User reviews

Rarely does one find a movie so bad that it achieves the often-sought paradigm of having so little redeeming value that that alone makes it worth watching. "Cyclone," I am happy to report, is such a film.

I knew I was in for something good as soon as I found the videotape. I am at least its fourth owner: It has a "Used Movie Sale! $9.95" sticker on the front, and a yard-sale sticker for one dollar. I picked it up at a thrift store for fifty cents.

The Used Movie Sale! sticker covers much of the front cover artwork, meaning that what I see is a truly odd blended still of the front of the Cyclone super bike, a car flipping over on fire, and Heather Thomas, wearing Flouncy Eighties Hair with her mouth open in an expression that says, "I 'ave a 'ooth ache." I saw that and thought, "All RIGHT." The case, honestly, was enough ("with nowhere to turn and no one to trust, Teri is plunged headlong into a maze of danger and deceit"), but I surprised myself by actually getting around to watching it. I always make time for the really bad films. That "Fight Club" tape can wait.

Meet Teri. Teri is a stunningly well-crafted character, as we can tell from her introduction, in which she and her friend do exercises that highlight her breasts and, later, her legwarmers. Then Teri goes off to hook up with her boyfriend for the evening that goes horribly wrong. Before she knows it, Teri is driven "straight into a web of deadly double-crosses in CYCLONE." The VHS box tells it like it is.

Left out of the box summary - perhaps out of some faint hope that actual copies of this film would be sold - is how awful the acting is. It might have been just me, but I kept thinking I could read the characters' thoughts through their eyes. "This is dumb," thinks Heather Thomas. "I know," thinks Bad Guy with Too-Wide Mouth.

A driving force (no pun intended) for the second half of this epic picture are the car chases. Those were actually pretty good, although I'm inclined that gasoline doesn't need coaching on how to explode. What really impressed me is that, in all the chases, the streets were pretty much empty. It's like there are only twenty people in this huge city.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee Wilikers! I have to see this movie!" The sad thing, though, is that you can't find it. Oh no. "Cyclone" is a film that finds YOU. Just wait. Some day - perhaps during lunch, perhaps late in the evening, perhaps "when military scientist Jeffery Combs ('Re-Animator')is murdered by hired assassins" - you will hear the rustle of legwarmers, and know that it is time.

Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas) finds herself in a world of nefarious Government and bad guy types after her inventor boyfriend Rick Davenport (Jeffrey Combs) is murdered. Seems everyone is after his invention Cyclone, a $5 million dollar motorbike with stealth technology. Of course, Rick expected this and delivers a post-death message to Teri to get the motorbike to the only G-man (Troy Donahue) he can trust. The big chase is on with CIA agents Waters (Martine Beswick) and Knowles (Robert Quarry) and baddies Rolf (Dar Robinson) and Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith) in pursuit. And Martin Landau figures in here somewhere as the main bad guy. More Fred Olen Ray madness here and this film is a marked improvement over his earlier stuff. By that I mean it looks like an actual film with decent cinematography. It is still pretty low budget though with cheap sets and a almost-but-not-quite futuristic bike design. The leads are decent and I noticed Combs - like Peter Cushing before him - has an insane talent for making techno-babble sound 100% believable. You also get a gaggle of ex-stars who mostly likely were around for a few days in supporting roles. Donahue has one scene while Landau gets three. All of the big action is saved for the finale and there are two really cool car stunts there. Of course, the film's biggest leap of faith isn't the stealth bike. My friend Marty summed it up best when he said: "As implausible as this thriller is, the biggest stretch is that sexy blonde Thomas, first seen hitting the Nautilus machine in a bust-bursting Spandex outfit, would be dating dorky scientist Combs."

Although I am a fan of Heather Thomas and I have a few of her old bikini posters around here somewhere, I can honestly say that if the only movie I had ever seen her in was "Cyclone", I would never be able to guess why she had made it as far as she had in show business.

Directed by Fred Olen Ray (about as good an omen as seeing buzzards circle over head in the desert), this tale of a woman (Thomas) who must protect a high-tech motorcycle from unscrupulous types is about as "B" movie as it gets (or in Fred Olen's case, "B minus").

The cast itself should tell you something. It's not every movie that combines Thomas with actors the calibre of Beswick, Hall, Combs, Donahue, Tamblyn and Landau (!!). If you're lucky, very few movies do. And even though they seem to be having fun, shouldn't some of that fun be passed on to the audience? I vote yes, seems they voted no.

Of course, if you ever wanted to see Heather deliver an uppercut to another woman, use the "F" word and get hooked up to battery cables, you've probably been looking for this one. Myself, I'll be content with old "Fall Guy" reruns.

One star, given in hopes that when another "Cyclone" hits town, Heather runs for shelter. I know I will.

