- Skinny Pete: [over the phone] If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.
- Charlie Croker: Look, I need a favor.
- Left Ear: [observing the front gate to Steve's house. He sees guard dogs] Shit.
- [Speaks into his wire]
- Left Ear: This dude got dogs. I don't do dogs... I had a real bad experience, man.
- Charlie Croker: [from their Netcom Cable van] What happened?
- Left Ear: [speaking slowly to reiterate his point, irritated] I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it. "I'm" deaf!
- John Bridger: I feel so optimistic. How do you feel?
- Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
- John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
- Charlie Croker: Yeah, unfortunately.
- John Bridger: Freaked out...
- Charlie Croker: Insecure...
- John Bridger: Neurotic...
- Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
- John Bridger: You see those columns behind you?
- Charlie Croker: [looks behind him and sees the pillars] What about them?
- John Bridger: That's where they used to string up thieves who felt fine.
- Charlie Croker: After you.
- Lyle: [Handsome Rob approaches Becky, the cable technician, in the parking garage. Lyle watches, amazed] Are you kidding me? How does he do that? How do you do that? What are you saying?
- [Lyle narrates the conversation with alternating Handsome Rob and ditzy female voices]
- Lyle: [speaking as Handsome Rob] Hey, how are you?
- Lyle: [speaking as Becky] Oh, I'm good!
- Lyle: [as Handsome Rob] Nice to meet you. I'm Handsome Rob. And you are?
- Lyle: [as Becky] Oh, my name's Becky, but it's written on my shirt!
- Lyle: [as Handsome Rob] Listen, I'm gonna need your shirt, and your truck.
- Lyle: [as Becky] Perfect! I'll give them both to you. Would you like my virginity as well?
- Lyle: [as Handsome Rob] If it's on the menu.
- Lyle: [as Becky] Oh, you're so witty! Why don't you take advantage of me?
- Lyle: [as Handsome Rob] Yeah, you're not too bright, are you?
- Lyle: [as Becky] No.
- Lyle: [as Handsome Rob] Perfect!
- Stella Bridger: [in her hotel room] What did you do to your hand?
- Charlie Croker: I punched Steve.
- Stella Bridger: Well, why do you get to punch him and I don't?
- Charlie Croker: Because those hands are way too valuable.
- Steve: [in a restaurant] Don't talk about right or wrong with me, man, because I don't give a shit. Okay? You got your cards, I got my cards. We made our play, and I came out on top. Okay? Now, if you want to start the game up again, that's fine with me. What is your play here, really? Come on, what do you? What do you think? You'll try to take out my guards, right? I have five of them that you don't know about. You'll try to have Lyle hack the system? I'll change it again tomorrow morning. What was your final move? I mean. Have Bridger's daughter come in and try to crack my safe? That's very poetic and all, but I just don't see it. I don't think she'll get anywhere near it.
- Charlie Croker: Same old Steve huh? Always thinking defensively. That's why you're always number two.
- John Bridger: Charlie, there are two kinds of thieves in this world: The ones who steal to enrich their lives, and those who steal to define their lives. Don't be the latter. Makes you miss out on what's really important in this life.
- Charlie Croker: What are you talking about, John? You've been a good father.
- John Bridger: Sending presents doesn't make you a good father. I've spent half my kid's life in prison. Don't get to be my age with nothing but this, Charlie. Find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, and hold onto her forever.
- [last lines]
- Charlie Croker: [voice over narration] I took John Bridger's advice. I found somebody I want to spend the rest of my life with and I'm going to hold onto her forever.
- Lyle: [seeing the name "Becky" on the cable-girl's uniform; specifically on her left breast] Becky, huh? Nice name. I wonder what she calls the other one...
- Handsome Rob: [sarcastically, jokingly] And it's such a mystery why you don't have a girlfriend, Lyle.
- [as they are dangling from under the road way, after Left Ear's gotten all the explosives in place, and is about to insert the detonater]
- Left Ear: Just give me a minute.
- Charlie Croker: [impatiently] NOW?
- Left Ear: I'm about to insert this detonator tube, and if the brass touches the sides, we'll both be the last people we ever see.
- Charlie Croker: [suddenly looking very nervous] Take all the time you need.
- Left Ear: [after a long pause] Hey, Charlie?
- Charlie Croker: What?
- Left Ear: [pause] I love you, man.
- Charlie Croker: I love you too.
- Stella: [over the phone] Why don't you just come by? We'll have some breakfast, hmm?
- John Bridger: Well, it'd be a long trip. I'm in Venice.
- Stella: With your parole officer's approval, of course?
- John Bridger: Well, I like the guy Stella, you know that. But we never really connected.
- Steve: [in a restaurant] You blew the best thing you had going for you. You blew the element of surprise.
- Charlie Croker: [punching him] Surprised?
- [about John]
- Charlie Croker: Just because he was around me more doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about you all the time.
- Stella Bridger: [Sniffling] It would be nice if it was true.
- Charlie Croker: It is true. He always regretted not having been a good enough father to you, Stella.
