Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I felt like I had to protect myself from being
hurt from people that I love.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
You got a special guest to build a ninety million
records soul.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Sixteen times a Grammy winning musistant, Alicia Keith. You're going
to get to that pole. You see that light. After
the pole, You're gonna get to that light. You see
that tree after the light, You're going to get to
that tree. And I discover that that is how we
get where we're going. If it's something that you love,
go after it because it's meant for you.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
The number one health and wellness podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
Ja Scheddy, J. Shetty See one Only Sheddy.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you
come to become the happier, healthier and more healed. I'm
so grateful for the amazing conversations that I get to have,
which are all about human evolution, growth, purification, and cleansing.
Today's guest is someone who has talked about this at
length in an amazing memoir, in a document entries in

(01:00):
so many forms, and today I'm so excited that we
finally have her on the podcast in the flesh in person.
Although her voice and her energy speaks through the microphone
at any time. Today's guest is the one the only.
Alisha Keys, a sixteen time Grammy Award winning singer let
Me Say It Again, sixteen time Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter, musician, producer,

(01:25):
founder of Key Soul Care, which you'll be hearing about
today New York Times best selling author, film, television and
Broadway producer, as well accomplished actress, entrepreneur, and a powerful
force in the world of activism. Alisha is one of
the original founders of She Is The Music, an initiative
to create change for women and build an equal future

(01:46):
for music. Alisha has sold over sixty five million records,
over five billion streams, and built an unparalleled repertoire of
hits and accomplishments. Hell's Kitchen, the thirteen time I'm Tony
Award nominated original stage musical. Alicia diligently worked for thirteen
years to create Open on Broadway at the Schubert Theater

(02:09):
on April twentieth, twenty twenty four. Today we're talking about
Alicia's holistic beauty and skincare line, Key Soul Care, which
I can't wait for you all to try. Welcome to
On Purpose, Alicia keys.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
That's so weird, Like when you do all of that,
there's something about it that's just so fascinating and just wow.
And thank you for having me. And I can't believe
we're in a flesh for the first time on this show,
on this show, you know what I mean? This is
so good and I love your show and I love
your Your life's purpose is so beautiful. So thank you

(02:44):
for having me in your space. I'm loving this.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
You've been so wonderful to me over the years. Honestly,
we've had such a sweet relationship whenever we've collaborated, and
from day one, you've always been so giving. But seeing
as you reacted to them that way, I wonder whether
little Alicia, if she saw that that was her life ahead,
what would have been her reaction if she heard all
of those things were going to happen in her life?

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Like you lying, like you lying, right? I mean, you know,
as a kid, I really do remember having these dreams
and visions and desires and wishes, but you just don't
know what is going to come for you. You don't
know what's in your world or what's going to come

(03:33):
into your world. And I think a lot of times
we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves, and
so for self preservation and protection, we say, I mean,
it's probably not gonna be that way for me, or
you know, you know how it goes from you do
these things, and I remember doing these things, and it
wasn't until I stopped doing those things that things really

(03:56):
started to change. So I still have a piece of
insight of me that that is that little girl that's
kind of like, you know, you protect, You want to
protect what might go wrong, and so I find that
I do that sometimes, which maybe is what happened when
you just rattled off all those things, and I was
a little bit like, it's so crazy and weird and

(04:20):
strange and amazing at the same time.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, well, that's very relatable, I think for people to
hear that right now, to think that there was a
time in your life where doubts and anxiety and fear
would creep in. Further, it always exists for all of us,
but that it controlled a part of your life. What
were some of the doubts and fears and anxieties you
had growing up, whether it was to your dreams or
whether it was to life in general.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
You know what I mean about when you were out,
how about yesterday, you know what I mean, how about
like three days ago? Like as a kid growing up,
I think some of my fears really circulated around I
remember I felt I felt fear full that I wouldn't
or I felt like I had to protect myself from

(05:05):
being hurt from people that I loved. I remember that
that that was a that was a thing, and I
had to figure my way through that. There was a
sense of lack that I was worried about. I was
worried about this state of lack or not having enough money,
or not having enough, not being able to hold on
to what you started to get, or things like that.

