Tommy Boy (1995)

Julie Warner: Michelle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michelle : [to the boys, finally fed up with them mocking her and Tommy]  Listen up, you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.

  [This does the trick, and the boys finally leave Tommy and Michelle alone] 

• Paul : Wait a minute, fat boy. You lost your shares to the bank. You don't even have a right to be here!

  Michelle : Gee, it's funny you should bring that up, 'cause I'm not sure that you have the right to be here.

  Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Whoa, what have we got here? Oh, my God, it's a Police Report.

  Ray Zalinsky : What's all this about?

  Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : Let's see. "Paul Barrish, married May 1993 to Beverly Barrish aka Beverly Burns". Richard, how could Beverly be married to Paul and my dad at the same time? Interesting!

  Richard Hayden : Yes. Provocative.

  Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : What I think it means is your marriage to my dad was never legal.

  Michelle : Which also means that Beverly's shares still belong to Tommy.

• Paul : That's it! I'm not gonna take this.

  Richard Hayden : Uh, uh! It's not over yet, Lee Harvey.

  Michelle : Let's see... warrants outstanding: New Mexico-Mail Fraud. Colorado-Wire Fraud. And coming soon to Ohio, Computer Fraud.

  [Paul makes as if to say something, then makes a break for the door] 

  Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : [shouts]  Get him!

  Ray Zalinsky : Don't let him leave the complex, Marty.

  Thomas 'Tommy' Callahan III : [Paul runs into the Zalinsky auto testing center]  Hey, you forgot your wife!

  Paul : Screw you! Screw all of you!

  [trips over the lever that starts the crash test; car drives fast] 

  Paul : Not good.

  Ray Zalinsky : Hit the brakes!

  Paul : [screaming; car stops abruptly, sends Paul flying into a chair; a huge test bag drops down and smashes his testicles]  Aaahh! Ohhh!

  Richard Hayden : Ooh! That will ruin his weekend.

• Tommy : Hey, remember your brother Duane? Whatever happened to him? We used to go to Safeway all the time and get caught trying to steal doughnuts.

  Michelle : He's a cop. He had to get a real job when my parents moved to Cuyahoga Falls.

  Tommy : Wow!

  [awkward silence] 

  Michelle : [holds up box of Dunkin' Donuts]  Want one?

  Tommy : I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.

  [motioning at his stomach] 

• Tommy : How come you don't put the files in the file cabinets?

  Michelle : I don't like file cabinets.

  Tommy : Why not?

  Michelle : You have to open them. I've got my own system; hasn't failed me yet. All the shipping orders go through me, which means I spend about half of my pathetically anal life in here. So if I couldn't do things my own way, I'd probably freak out and blow up the whole town.

• Michelle : I saw your step mom and your step brother and he was kissing her.

  Tommy : So?

  Michelle : With his tongue.

  Tommy , Richard : *Ugh.*

  Richard : He's doing his mommy?

• Michelle : [on the phone with Tommy]  A thousand units to Oshkosh? Tommy, that's fabulous. Your dad never sold a thousand in Oshkosh. Uh-uh. Not since I've been here.