Madhouse (1990)

Alison La Placa: Claudia

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bernice : I need your opinion on something here. These are my favorite names for the baby so far: "Amaretta," "Caramel," or "Treblinka."

  Claudia : You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp!

  Bernice : I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little fairies from Cinderella.

  Claudia : You moron!

  Bernice : I hope my water breaks all over your fur coat!

• Claudia : [spray painting Claudia's shoes]  Those are pumps from La Don!

  Jessie : [spray painting designer clothes]  Now I want you to get your gold diggin' lily white ass OUTTA... MY... HOUSE!

  [notices the fur coat Claudia's holding] 

  Jessie : Oooooo!

  Claudia : [running from the room]  NOOOOOOOOO!

• Claudia : He barely knows I'm alive, he cut my allowance.

  Jessie Bannister : He cut her allowance, honey!

  Mark Bannister : To what? $9000.00 a month?

  Claudia : He makes me drive his old Jaguar.

  Jessie Bannister : Now, Claudia, some people have worse problems.

  Claudia : Like who?

  Jessie Bannister : Like people who don't have cars.

  Claudia : Who cares about them!

• Claudia : Well, what was I supposed to think? They looked insane.

  Bernice : We're not insane. We're from New Jersey.

  Fred : Yeah, the Garden State.

• [all the guests are lined up outside the bathroom; C.K. emerges, Claudia goes in and shuts the door] 

  Claudia : You repulsive little midget! Next time, *flush*!

• Jessie : Claudia, I... What are you doing?

  Claudia : Making a list of potential husbands. There are plenty of former suitors just waiting to sweep me off my feet.

  Jessie : Ranked in financial order?

  Claudia : One has to know what one is getting into.

  Jessie : What's the asterisk for?

  Claudia : Over eighty.

• Mark Bannister : [speaking to Claudia's husband Kaddir on the phone]  Hi, Kaddir, "salaam" back at you.

  Claudia : I won't talk to him.

  Mark Bannister : [speaking to Claudia]  He wanted to know if you were here.

  Claudia : Why?

  Mark Bannister : To let you know he canceled your credit cards.

  Claudia : What? That Middle-Eastern maggot! He can talk to my lawyer! The nerve of that towelhead!

  Mark Bannister : [back on the phone with Kaddir]  Oh, yes, she is very upset about your little love spat, Kaddir.

  [speaking to Claudia] 

  Mark Bannister : He says he will forget everything if you just go home and fix dinner for him.

  Claudia : [shouting into the mouthpiece of the phone]  Oh, grind some glass, Ayatollah!

• Claudia : [going over a list of eliminated rich marriage prospects]  Married, turned gay, married, in jail--malpractice, dead! I'm telling you, good marriage material is getting tough to find!

• Jessie : [Through the locked bedroom door]  Oh, Claudia...

  Claudia : Uh, I'm not decent.

  Jessie : [kicks the door open, revealing a wild, scary look yet calm demeanor]  Tell me something I don't know.