(05:28):
I had to do a lot of work around that.
That was a lot. That was a big one because
I mean, you really can perpetuate that cycle just simply
by the fact that you believe it can happen, you know,
And so that was a big one. I think that,
you know, there's a there's a lot of there's a
lot of fear or anxiety or worry around rejection. You know,

(05:49):
there was a lot of that, especially as I started
to become more some a public figure where people, you know,
could kind of choose to like or dislike. There was
a it was. It's a difficult journey to understand that
you you're never gonna please everyone, period, and you're gonna
spend your all, You're gonna tear yourself apart trying to

(06:11):
like make sure every single thing is the way someone
else wants it to be. But I had a lot
of fear about that, and I really was. It was
a struggle for me and I, you know, I wanted
to be accepted. I wanted to be liked. I wanted
to be you know, I wanted to hear a positive
reflection back to me, you know, And so it took
a long time to kind of be like, yeah, I

(06:32):
don't I can't depend on that, you know. I have
to find my own stability. I have to find my
own intuition. I have to find what I believe in,
and at least I can stand on that. At least
I can say I really believe that one. You know,
if it didn't work out, but I really believed it,
and I'm proud of it, you know what I mean.
And that's a big one, you know, talk about even yesterday,

(06:55):
I mean Hell's Kitchen, where we talked about Hell's Kitchen,
which is my musical, which has been a big dream
in the making. There were moments where I'm like, is
this gonna work?

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Like?

Speaker 1 (07:04):
What if the whole I have this whole vision. I
know what I want, But what if for some reason,
the whole thing doesn't go the way I want? What
does that mean? I mean, you have many, many, many dollars,
You have investors that you promised them to trust you.
Can I carry this? Can I hold this? Can I

(07:25):
manifest this? Terrifying? I mean I would speak to my
kids about it just because I wanted them to know
that it's scary. You know, it's scary to dream. But
does that mean I'm not gonna dream it. I'm not
gonna try it? No, I have to. So tons of
things have been that I.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Feel like so many people who are listening right now
would say, at least I feel the same way. I
talk to myself in my head and I think I
can't do it. I'm not meant for it. It's it's
not gonna happen for me. And at the same time,
they have this voice inside of them that says, you're
made for more, You're made of more. I know I
need to believe in myself and we kind of feel

(08:05):
this internal battle. How did you What was the work
you had to do in order to go from someone
who was anxious, doubtful to become someone who manifested this beautiful, incredible,
full life. Not that it's easy that it came immediately,
but what was the work in the beginning stages that
you had to reorient your mind?

Speaker 1 (08:27):
That's a great question. I think one of the things
that I had to come to terms with is that
pretty much nothing is going to come in the timeframe
that you think it's going to come. So that's and
that's helpful because I think a lot of us are
you know. I mean, we're in such a digital space
and we see all these things, and we're bombarded with
all these images, and we're bombarded with all these kind

(08:50):
of like carefully crafted posts of perfection, and you get
freaked out about it, right, But I'm you know, and
fortunately I didn't really have to grow up looking at that,
so I empathize deeply with this generation. We have to
evolve as young people on a whole other level. Then

(09:11):
I even had to navigate. But what I mean by
and why it relates is I did I felt like
I've grew up in New York City. Everybody's a hustler.
You gotta go fast, you gotta make it happen, you
gotta stay up all night and get up cracking dawn.
And it's not gonna happen if you don't. And I realized, wait,
you know, as hard as I try to push the

(09:33):
thing forward, when it's time, it's time. And if it's
not time, it don't matter what I do. It doesn't
no matter how much sleep I don't get, it's not
going to be time until it's time. And so I
think that that steadiness of like kind of you just
have to put one foot in front of the other,
is just as simple as that. And I remember when

(09:53):
I did my first marathon. I ran in Greece, and
I figured I'd never do another marathon, so I might
as well do something forgettable. But I could. I couldn't
figure out how it's gonna make it. Everything hurt, my
feet hurt, my back hurt, my lower back hurt, my
abs hurt, my body ached, and I couldn't figure out
how am I gonna get there? And I remember I

