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Baby's Day Out (1994)
Joe Mantegna: Eddie
Photos
Quotes
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Eddie : [Baby Bink just got away from the villains again after many times, but this time by crawling into a small sewer tunnel] No problem, fellas. It ain't a hole. It's a tunnel. And what's every tunnel got?
Norby : Ooh! Don't tell me! I know, I know, I know. It's uh, uh, uh-...
Veeko : Tollbooth at the end.
Eddie : Are you always this stupid, or do you do this just to annoy me?
-
[the villains have returned to their apartment after chasing Baby Bink all day long]
Norby : Hey, Eddie, you sure you don't wanna go check to see if they left the money?
Eddie : Oh, that's a good idea. We get the living hell torn out of us by a baby! Three fully-grown men versus 15 pounds of pink flesh with a mouth! Now, what chance do you think we got of strolling into that alley and coming out with anything less than 140 years in prison?
Veeko : No way.
Eddie : No, thank you! This is a hexed situation, we walk away while we're still ahead.
Veeko : We took a licking and kept on ticking.
Eddie : We go back to banks. Dealing with grown-ups, and I want no kiddie stuff.
Norby : We did all right with banks.
Veeko : Or a convenience store once in a while, keeps things interesting.
Eddie : You know, I tell you one thing I learned from all this: I ain't never gonna have any kids of my own.
Norby : [Norby and Veeko laugh, and give each other high-fives. Veeko winces from his crushed hand] Yeah, seeing as you burnt down the only tree in your forest, I wouldn't worry about it.
Eddie : Why don't you shut up? I don't wanna ever hear another word about that rotten, snake-bit baby.
[Baby Bink saying boo-boo is heard from the megaphone outside]
Eddie : I'm serious!
Eddie : I'm hearing that little vermin in my thoughts. I want to erase him from my mind!
Norby : [Wistfully] Did you hear that?
Veeko : Yeah.
Norby : You know what it sounds like?
Eddie : [Picks up Bink's book and realizes he's actually outside] Boo boo... he's back!
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Eddie : If you want to be a shoplifter, go to J.C. Penney.
-
Eddie : [after accidently letting some mixture be poured on him] THAT'S IT! NO MERCY!
[tries to walk through the slippery puddle of mixture]
Eddie : This ain't no nursury school battle of wits anymore. This is my '5'"10" of guile, gut, and gristle, versus you 2 1/2 feet of goo-goos,gaa-gaas, and giggles.
[slips on the floor, but climbs up again]
Eddie : If the Milwaukee Mob couldn't kill me, no milk-puking little thumb-sucker's got a candle's chance on a cyclone of getting the better of me!
-
[while trying to feed Bink]
Veeko : Ed.
Eddie : Huh?
Veeko : How do I know this milk won't burn the kid's throat? If that matters.
Eddie : Try it on some skin first.
[Veeko almost drops some milk on his arm, but removes Norby's hat and squirts some over his bald head. Norby screams in pain as Bink laughs]
Norby : What's the matter with you?
Veeko : I'd better let it cool down.
[Norby smacks Veeko across the head. Bink laughs]
Norby : You like that? Hey, Eddie!
Eddie : Huh?
Norby : Watch the baby.
[Norby smacks Veeko again. Bink laughs. Norby laughs as well. Veeko laughs mockingly]
Eddie : Very good. Now see if it works the other way.
[Veeko smacks Norby across the head so hard he falls over. Bink laughs. Veeko smiles at him]
Veeko : It works.
[Eddie nods]
-
Norby : Eddie?
Eddie : Huh?
Norby : You're a smart guy. How do you tell the front from the back on these diapers?
Eddie : Aren't there pockets in the front?
Norby : [looks it over] Very funny. The front and the back are the same!
Eddie : Then it probably don't make no difference. Put him in them regular baby clothes. That fruit suit's a dead give away that he's a rich kid.
-
[Bink has crawled out the bedroom window, up the stairs and onto the roof; looks down through the skylight with drool leaking onto his chin; Eddie does the newspaper crossword; Veeko watches TV whilst chewing his finger nails; Bink's drool drops down onto the back of Eddie's neck; Eddie scrapes some drool off, looks at it and glares at Veeko]
Veeko : [notices Eddie's glaring face] What?
[Eddie leans over and smacks him on the head]
Veeko : What did I do?
Eddie : You *spit* on me!
Veeko : I did *not*!
Eddie : *Somebody* did, and you're the only one in the room!
[Veeko turns back to the TV; Bink giggles; Eddie and Veeko look up, then back to each other; they look up again; Veeko drops the TV remote]
Baby Bink #1 : Whoa.
[Eddie and Veeko bolt into the bedroom, where they find Norby fast asleep]
Eddie : You jerk!
Norby : [jumps awake] What?
[Eddie climbs on top of Norby and grabs his shirt]
Norby : Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, shh! Quiet. You're gonna wake up the baby.
Eddie : The baby's on the roof!
-
[Chasing Big Woman who has Bink unknowingly in her purse]
Norby : We'll give her a sandwich.
Eddie : She don't need a sandwich, look at her. She's big as a building.
[Big Woman turns around and lays a severe beating on them]
Big Woman : We'll give her a sandwich, huh? Big as a building, huh? Not so easy making jokes with my fist in your mouth, is it?