- Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.
- Frank: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's *my* policy.
- Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of "Julius Caesar", you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones.
- Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
- Frank: Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before... birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.
- Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
- Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.
- Ed: He's on life support. Doctors say he's got a 50-50 chance of living, though there's only a ten percent chance of that.
- [Frank recalls a prior love]
- Frank: I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.
- [Frank is interrogating Nordberg about the source of his incident, while Nordberg is only partly conscious from anesthesia, which Frank is incompetently unaware of]
- Frank: Nordberg, it's me, Frank. Now, who did this to you?
- Det. Nordberg: [Struggling to tell the name of the ship he was attacked on] I... Love... You.
- Frank: [Awkwardly] I... love you, too, Nordberg. Who were they?
- Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] Ship... boat.
- Frank: That's right, Nordberg. A boat. Now, when you're better, we'll go sailing together on a boat. We'll take a cruise just like last year.
- Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] No... Drugs...
- Frank: Hey, Nurse! Quick! Give this man some drugs! Quick! Can't you see he's in pain? Give him a shot quickly!
- [nurse administers drugs]
- Det. Nordberg: No... no...
- [pulls Frank towards him]
- Det. Nordberg: [half-consciously] Heroin... Heroin, Frank!
- Frank: Uh, Nordberg... that's a pretty tall order. You're gonna have to give me a couple of days on that one.
- Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
- [Nordberg is being visited in the hospital by his wife, Wilma, along with Frank and Ed, after Nordberg had barely survived a massive gunfire by a group of ruffians. Wilma is taking the unfortunate circumstance pretty hard, and with no help from Frank's blunt assumptions and remarks about the situation]
- Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
- Ed: It's hard to tell.
- Frank: [being blunt] A roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...
- [Wilma sobs]
- Ed: Frank, get a hold of yourself!
- Frank: A good cop, needlessly cut down and ambushed by some cowardly hoodlum.
- Ed: That's no way for a man to die.
- Frank: [being blunt] Ah, you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!
- Mrs. Nordberg: [Wilma sobs again] Oh... Frank! Oh, this is terrible!
- Ed: Don't you worry, Wilma. Your husband is going to be all right. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
- Frank: [being blunt] He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
- [Wilma sobs again]
- Ed: What I'm trying to say is that, Wilma, as soon as Nordberg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
- Frank: [being blunt] Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense.
- [Wilma sobs again]
- Frank: Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts.
- [Frank Drebin walks through town]
- Frank: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but somehow, I didn't entirely trust him either. Why was the 'I Luv You' not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?
- Frank: I'm telling ya, the answer's up there in Ludwig's office. Call it what you will. A hunch, woman's intuition. That guy Ludwig knows a lot more than he's telling us.
- Ed: A hunch won't stand up in court, Frank. Where are your hard facts?
- Frank: Look. He's the only one outside of ourselves who knew that Nordberg was still alive. Next thing we know, some thug tries to knock Nordberg off in the hospital.
- Ed: That may be, but breaking into Ludwig's office, you're takin' a big chance.
- Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan.
- Frank: [sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn's early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight's last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket's red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that's free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!
- Frank: It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!
- Frank: Lieutenant Drebin, Police Squad.
- Foreman: Oh, I remember you, Drebin. What do you want?
- Frank: I wanna ask you some questions.
- [showing him a picture of Nordberg]
- Frank: Are you familiar with that face?
- Foreman: I don't know. My memory ain't so great.
- Frank: Oh, yeah?
- [offering a $20 bill]
- Frank: Maybe this'll refresh your memory.
- Foreman: I don't know. It's still kinda hazy.
- Frank: [offering another] How about this?
- Foreman: Yeah, I remember him. I used to see him around. Why do you wanna know?
- Frank: I can't tell you that.
- Foreman: [offering the $20 back] Yeah? Well, maybe this'll help.
- Frank: I really don't think I should.
- Foreman: [offering the second $20 back] Yeah, you still don't think so?
- Frank: All right, his name is Nordberg. He's a cop.
- Foreman: He was no cop. He was dealin' H.
- Frank: What?
- Foreman: I'm tellin' you, he was dirty.
- Frank: [grabbing him] Oh, you sniveling scum, I oughta run you in right now.
- Foreman: All right, all right, he worked at Ludwig Shipping. He tried to push something on one of my boys, I swear. So what're you gonna do about it, copper?
- Frank: Why should I tell you?
- Foreman: [offering $20 again] Maybe this'll help.
- Frank: I still don't think I should tell you.
- Foreman: Can you spot me a 20?
- [Frank gives him the bill back, which he, in turn, offers back]
- Foreman: How about now?
- Frank Drebin: [22:10] Her hair was a color of gold in an oil painting. She had a full set of curves and the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day. She was giving me a look I could feel in my hip pocket. Yep, this was starting to get interesting.
- Jane: How could you do something so vicious?
- Vincent Ludwig: It was easy my dear. You forget, I spent two years as a building contractor.
- [in the midst of a fight in a Conference room, Frank wipes off Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark. Frank looks at us]
- Frank: I knew it!
- [Frank throws Gorbachev through a wall]
- Mayor Barkley: [reading Frank's charges] Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson; sexual assault with a concrete dildo?
- [to Frank]
- Mayor Barkley: What the hell were you doing there in the first place?
- Ed: Wilma, can you think of any reason that Nordberg was at the waterfront last night?
- Mrs. Nordberg: No. But I found this at home, in a drawer.
- Ed: [taking what she gives him] A photograph. "I Luv You," out of Caracas.
- [showing the picture to Frank]
- Ed: A Panamanian ship. Frank, when Nordberg said "I love you," he was telling you the name of the ship.
- Frank: I realize that... now.
- Vincent Ludwig: This is a rare samurai pen, a gift from Emperor Hirohito. Unbreakable.
- [demonstrating]
- Vincent Ludwig: Impervious to everything but water. Its value is... beyond estimation.
- Frank: That's fascinating.
- Vincent Ludwig: Hmm. But I'm sure you didn't pay me this visit to hear a lecture on fine art, Lieutenant. To what do I owe the honor?
- Frank: [continuing to play with the pen] I'm investigating the attempted murder of one of your dockworkers.
- [accidentally breaking it and sending one end into Ludwig's fish tank]
- Frank: A man named Nordberg, uh, a police officer.
- Vincent Ludwig: [alarmed, but maintaining his composure] He's still alive, then?
- Frank: [trying to retrieve the pen from the fish tank] Uh, he was shot six times. Fortunately, the bullets missed every vital organ, and the salt water preserved him until he was found.
- Mrs. Nordberg: [Nordberg is in the hospital] Oh, Frank, I'm so glad you came.
- Frank: Wilma, it's good to see you. I came as soon as I heard.
- Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, thank you, Frank.
- Frank: You bet. Where's Nordberg?
- Ed: [indicating the bed] Uh, he's right here, Frank.
- [Frank has beaten a horde of America's most-feared world leaders in a conference room and heads for a door]
- Muammar al-Qaddafi: Hey, who are you?
- Frank: I'm Lt. Frank Drebin! Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!
- [the door hits Frank in the face and he loses his balance]
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What is the streaming release date of The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988) in Canada?
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