Barbarians at the Gate (1993 TV Movie)

Matt Clark: Edward A. Horrigan Jr.

Quotes 

• 1st Scientist : [talking about the smokeless Premier cigarette survey]  Well of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform

  F. Ross Johnson : Uh huh.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : They all said they tasted like shit.

  F. Ross Johnson : Like shit?

  2nd Scientist : Shit was the consensus, yes sir.

  F. Ross Johnson : They all said that? Nobody liked them?

  2nd Scientist : Fewer than 5%

  F. Ross Johnson : You said you heard the results were terrific.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : There's nothing wrong with 5%, Ross, I'll take 5% of the smoking market any day of the week

  F. Ross Johnson : How much are we into right now?

  1st Scientist : Right now?

  F. Ross Johnson : To date, to here, to now?

  1st Scientist : Upwards of 350.

  F. Ross Johnson : We've spent 350 million dollars and we come up with a turd with a tip? God almighty, Ed! We poured enough technology in this project to send a cigarette to the moon and we come up with one that tastes like it took a dump?

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : We haven't even talked about the smell.

  F. Ross Johnson : Oh what did they say that was like? A fart?

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Yep.

  F. Ross Johnson : Oh you're not serious! They really said that?

  2nd Scientist : We have an awful lot of fart figures.

  F. Ross Johnson : Tastes like shit and smells like a fart! Got ourselves a real winner here, it's one goddamn unique advertising slogan I'll give you that.

• F. Ross Johnson : And what the hell's wrong with the draw? You need an extra set of lungs just to take a drag.

  1st Scientist : It is a little difficult.

  F. Ross Johnson : A little difficult?

  2nd Scientist : It's what we call the 'hernia effect'.

  F. Ross Johnson : Is that's what we call it? Well there's another great billboard for you. What do we do, give away a truss with every pack? WARNING - this cigarette can tear your balls off!

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Their not so bad.

  F. Ross Johnson : Stop jerking off Ed. Who the hell would sneak into a john to smoke one of these. Wherever you light one up you're in the shit house and I'm beginning to get the same feeling myself.

• [Johnson and Ed talking by mobile phone, each in a company jet, flying very close together] 

  F. Ross Johnson : Did you see the hatchet job in 'Business Week'? RJR low stock price, tobacco company declining performance, executive extravagance. I love this: 'CEO F Ross Johnson routinely presses fifty dollar bills into the hands of wine stewards.'

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : I saw that.

  F. Ross Johnson : Fifty dollar bills! Jesus! It's been years since I tipped that little!

• Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : [puffing on a big cigar - cloud of smoke]  Ross thinks we should all talk.

  George Roberts : [looking uncomfortable]  Sure glad you guys don't make cigars.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Smoke bothers you?

  George Roberts : Only if I'm the same city with it.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : [disgustedly]  Fucking beautiful!