Jack and the Beanstalk (1952)
Lou Costello: Jack, Jack Strong
Photos
Quotes
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Jack : [singing] I fear nothing when I am in the right / Whoever pushes me around will find me full of fight.
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Jack : [about the Princess] We gotta save her.
Mr. Dinkelpuss : You're right.
Jack : There's the castle. Let's go.
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Come on. What am I doing? Go ahead.
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Jack : Mother, look, the beanstalk!
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Jack : [to Receptionist] I like girls like you, eyes of blue and five feet two.
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[repeated line]
Jack : Mr. Dinkelpuss!
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[last lines]
Jack Strong : [singing] I fear nothing when I do nothing wrong / And so I toddle on my way and sing a merry song.
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Jack : I've been a baby all my life.
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Polly the Housekeeper : [Polly, Jack and Dinklepuss enter the castle] I'll show you what you're supposed to do.
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Yeah, you show me, and I'll show him.
Patrick the Harp : Make the little fat one work till his back breaks. How I love the sound of cracking bones.
Jack : You're a bad harp, and you're gonna have a bad ending.
Patrick the Harp : Sticks and stones, sticks and stones!
Polly the Housekeeper : Alright blabbermouth, into the cupboard you go!
[Takes the harp over to the cupboard and starts putting him inside it]
Patrick the Harp : Don't you dare put me in that dark cupboard again! Don't you dare! A thousand curses on you, and I'll have me revenge! Come back to Erin, Mavourneen, Mavourneen! A thousand curses on ya...
[Polly closes the cupboard doors]
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Patrick the Harp : [the giant just entered the castle dining hall, carrying a bag filled with jewels] And a good "Good Morning" to ya master!
The Giant : Good morning, harp. Housekeeper, housekeeper!
[Polly enters as he's emptying the bag onto the table]
The Giant : Where's my breakfast?
Polly the Housekeeper : On the way.
The Giant : And bring me my favorite hen.
Patrick the Harp : What, heaven forbid, do you see in that white feathered biddy?
The Giant : Golden eggs, Patrick. Solid golden eggs!
Polly the Housekeeper : [Jack enters the room, pushing a grill, wearing a chef's hat and apron. Polly whispers in his ear] The cells are unlocked and I put the keys back.
Patrick the Harp : They're whispering master! What're they whispering about?
[Jack sneers at the harp]
Jack : Oh, I hate him.
Polly the Housekeeper : Please take care of yourself.
[Exits the room]
Jack : [Musing to himself] I think she's worried. She cares for me.
The Giant : Where's my breakfast?
[Looking over the jewels]
Patrick the Harp : Beautiful they are, but can they bring you happiness?
[the giant finds a very small one and tosses it on the floor]
The Giant : How'd that little one get in here?
[Getting impatient]
The Giant : Where's my breakfast?
Mr. Dinkelpuss : You heard the giant!
[Picks up the jewel the giant tossed and looks at it through a magnifying glass]
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Can I help you put them away?
The Giant : Can I trust you?
[Begins putting the jewels back in the bag]
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Eh, why, what a ridiculous question.
[the giant grabs him by the shirt and repeats the question]
The Giant : Can I trust you?
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Well frankly, no...
The Giant : [Polly has come back, carrying a hen. The giant takes it from her and starts petting it] My jewel of jewels!
Patrick the Harp : My jewel of jewels. What can she do that I can't do?
The Giant : [Looks over at the harp] Can you lay a golden egg?
Patrick the Harp : I shudder at the thought.
The Giant : [Lays the hen down on the table] Show him how talented you are. Lay hen, lay!
[after a moment it lays a golden egg, the giant picks it up]
Patrick the Harp : It's only gold.
The Giant : It's my main source of wealth.
[to Polly]
The Giant : Take her away.
[to Dinkelpuss]
The Giant : You!
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Y-yes, sir?
The Giant : I like a dishonest man, who admits it. Carry these jewels back to the vault. She'll show you where it is.
Mr. Dinkelpuss : Yes, sir.
[Takes the bag and leaves with Polly]
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Patrick the Harp : [Jack and the others are preparing to escape] Master, master, 'tis a black day indeed!
Jack : You keep your mouth shut, or I cut you to ribbons!