(10:14):
was running with my friend who trained with me and
helped me, and he said, you see that pole, You're
gonna get to that pole. You see that light after
the pole, You're gonna get to that light. You see
that tree after the light, You're gonna get to that tree.
And it was literally that, step by step, and so
I discovered that that is how we get where we're going,

(10:36):
like this increment of small, determined moments. And so I
think that as well as coupled with taking that negative
talk out of your space, like being very conscious it happens,
it's in your head, you hear it, You're like, tell
yourself the opposite thing. I mean, that's how I started

(10:58):
to really get into affirmations, which I realized that I
had to create what I wanted to hear. And oftentimes
it's so many times it's the barrage of everyone else's
doubts and fears. And your parents you inherited theirs, and
you inherited all your peers things, and you got all
these things insidety, they're not even yours. And so I

(11:21):
had to create this connection with affirmations that allowed me
to say what I wanted to hear. And so I
had to become very mindful to notice the negative so
that I could replace it, And when I did that,
it really changed everything. It changed a bunch and I
had to stop saying things that I heard my mother say.
I had to stop saying things that I heard whoever

(11:42):
else I trusted say, because it wasn't serving me, because
she had picked up some stuff that I didn't need
to pick up. I didn't need to hold it. Stuff
like that has been How how many marathons have you done? Now,
I've done too, and a degreece and I did New York.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
And I realized the craziest thing. I realized that what
I was experiencing, that ache, that pain, that lower back,
and I think it was childbirth.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
I didn't know that because the first time I hadn't
given birth. But when I gave birth, I recognized the
sensations and it was similar to a marathon.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
It was kind of crazy, but there was a strength
there that, you know, was really empowering. So only two.
My brother's trying to get me do another one. I'm like, nah, be,
I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
My wife stayed in London this year for the first
time she's been training.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
It's cool when you do it, it's phenomenal and you really,
you really discover that. It's that your mind is stronger
than your physical being, and you really can find this
place that you didn't know you could.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Absolutely. What was your affirmation this morning?

Speaker 1 (12:50):
M My affirmation depends on the day, right, So today
my affirmation is just I'm going to be on time
because I struggle to get my kids to school on time.
It's killing me. My my youngest son has just changed
schools and he's going to another, so so now I'm

(13:11):
taking both kids to two separate places. I'm struggling. And
my second affirmation is I forgive myself. It's okay, like grace,
have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. It's not
like you're messing around and doing whatever. You're really trying
your best and you're gonna figure out the rhythm of
this thing. Have some grace.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
I love those. They're so practical. I think all of
us can do all of them right. They're great. Yeah,
And the time one's funny because it rends with my mom.
My mom had to do the same for me and
my sister because all boys schools, you' went to an
old girls school, and so my mom would have to
drop her and then drop me all the other way around.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
Sometimes it is it's more than a notion. You think
I could do this if I just leave by this time,
and for whatever reason, that time comes and goes over
and over. So it's all good.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
But I love how simple that is. Like I think
a lot of people all think affirmations always have to
be this profound, like incredible statement, and you're like, it's
just to be on time, and it's to forgive myself.
And that's so real, because we need to forgive ourselves
every day.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yeah, it's okay, it's okay, it's really okay. So you know,
because you want the best, you want the best for yourself,
you want the best for your family, you want the
best outcome, you know, and it all comes from a
good place. But I think sometimes we can beat ourselves
up so badly about things that you know, we can
just give ourselves a little bit of a break and

(14:32):
we can start again and try again.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
And Okay, what was the last thing you beat yourself
up about really badly where you were like, I really
made myself feel comfortable, you.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
Know, I really try not to do that. I really do,
Like I really I feel like I have a pretty
good sense of self and I feel like I have
a pretty good sense also of like reality, and so
I don't over obsess and I don't over kind of like,

(15:02):
I'm not overly mean to myself. But I did think
about that the other day and I did I did this.
I didn't put it up yet, but I did this.
I do these things called piece of piece and and
I call this speak to me nice, because you're not
gonna let someone else talk to you just any type

