Edna Turnblad : [stops crying immediately and looks at Tracy, impressed] ... Really?
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Velma Von Tussle : How can you taint a cancerous can of chemicals?
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[from trailer]
Velma Von Tussle : [to Edna, about Tracy] Tracy certainly has redefined our standards
[chuckles]
Amber Von Tussle : That's for sure.