Stay Tuned (1992)

Eugene Levy: Crowley

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Spike is on a chandelier] 

  Crowley : Oh, incidentally, Spike, nice of you to drop in. Ha ha ha ha... Ah... that's funny.

  [He hacks, with his axe, the rope that holds up the chandelier, and Spike falls] 

  Pierce : I get his parking space.

• [Roy Knable was freed from the guillotine, and Crowley was (still) missing one of his arms and one of his legs] 

  Crowley : [to Helen and Roy Knable]  We did it! We beat Spike! Oh, I would have given an arm and a leg to see this! In fact, I already did!

• Crowley : Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to warmer megahertz. Gonna find a channel with sun, funny little drinks with those funny unbrellas, and maybe a dog track.

  Crowley : [Crowley checks to see if the wolves took off]  All clear.

  [a wolf then jumps from the roop onto Crowley and a couple more stars biting him; Crowley yells and screams] 

  Crowley : [Screaming]  I'm already dead! Save her!

• Crowley : [to Pierce]  Trust me, Babe, you walked into the right place. Very cushy down here. I mean, you can cool your heels in here for the rest of eternity *if* you kiss the right ass. And let me tell ya', these lips ain't calloused for nothing.

• Crowley : Nice disguise. Interesting concept. Diagonal boobs. Could you fix that thing?

• Helen Knable : Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?

  Roy Knable : Are you saying that that salesman was...

  Crowley : Mr. Spike - Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.

• Executioner : [reading the death sentence]  By order of the court...

  Crowley : Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.

  Executioner : ...I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to it's RIGHTFUL OWNER!

  Spike : Finally, he's mine!

• Spike : [Watching Mrs. Seidelbaum get crushed by a giant lizard]  That's entertainment!

  Crowley : [Applauding]  Oh, he's good. He's so good!

  Pierce : Shocking.

  Crowley : Sir, this is Pierce... our new, uh, intern.

  Spike : Mr. Pierce, if you can't stomach the sight of blood...

  Pierce : It's not the blood I find distressing. It's your lack of subtext.

  Spike : Film school graduate?

  Pierce : Yes, sir! USC. I did my thesis on Kurosawa and Spike Lee.

  Spike : Mr. Pierce, let me educate you about our organization. Here at Hellvision, we've turned the process of soul acquisition into an entertainment extravaganza. And all for the benefit of one very demanding viewer below.

  Crowley : The boss himself. And I don't mean Springsteen!

  Spike : He has an enormous appetite for misfortune. It is our job to supply him with an eclectic offering of light amusements... NOT SUBTEXT!