(15:22):
of way. You're like, excuse me, how did you just
you just speak to me nice? But you yourself will speak
to yourself in these crazy ways. And so I kind
of was like just reflecting on you telling yourself, me
telling myself speak to me nice, like talk to me
with kindness and love. I learned that from my son

(15:44):
a lot, because my youngest he is he's he's like,
there's a little tough on himself, and I'm like, hey,
speak to yourself nice. And so I think that is
something that that I've learned how to embody. And I
really try not to spin out too much, but you know,
there are times of course you just you know you,
but I'm like this is really doing no good. I'm

(16:05):
really freaking out, and I was just like, why what
are we doing in this space? In this cycle? Sometimes
you got to freak out, though, Yeah, because you got
to learn something from it. You have to like take
away whatever that is or that energy or that person
who's spinning you like that, or that trigger that's triggering
you like that, and you do have to kind of
spin out just to be like WHOA that actually gets

(16:26):
to me a lot why I've been learning a lot
of that too.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Yeah, there's a I always like to remind people that
guilt blocks growth, and shame doesn't help you shift, and
judgment doesn't help you transform. Guilt blocks growth completely. It
makes you wallow more in your guilt, and shame makes
you feel stuck and shackled by it. Yes, and transformation

(16:53):
is stunted when we're not able to be nice, kind,
give ourselves grace. And it's funny because we all think
we can guild ourselves into moving. But I kill myself enough,
then maybe I'll change.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
I'll be motivated maybe, and maybe you.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Will for like a couple of days, but over time
it runs out. If you shame yourself into change, maybe
for a couple of days you'll eat better, work out more,
whatever it is that you have your personal challenges with,
but it's not sustainable, Like shame and guilt are not
sustainable emotions and they run out of steam very quickly.
And I was thinking about something that you've spoken about before,

(17:30):
is your journey with your own skin, and like how
you've had skin anxiety. And I know at one point
you went completely like no makeup at one period of
time in your life. And then now of course you
have this. You know, you're in the beauty industry now
as well, and you really care about how people care
about their internal and the casing that we all have.

(17:52):
And I know that you, you know, live a conscious, spirited life,
which I really want to dive into. But I think
often those of us who live spirit your lives, we
can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body,
and you can.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
You can kind of disconnect, disconnect from it.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted
to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin?
That was something that brought you anxiety?

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Oh my gosh, I mean confident in skin. I mean
it was forever, it was literally forever that I really
struggled with my with my skin and you know, you're
a teenager and your hormones and you get it and
it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I was
like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and then

(18:38):
I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty, and
then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA,
when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen,
twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was
really hard to especially to be in spaces where you
would present yourself and you would feel just so self

(18:59):
can I just felt so self conscious and I'm like,
but there's a big bump right here, And then most
people are like, I don't even see the damn bump.
But I see the bump right here, and it's huge,
and it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable.
You want to know why too, You want to know
what's the matter? Is something wrong? Why? I thought, I'm

(19:23):
what can I do to help this? And so that
definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in
the music world when I was eighteen, and so that
was right kind of at the precipice, and then the
stress of the whole universe of music was just so
much and I was trying my best to play it
cool and like I can handle it. I can do it.

(19:45):
But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.
I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders
and try to you know, kind of like be calm
while or cool while doing it, and it was tricky
and my skin. I learned that my body react to stress.
Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts

(20:07):
to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which
is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress,
because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which
is why it is so important for us to figure out,
like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what

(20:28):
makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin
and you're yourself and these type of things. And so
of course I didn't know what that was for a
long time, but I realized that it was these relationships
I was attracting, and it was the you know, the
level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no

(20:49):
space for me to reflect, or to sleep, or to
be with my friends. And you know, do those have
those outlets that do give you a sense of calm,
and so my skin was so reactive that I said,
one day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna
make something that fixes this, this, I'm gonna do something

(21:15):
about this, because I know I'm not the only one.
And I realized as I began to you know, live
and experience so many different parts of my life, motherhood
and you know, raising young kids and finding time for
yourself really and getting rid of those toxic energies that
were attacking me in real life. I realized that you