- Stella Bridger: How do you know that?
- Charlie Croker: Because he told me.
- Charlie Croker: [playing basketball with Handome Rob when his phone rings] Hello?
- Stella: I want to see the look on that man's face when his gold is gone. He took my father from me, I'm taking this.
- [hangs up]
- Charlie Croker: [to Handsome Rob] She's in.
- Charlie Croker: We set?
- Lyle: Yeah. I've enhanced the viewing matrix to track both the Cartesian coordinates and three altitude angles to give the exact position and orientation of our baby.
- Left Ear: We're in Italy. Speak English.
- [Lyle wants to be called "The Napster"]
- Handsome Rob: Come on, Charlie. They were at the same college at the same time.
- Charlie Croker: Why are you encouraging this?
- Charlie Croker: Napster, Gridlock every route except the one we chose. Force that truck to go exactly where we want it to go.
- Handsome Rob: Where do we want it to go? We can't have a shoot up without guns. We'd lose.
- Charlie Croker: We do it like The Italian Job.
- Charlie Croker: [in a restaurant] You've got no imagination. You couldn't even decide what to do with all that money, so you had to buy what everybody else wanted.
- Steve: Try this on your imagination, okay. That gold is already gone.
- Lyle: [typing into his computer] They are about to hit a major detour and be sent your way.
- [presses a button. A traffic light at one intersection turns green. Lyle then presses another button, turning the opposite light green. With both directions having greens, one car ends up sideswiping the back of another one. Lyle watches the crash, and says]
- Lyle: Oops.
- [He presses a different button. Another light turns green. Two cars collide and pancake together, sliding into a parked car. Lyle types into his computer]
- Lyle: You'll... never... shut down... the *real*... Napster.
- [At the traffic control center, the message "YOU'LL NEVER SHUT DOWN THE REAL NAPSTER" appears across all of the video monitor screens. The scene changes to various clips of gridlock across the city]
- [Lyle arrives on his motorcycle. He has trouble on the bike, though]
- Charlie Croker: [when meeting Charlie's crew for the first time] That's Lyle. He's my computer genius. You know he's who really invented Napster? At least that's how Lyle tells it. Said Shawn Fanning was his roommate in college and stole his idea.
- [We see a flashback of Fanning stealing a Floppy disk from a napping Lyle]
- Charlie Croker: I think it's his first time riding that bike, though.
- Lyle: Hey.
- [Lyle falls over]
- Charlie Croker: You okay?
- Lyle: Yeah.
- [a car drives up behind him]
- Charlie Croker: That's Left Ear. Demolition and explosives. When he was ten, he put one too many M-80s in the toilet bowl.
- [Cuts to the exterior of a toilet stall. Suddenly the door bursts open from an explosion. The toilet is spraying a fountain of water up]
- Kid On Left: Damn, that was cool. How did you do that?
- Young Left Ear: What?
- Kid On Right: How did you do that?
- Young Left Ear: WHAT?
- Kid On Right: I said, "how did you do that?"
- Young Left Ear: What?
- [Flashback to present]
- Charlie Croker: Lost the hearing in his right ear. He's been blowing stuff up ever since.
- [a car zooms in from behind Charlie and Stella]
- Charlie Croker: Handsome Rob. Premier wheel man. Once drove all the way from Los Angeles just so he could set the record for longest freeway chase.
- [Cuts to Rob being chased down the freeway by a massive armada of police cars]
- Charlie Croker: You know he got 110 love letters sent to his jail cell from women who saw him on the news?
- [We see two women hanging a banner on a bridge saying "We heart you, Rob."]
- Charlie Croker: [after opening Steve's safe] Don't you want to see what's inside?
- Stella: Absolutely.
- John Bridger: [over the phone] I'm sending you something.
- Stella Bridger: Does it smell nice?
- John Bridger: No. But it's sparkly.
- Stella Bridger: [sounding slightly angry] Does it have a receipt?
- [timing the getaway to Union Station]
- Handsome Rob: It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights today.
- Left Ear: You know, they do have the Metrorail, Rob, you could always use that.
- Handsome Rob: Yeah, that'd be ideal for carrying a ton of gold now, wouldn't it, genius?
- Charlie Croker: What's your guesstimate?
- Handsome Rob: The last twenty times I done this journey, you've got an average of thirty two minutes and a top time of fifty, but if we had green lights all the way, we could do it in fourteen minutes.
- Stella: [poking fun] What? Couldn't get through traffic?
- Handsome Rob: [after learning the value of the gold they've stolen] Twenty-seven million...
- Left Ear: Say it again, man.
- Handsome Rob: [louder] Twenty-seven million!
- Left Ear: Again!
- Handsome Rob: *Twenty-seven million!*
- Charlie Croker: A police boat can get from the station to our position in seven. That means you've got four minutes to work your magic.
- John Bridger: What? You told me ten and you said that I would have five.
- Charlie Croker: [slightly panicking] When?
- [John smiles and then chuckles]
- Charlie Croker: [sighs with relief] Do not be messing with me right now, okay? I will kick your ass.
