- Finally realizing that I would never actually learn how to act, I retired. I'm mighty proud of my epiphany, and I would imagine Hollywood is pleased, too. This differentiates me from professional politicians, who never ever seem to understand that they are dangerous and also silly.
- [on interpreting the constitution]: In New Hampshire, the Senate has decided by a rather narrow margin that our constitution actually means what it says. It's all about whether you can carry a gun if you want to, and the constitution says you absolutely can. The bill now goes to the House, where they will decide whether the constitution actually means what it says.
- [on obscenity]: If the FCC wants to ferret out obscenity, it should spend a day in the United States Congress.
- A politician not talking. Hasn't happened lately, but could. Maybe. Probably not.
- [The last column he wrote]: On a personal note, I was a professional actor for 30 years. This means that I learned my lines and showed up for work on time and did the best I could to entertain. Then I cashed the paycheck so I could take care of my family.
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