(21:37):
really have to take care of your soul, like you
have to take care of your soul. So this philosophy
of soul care really came from all of these understandings
and all of these realizings that no one's going to
do it for me. Like no, as much as I
really really wish someone would stand up and be like you,
you're not good for her, get out of here, that

(21:59):
thing you you need to stop, No, I have to
be the judge of that, and therefore I have to
find my way to the understanding of how do I
hear myself to know what is good and what is not,
or what is real or what is true. And so
there were many things that brought me to that place.
Some of them were meditations that brought me there and
really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of

(22:21):
them were just practicing the art of like, no, what
do you think? No, I know six friends said this,
or I know that very strong energy that always tells
everybody what they think said this, But what do you think?
And that became the practice of soul care, and also
these ideas of ancient rituals and what are some special

(22:44):
ways that we can have peace and calm? And I
was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings.
I was attracted to journaling. And I have a very
difficult time as a kid. I had a difficult time
expressing my truth. And I realized that when I would
leernal or do the stream of consciousness, I could. I
could actually just release it. I could let it go.
And if I'm not good at doing that to someone

(23:06):
else because I didn't trust as fully, I can do
it with myself, you know. And so these practices of
how do you kind of like depend on yourself to
find your own grounding became my idea of what soul
care is, which eventually became how I said, I'm going
to make that thing to fix that thing became this

(23:26):
key soul care. And the idea is, to me, it's
a philosophy, it's a way of life. It's a lifestyle
to me. You know, you know, the beauty industry or
the skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of
it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos,
and so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us.

(23:47):
Normally it's a blessing if someone does, but normally it's
not so finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea
of really connecting to yourself and using the affirm are
on every battle. Because the ideas you a wash your face,
you do that every day with the golden cleanser. You
can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment

(24:08):
because so many times we're over here, over there, back there.
How can you just be right here with yourself right now?
And so the idea is like creating this mixture of
ancient rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care
because we have air care, hair care, and nail care,
body care, home care, but we never had soul care.
Why so I want to start it.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more.
As someone who was very negligent of a lot of
this stuff like growing up and not really thinking about it,
I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right.
I think, even when it comes to cleansing my face,
what that means, what that feels like, how different I

(24:54):
feel internally because of it, How it can be a
reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as
well as that which is around me. There's so much
of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that
that I think we lose and we don't realize how
interconnected they all are. Well, you were saying about stress,
I found really powerful because so for me, my stress

(25:17):
shows up as tightness in my body, like I feel
my stress is like it gets strawed in my neck
or my shoulders and then I'm just feeling tight. Even
though I was like, I didn't know I was stressed.
I didn't know what I was going through. And as
you're saying, for some people it shows up in their skin.
I was going to ask you, there's a bit of
an addiction. We also have to stress and drama, And

(25:39):
there's this feeling sometimes where we prefer it when we
have stress and busyness, and we're workaholics and we like
the drama, and almost when there's peace, we almost get
confused and lost because the exactly we get scared, right,
So what would you say to someone who's actually they'd
listen to us right now and they're like, wow, I
just realized that that's why I am. I actually like

(26:02):
I choose stress.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Because do you think people come to that realization.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
I don't think people do it consciously, but I think
unconsciously when I sit with people, they'll find that their
inherited choice is to naturally stay busy, work a lot,
create drama in their relationship, whatever it is, because we're
more used to it, not because we're bad people or
because we're wrong, but because we kind of feel familiar.

