Peter Sellers: Narrator, Supt. Quilt, Asst. Commissioner Sir Jervis Fruit, Henry Crun
Quotes
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Sgt. Brown : [points to floor] Look, sir. An impression of a heel.
Superintendent Quilt : Very clever, Brown, but we haven't time for your impressions now.
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Narrator : At 11.10 the police photographers arrived, photographed the police, and hurried away again.
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Superintendent Quilt : Where were you on the night of the 17th?
Beautiful woman : Don't you remember?
Superintendent Quilt : [gulps] Have you got all that down, Brown?
Sgt. Brown : Yes, sir.
Superintendent Quilt : Well rub it out again.
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Maurice Plonk : My name is Maurice Plonk, and I live in a little log cabin in Piccadilly. Last night I left a burning cigarette by my bedside and the whole place was burny down. And the night before last, my fire insurance ran out and we did not get a penny. My, how we did laugh when we heard about it.
Narrator : Mr Plonk has nothing to do with our story. We thought you'd like to see what a real idiot looked like.
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[After repeatedly encountering the same mysterious woman]
Superintendent Quilt : Brown, who is this woman?
Sgt. Brown : It's the producer's girlfriend, sir.
[To audience]
Sgt. Brown : You think I'm kidding?