- Lyle: [referring to Sean Parker] And then he's just the media darling... He's on the cover of all the magazines, I should of been on the cover of Wired Magazine. You know what he said? He said he named it "Napster" because it was his nickname because of the nappy hair under the hat. But he, it's because I was NAPPING when he STOLE it from me! He didn't even graduate!
- Handsome Rob: I think it's time to move on, don't you? They shut him down, I wish they would do the same to you.
- Lyle: [while in their warehouse] You want all greens? 'Cause, ah, 'cause you got 'em.
- [chuckles]
- Charlie Croker: What have you got?
- Lyle: Welcome to L.A.'s Automated Traffic Surveillance and Control Operations Center. See, they use video feeds from intersections and specifically designed algorithms to predict traffic conditions, and thereby control traffic lights. So all I did was come up with my own... kick ass algorithm to sneak in, and now we own the place.
- Charlie Croker: You want to do a dry run?
- Lyle: [singsong] I thought you'd never ask.
- Lyle: [about Stella getting into Steve's house and finding the location of the safe by impersonating a Netcom employee] You think Stella can pull it off?
- Handsome Rob: I have my doubts... but there's no talking to Charlie
- Lyle: [in an accent] What, you theenk he's meexing beesness with plezore?
- Handsome Rob: He should know better. Only "I'm" allowed to do that.
- Charlie Croker: [on the Coast Starlight] Guys, I want to make a toast. To John Bridger. The most brilliant master planner of all. Father and friend.
- Stella: To my Dad.
- [watching Stella's high-tech system of safecracking]
- Charlie Croker: You know, your dad was old school. Did the whole thing by touch.
- Actor Reharsing in Car: Turn in your badge and your weapon. I don't want to see you anywhere near this investigation.
- [Drinks from an imaginary cup and then pretends to crush the cup]
- Actor Reharsing in Car: Crush. I don't wanna see you anywhere near this investigation!
- [rehearses his lines quicker, while Handsome Rob waits at the lights impatiently]
- Actor Reharsing in Car: Turn in your badge. And your weapon. I don't wanna see you anywhere this investigation.
- [the lights turn green]
- Handsome Rob: Oi, it's a *green*!
- Actor Reharsing in Car: [rehearsing lines again] Turn in your badge and your weapon.
- Handsome Rob: GREEN!
- [Handsome Rob honks his horn repeatedly]
- Actor Reharsing in Car: [driving off rehearsing his lines] Turn in your badge and your weapon, I don't wanna see you anywhere near this investigation!
- [drives off and flips Handsome Rob off]
- Handsome Rob: Unbelievable!
- Lyle: [tell the other what he's planning to do with his share of the gold] I'm getting a NAD T770 digital decoder with 70-watt amps and Burr-Brown DACs.
- Left Ear: [confused] Yeah...
- Lyle: It's a big stereo. Speakers so loud, they blow women's clothes off!
- Handsome Rob: Now you're talking!
- Left Ear: [reading from a guide book] "Learn the language of poetry, art, romance, sex..."
- Handsome Rob: Unlike you, my friend, I don't need a guide book. Can we go?
- Steve: [in a restaurant] The gang's all here.
- Stella Bridger: You know, the only thing worse than a thief is a coward.
- Steve: Then you shoulda seen the way your daddy begged for his life.
- [Lyle isn't answering Charlie's calls]
- Handsome Rob: He only answers to "The Napster" now, Charlie
- Charlie Croker: Oh, no. I am not calling you The Napster.
- Lyle: Why not? You call him Left Ear.
- Left Ear: Well, I am.
- Lyle: And him Handsome Rob.
- Charlie Croker: Well, that's because he is Handsome Rob!
- Lyle: Well you can call me The Napster.
- Steve: So if I was to ask you out for dinner, would I be the first one of your customers to ever do that?
- Stella: [pretending to be Becky, cable repairman] Did you ask your last cable repair guy out to dinner?
- Steve: No. But the last one was like three hundred pounds and had a handlebar mustache, not exactly my type.
- Lyle: [looking at his name on their new ID's] James Hymen? Come one, just once give me a cool name!
- Left Ear: A hundred and forty pounds? Try one sixty five!
- Handsome Rob: Try lifting some weights!
- [as everyone is leaving Lyle still notices his bike is still laying on the ground]
- Lyle: Hey, Charlie?
- Charlie Croker: Handsome? Think you can help him with his bike?
- Left Ear: Yeah, help Knievel set up for his next jump!
- [first lines]
- Stella: [on the phone] Hello.
- John Bridger: [on the phone] Hello, sweetie.
- Stella: [on the phone] Daddy, it's early.
- John Bridger: [while in Italy] I sent it.
- Charlie Croker: You're supposed to do your shopping after we pull off the job.
- Charlie Croker: Steve, what the hell are you doing?
- Steve: [pointing a gun at them] Made a few plans of my own.
- John Bridger: There's nowhere you can go where we won't find you, Steve. You know that.
- Steve: I think that's probably right, John.