(26:32):
And I'll give you the opposite example. I have lots
of friends who will be like, oh, I'm dating this
guy and it's really peaceful on board, and so there's
that right where people actually have like peace and stillness
and connection. We're like, yeah, yeah, there's nothing to talk about.
So I don't think it's something that people do on purpose,
and I don't think it's something that people even do
it consciously, but I think we do like to stay

(26:53):
busy and stressed to some degree. Okay, I am so
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(27:17):
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(27:42):
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Speaker 1 (27:45):
I am familiar with that as well, and I'm kind
of was just telling you that I had the best
summer and it was my first summer where you know,
the last two summers I was on tour and obviously
those are just such a monster universe to try to
like harness and this summer was just like I was like,
I am creating peace this summer. I am doing the
things that everything I can imagine I want to do,

(28:07):
I'm doing it this summer. And it was really liberating,
really liberating. But it also does reflect to myself back
to your point, the connection to the busyness equaling success
or the busyness equaling you know, something positive, when surely

(28:28):
there's positivity there for sure. But there is an addiction
that I think comes with this idea of having to
fill every minute and fill every second. And also there's
the avoidance that we're all likely experiencing where we don't
really want to face all the things underneath the things.
So if we stay as busy as possible, we are

(28:49):
like literally we don't even have time to think about
those things or to reflect on those things. And so
I do understand that lifestyle because I feel like, for
quite a while I didn't even I would just say
yes because I'm used to saying yes, yes, right, and
I've and I realized, wait, okay, you don't have to

(29:11):
say yes, So do you want to say yes? Do
you actually want to say yes? Or do you just
feel obligated to say yes for any number of reasons.
So I think it's very powerful. I think you're right there.
There's totally the drama that we are. We've been conditioned.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
That's what I would right to.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
It's around us, it's what we see every day. We've
seen our parents experience it in different ways, We've seen
our friends go through it in different ways, and therefore
that becomes the normal for us. And when we kind
of crave it, we become addicted to it even without
knowing it. So I think that practice of like that

(30:01):
perhaps is one of the opening when you said, how
did you get to a place where you could, you know,
find yourself in a where you are? I think part
of that practice really did have to come to spending
time with myself. And I made every excuse why I
couldn't spend time my kids. I can't do it my kids,
you know, I can't leave them by themselves. I can't
do it because I gotta you know, who else is

(30:22):
going to do. I gotta feed the family, you know,
we gotta do and they all seem valid. Makes sense
to me, Yeah, that's true. Your kids. You should probably
make sure your kids are good. And if I don't
make sure I'm good how can I make sure anybody
is good? Ever, And so spending time with myself was.
I fought against it so much, but when I started

(30:45):
to do it, I realized that I was more powerful
than i'd ever been, and I was faster. I was
able to do things quicker and more efficiently because I
was so cloudy, you know, And that was cool. That
was cool when you start to feel that where you're like, oh,
I don't have to spend so much time doing whatever

(31:07):
action because I actually know what I want to dol
blah blah blah blah, and I'm decisive. Man. I felt
so good. I'd never felt decisive before in my life.
I'd never felt clear without thousands of other opinions. I
never felt like my own self, So that was big.
But spending time with myself was, I believe one of

(31:29):
the keys to that.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yeah, when I'm hearing you talk about how much we
have to filter from the outside world, you mentioned a
few times your parents, people's parents, like a lot of
a lot comes from our parents. And I know you
spoke about so beautifully in your book that I got
the interview about which I love that. It was such
a it is such a beautiful memoir that you wrote
thank years back, and I was wondering what I always

(31:52):
think about our parents giving us gifts and gaps, and
they give us certain gifts and they leave certain gaps,
and we end up in our whole life trying to
get other people to fill those gaps and give us
the same gifts, and it creates a lot of good
things and issues. So I was going to ask you,
what would you say the gifts you got from your
mother and father and what were the gaps that they

(32:13):
left and how did they affect you?

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Oo? Okay, let me sit up for a se takes
my shirt real quick. The gifts, the gift one of
the gifts that I got from my mother, I would say,
is her It's her strength. I feel like I really,
I really bore witness to a woman who was like

(32:37):
not to be like she just really and I don't
know if she wore that as an armor, you know,
or what that was, but I found her to be
quite like like straight and clear and strong and there
was kind of no getting around it, and you kind

(32:58):
of just knew, Okay, this is what it is. And
I feel like I really received a lot from that
as a woman, as a young woman, as a woman
who would have to be at the forefront of her
own life and career and really have to be in
my space of power, be around a lot of people
that want to take your power, still your light, you know,
lead you in the wrong spaces. I had to kind

