The Brak Show (2000–2007)

Andy Merrill: Brak, Clarence, Stunted Zorak

Quotes 

• Brak : Mr. Tickles, how do y-how do you think Thunderclese is gonna take this?

  Mr. Tickles : Oh my God, he'll tear your arms off!

  Brak : But I love my arms! That's where my hands live!

• Brak : Say wh... what time you got there pardner?

  Thundercleese : Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based life-forms to monitor their ongoing decay.

• Brak : Last time I was this happy, I was face down in a pizza pie, eatin' my way to freedom!

• Brak : I'm just gonna go to my room, I won't be able to sleep though.

  [snoring] 

  Brak : ... Man I love sleepin'... I wish I could wake up so I can go back to sleep.

• Brak : I'm going to go talk to my dad. He'll know what to do.

  Dad : How the hell do I know?

• [last lines] 

  Brak : This is stupid. I wish we weren't penguins and that our show wasn't canceled.

  [abrupt cut to black] 

• [Clarence appears, smoking a cigarette] 

  Brak : Clarence! We thought you were dead!

  Clarence : Clarence the boy is dead. Say hello to Clarence the man... who just had sex.

• [Brak at a party] 

  Brak : Hey guys, lets throw up the booze we just drank...

• Brak : Hey, what happened to my bed?

  [Brak's bed is covered with a thick, bubbling slime] 

  Zorak : Yeah, that's my funk. Leave it alone. It's resting.

  Brak : Well, where did it come from?

  Zorak : Do you really want to know?

  Brak : No, I suppose not.

• Brak : Dad, I need 20 dollars.

  Dad : Yes, and I need a prehensile tail so I can grab onto things like a monkey.

• [Brak prepares to dissect a clam in Biology class] 

  Brak : I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy, go-lucky man about town... and hello, Brak the ruthless clam slayer.

• Brak : Holy gherkin pickles, pop!

• Dad : [mumbling in hot tub water] 

  Brak : I hope those are talking bubbles, buddy.

• Brak : [singing]  That's my mom! / She goes by the name of Mom! / M is for her razmatazz / O is for the way she talks / The other "M" is there because... / You can't have a mom without "M"!

• [Brak comes home in tears] 

  Brak : I don't want to live anymore!

  [runs to his room] 

  Dad : Alright, now I can finally have that study I've always wanted.

  [Mom looks at him angrily] 

  Dad : What? I'm half kidding, what do you people want from me?