Madhouse (1990)

Kirstie Alley: Jessie Bannister

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Jessie : [Mark's having a nightmare where zombies are surrounding the house]  Mark, what do they want?

  Mark Bannister : They want... to stay here!

  Jessie : Oh Mark, why?

  Mark Bannister : I don't know. Maybe we're in some vacation guide for the damned.

• Claudia : [spray painting Claudia's shoes]  Those are pumps from La Don!

  Jessie : [spray painting designer clothes]  Now I want you to get your gold diggin' lily white ass OUTTA... MY... HOUSE!

  [notices the fur coat Claudia's holding] 

  Jessie : Oooooo!

  Claudia : [running from the room]  NOOOOOOOOO!

• Mark Bannister , Jessie Bannister : [screaming]  COMPANY!

• Jessie : [on the phone]  I'm calling for Trenton, New Jersey. Dr. Jack Penix! WITH AN X!

• Claudia : He barely knows I'm alive, he cut my allowance.

  Jessie Bannister : He cut her allowance, honey!

  Mark Bannister : To what? $9000.00 a month?

  Claudia : He makes me drive his old Jaguar.

  Jessie Bannister : Now, Claudia, some people have worse problems.

  Claudia : Like who?

  Jessie Bannister : Like people who don't have cars.

  Claudia : Who cares about them!

• Jessie : Claudia, I... What are you doing?

  Claudia : Making a list of potential husbands. There are plenty of former suitors just waiting to sweep me off my feet.

  Jessie : Ranked in financial order?

  Claudia : One has to know what one is getting into.

  Jessie : What's the asterisk for?

  Claudia : Over eighty.

• Jessie Bannister : How would you murder someone? If you have a question Los Angeles... then you should just ask someone else, 'cause I swear to God I don't know anymore. What am I talking about? HOUSEGUESTS! Houseguests from hell! Ladies and gentlemen, you listen to me, no, you get that snack later, you listen to me! Lock your doors! Don't answer the phone! If you have to leave the country then leave the country, but don't let them in! They may look like your mother, your father, your sister, your friend, but they're not! They're slimy! They're cockroaches! If the world was to suffer a nuclear holocaust the only surviving life form would be HOUSEGUESTS! AHHHHHHHH!

• Jessie Bannister : You want me to mail urine to New Jersey?

• [repeated line] 

  Jessie Bannister , Mark Bannister : Jiggle the handle.

• Jessie : [Through the locked bedroom door]  Oh, Claudia...

  Claudia : Uh, I'm not decent.

  Jessie : [kicks the door open, revealing a wild, scary look yet calm demeanor]  Tell me something I don't know.

• Jessie : [grabbing cans of spray paint and heading upstairs]  Oh, SIS! Jesse's got a surprise for you!