Cyclone is a piece of dreck with little redeeming value, even on the so bad its entertaining front. A friend of mine took the tape from an overflowing St. Vincent DePaul clothes bin. Okay, that may be a little bit dodgy but it was meant to be a clothes bin, not a crappy old VHS bin, something the less fortunate members of our society don't really need to make their lives better. It could be considered a mercy. Watching a movie like Cyclone would really only add to their problems. Anyway the basic premise of a woman with a super-powerful motorcycle that it armed to the teeth with rockets and lasers isn't even properly exploited. The two 'high speed' chase sequences involve vehicles travelling at less than hair raising speeds of around 40 KMPH and a super-fast motorcycle that is in danger of being overtaken by a crappy old station wagon is not that awe inspiring when you get down to it. There is only one scene where the bikes goofy weaponry is used, at the film's climax, and it is laughably ineffectual, or just laughable, when it is. This includes laser beams that look like they should be coming out of the hands of an evil wizard in a cheesy eighties sword and sorcery that produced large bursts of flame which seem to have no noticeable effect on their targets even when they hit directly. The rest of the movie is just tedious hard to watch filler. Lots of bad actors, yes even Combs and Landau suck in this, most of whom seem like they have been lifted from the set of a porno movie stand around exchanging really bad dialogue in a desperate attempt to pus forward the barely coherent plot. There are a few badly staged fight sequences and some excruciatingly unfunny comic relief scenes with some cops and the owner of the motor cycle repair shop. Comedy of the sub Benny Hill horny old man can't stop staring at the female leads chest variety. Basically the 'money' scenes involving the bike actually doing stuff are few and lame and the rest is clunky filler material. Skip it.

This movie was in a box set with 20 others, with varying quality, & I can safely say that this title was right at the bottom of the heap.

It is pointless to go through the plot, what there was of it, picking out what was wrong, as I haven't got all day & life is to short, which reminds me, I have just lost around 85 minutes of mine watching this tripe.

The acting was diabolically bad in a way that made it funny, though only just, whilst the comedy elements like the two idiotic cops must have made any Laurel & Hardy fans groan. One of the only barely funny moments was when the leading lady made a joke about her former friends plastic T*ts, which would have been okay if I hadn't had to watch them bob around whenever she waddled on the screen.

The lowest I can give is one, & it probably deserves that for having Heather Thomas in it, as she was certainly sexy & shapely, though her acting was as bad as everyone else.

The only thing I expected that this film didn't have was an intelligent, talking motorcycle.

This film is just plain awful. I gave it 1 star, which of course, means I enjoyed it tremendously. Bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, bad fight choreography. The only real actor in this movie is Martin Landau, who of course does a good job playing the villain, although the character is your standard cardboard cutout evil CEO/Villain. Even the so-called "plot twist" at the end was no shock.

There was so much to make fun of in this movie, I enjoyed it a lot. And it did have a few impressive car wreck stunts.

Like bad movies? Check this one out, ouch. Want a good movie? Not here.

When a movie shows two beautiful, sweaty women working out in a gym (with the camera emphasizing their arms and cleavage) BEFORE the opening credits are even over, it's on the right track. When it shows one of those women (the super-sexy Heather Thomas) kicking a$$ within the first 10 minutes, it deserves applause. Sure, the plot is so thin that it feels stretched-out even at just 82 minutes, and the "comic relief" of two inept cops is not very funny, but on the whole "Cyclone" is an enjoyable B action movie, with some spectacular car and motorcycle stunts (considering the budget). Also notable is the strong female presence, with no fewer than 4 women (2 good and 2 bad) getting into the action, and if you're thinking "there must be a Climactic Catfight"....you are right! Cult actors Jeffrey Combs and Martin Landau have fairly brief roles, Landau does get the last line in the film though (and it's a funny one). (**1/2)

I'm a huge fan of Dawn Wildsmith and Jeffrey Combs, although I originally rented this movie because Michelle Bauer suppossedly appears here but I didn't see her...Some of the action sequences were good, there's lots of action, three sexy and tough chicks (Ashley Ferrare, Heather Thomas, Danw Wildsmith)... Fred had done it again, I give it three stars out of four.

"Cyclone" is a decent dose of escapism from reliable B movie veteran Fred Olen Ray, ostensibly a vehicle for gorgeous, glamorous TV star Heather Thomas. She plays Teri, a young woman whose boyfriend Rick (Jeffrey Combs) has designed an ultra cool looking motorcycle for the government. Soon, bad guys have murdered Rick and Teri is forced to take it on the lam. Among the rich assortment of villains are Martin Landau as slick, evil businessman Bosarian, legendary stuntman Dar Robinson (to whom the film is dedicated) as an albino thug, and Dawn Wildsmith as his gal pal. You know you're in for a good time when in addition to these people, the others who turn up are Troy Donahue, Martine Beswicke, and Robert Quarry as federal agents, Huntz Hall as bike shop proprietor Long John, Bruce Fairbairn as a police detective, and an uncredited Russ Tamblyn. Overall this is a fairly slight movie - you won't really remember it after it's over - but it's still pretty entertaining while it lasts. The action scenes are competently done, the pacing is efficient, and there are some hilarious moments to let us know that Ray and screenwriter Paul Garson are keeping their tongues in their cheeks and just having fun with the genre. Among these moments are the final scenes for both Quarry and Robinson. The motorcycle itself is pretty damn nifty, and the helmet that goes with it is amusing itself - it shoots lasers! David A. Jackson composes the catchy, appealing electronic music score, and there's one priceless sequence featuring an act named Haunted Garage (fronted by Michael Sonye) performing the song "Devil Metal". The actors are enjoyable to watch, with Thomas making for a tough and feisty heroine, and the equally fetching Ashley Ferrare engaging as her friend. It's a treat to see Combs of "Re-Animator" fame in a romantic role, and Robinson (who died after filming) is the most fun out of the antagonists. The ending is not terribly satisfying (revealing the fate of a specific character in a rather perfunctory manner), but in general this is fine entertainment for schlock fans. Some of them may bemoan the fact that the one gratuitous shower scene is over so soon, though! Seven out of 10.

The best thing about this move was Ms. Thomas's assets. She seemed to have reprised her role fromtheold 'Fall Guys' Tv series, in that her wardrobe consisted of, in order of their appearance, leotards, skin tight jeans and spandex mini skirts. The plot was comical, while the fight scenes were pretty good. I kept getting the impression the other actors wished they were some place else.

One particularly silly scene had Teri (Ms.Thomas) tied to a chair, being tortured by the villians to reveal the location of the Cyclone. The dialog is silly, and villians seem more interested in sneering and threatening than getting the information.

For a laugh it worth seeing, but for serious action fans, skip it.

(57%) A very 1980's mid-budget sci-fi actioner featuring the very lovely Heather Thomas in a role that sees her take on criminal Martin Landau using her boyfriend's (Jeffrey Combs) super high-tec motorbike equipped with a laser-beam armed helmet and some rockets. And that's it for story. But this is still an enjoyable watch as the pacing is brisk and there aren't many fun action movies like this with a female lead. There are some quite cool and well handled moments, and the action is never below normal decent standards. Anyone in the mood for some long forgotten, yet still very watchable entertainment from the 1980's should give this a go.

(1987) Cyclone ACTION

To me it's one of the worst low budget straight to rental films I've ever seen centering on boyfriend played by Jeffrey Combs building a top secret motorcycle with corrupt infiltrations by wealthy businessman, unbeknownst girlfriend played by Heather Locklear gets involved who uses bike to kill goons including the ones who were responsible for boyfriend's death. All I can say is that before watching this, I seen a 1980's documentary centering on one of Hollywood's greatest stuntman ever lived by the name of Dar Robinson, and in this film he's given a bigger role as the henchman hired to do the bad guy's dirty work and retrieve the secret thing whatever it is. "Cyclone" apparently was the last film he's ever did besides performing dangerous stunts for the hit "Lethal Weapon", and may or may not have actually been killed doing a motorcycle stunt for this film- I'm not too sure, but anyways Dars acting as well as the others are amongst the worst I've ever seen, but theirs some crazy ass stunts that're performed on screen toward the end and should be acknowledged for that alone.

Wow! Fred Olen Ray outdid himself with the casting of Cyclone.

We get Russ 'Satan's Sadists' Tamblyn, Jeffrey 'Re-Animator' Combs, Martine 'Prehistoric Women' Beswick, Robert 'Count Yorga' Quarry, Huntz 'Sach' Hall, Martin 'Bela Lugosi' Landau, Troy 'I Know What You Did' Donahue, and Heather, er, 'Dukes of Hazzard' Thomas, all in one movie!

The story is ridiculous and the movie is unwatchable, but who cares!

This 80's actioner is sort of like a film length version of Streethawk with Heather Thomas from The Fall Guy as the bike riding heroine. She is kitted out in tight clobber and a Lita Ford haircut, which all works for me. The story revolves around a super motorbike called Cyclone which runs on oxygen which is sought by evil agents, blah blah blah. There is a nice array of genre movie regulars in stock roles, the pace is fast, the stunts are well-executed and Heather's bike can fire lasers - so there is plenty of low brow entertainment to be had in this one. Surprisingly good fun.

Not too long ago, I saw a movie and in seeing it I thought I had witnessed the worst movie in history, but I couldnt be more wrong. This is in fact, the worst movie every. Let me tell you right off if you like guys wearing mullets, women with overteased hair, and terrible acting thrown on top like some type of sadistic cherry this is your movie! I struggled through the movie saying to myself over and over; "I am not a quiter!" I found the plot, worthless, the acting even worse, and the whole story line to drag on. I hated the whole movie and with good reason. How are you suppose to take a bad guy seriously when he is wearing lowcut Italian boots? (white haired guy) The one redeeming thing about this movie is the laser helmet. If I had that thing I would walk around baking everyone. So I have begun to construct my own.

Cyclone feels more like a pilot for a TV show than a movie. It is in the popular mid-80's genre of people with super vehicles. They even threw in a cute blond that kicked butt, years before Buffy hit the screens. But even for low budget 80's movies it does move slowly. I found it was best to have something else to do while watching it, to carry the time between the action scenes.

Even then, if you weren't a teen in the 80s and never had a crush on Heather Thomas in The Fall Guy, then this may not be for you. The nostalgia factor is a lot of what makes it fun. You have to let the 80's action music and outfits take you back to your childhood.

If, as a kid, you ever pretended your bicycle was KITT, Blue Thunder, Airwolf or from Automan then this movie might be for you.