(33:20):
of be in my strength, and I did receive that
from her. What I received from my father was I
think I think I also received a level of self
determination because I had a unique relationship. My mother and

(33:42):
my father were not married or together, and so one
I had to learn that that's actually not unique or different.
You know, there's not some kind of like family structure
that's like the main one. I think we get the
painted that picture so much and then we feel so true,
we feel uncomfortable that ours doesn't look like that. But
so I had to kind of know who I was

(34:05):
also even in our relationship, and so I got a
sense of self as well. Sense of self. The gap
from the sense of self that I received from my
father was probably maybe some feelings of not being worthy.
So I received some of that I had to restructure

(34:27):
my brain around, and from my mother, I think I
got a sense of fixing. I had to fix everything
because in a lot of ways, if she was strong
and angry, I had to be like soft and accommodating
and kind of fix the situation. And so I think

(34:49):
I received some of that, which I also had to
real wire. No, no, no, I can't fix everything. I just can't,
And I can't be in my relationships like that because
that's not gonna work. Man took lots of time, But
those are my gifts and my guests. I'm asking that
to many people. This is a great question.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Yeah, I think it has such a We don't realize
how much of an impact it has on every relationship
that comes after those relationships with our parents, and how
it becomes like the guiding map of our whole life.
And then you look back and you go, why am
I expecting someone to give me this gift? It's like,
because my parents gave me it. Now I want everyone
that loves me to show me they love me in

(35:30):
this way, and I want them to fill this exact gap.
And if they don't fill this gap, then they don't
love me. And because that was where that's self worth
you are saying of like, because if you were made
to feel unworthy in a certain way, then you think
anyone who doesn't show you love in that way, then
they don't think you're worthy. But they may not they're
not aware of the gift and the gap and there

(35:51):
as well. So that's the Yeah, it's a lot, it's
a lot. And I mean obviously you've been married for
what fourteen years now? Yes, that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
We're like, whoa, that's crazy, it's brilliant. We love it.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Love, Yeah, I always whenever I see. But if you
seem so happy and joyous and you know, complimentary to
each other, I think what I found really fascinating in
relationships is what people end up teaching each other. What
would you say Swiss has been able to teach you
and what have you taught him?

Speaker 1 (36:20):
He's definitely taught me how to be like much more
in the flow, Like it's all about kind of the
magic of the moment and allowing the flow, like just
slide into the slipstream let it happen, like, let it happen.
That's been a big lesson he's given me. And what

(36:41):
I've been able to give him is probably a little
bit more of like let's design what we want to have,
you know, as we're letting it happen. Let's also like
design it and craft it and strategize it and create
it and schedule it so that it can really really happen.
And I love how we balance each other like that.

(37:02):
There's been just so much growth between us and so
in such a positive way because we really do compliment
each other, so it feels natural in those ways.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
So I'm you and my wife Swizz, so I'm like
that very inherntional, very like I'm like strategy designed, intentional
life and she's just like this, Yeah. But I want
to ask you, is those things seem like they're at
loggerheads with each other right, Like they seem like on

(37:31):
the outside, that would seem like, well, if he's like,
go with the flow and you're like, yeah, but we
need to know what we're doing, that sounds like a
terrible matchup. Like that sounds like a fight ready to
you know, explode, waiting to happen. Yeah, an explosion, because
that's completely contradictory in terms of him being in flow
and same with RADI like being completely this bundle and

(37:53):
ball of energy and joy and then we're both trying
to be more thoughtful and strategic. So how does that
how have you allowed each other to operate as who
you are and take without feeling like someone's trying to
change you or that you've got to be someone else
or they've got to be someone else.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Yeah, No, I think it's I think it's a good point. Well,
first of all, I don't think. I think actually it
tends to work better when there's two different perspectives, right,
because if you think exactly what I think and I
think exactly what you think, then we might get to
that place of boredom or to discussed. But what I
took from what you said on board, I took almost
like there's not a stimuli, right, There's not like the

(38:34):
stimulation that comes sometimes and I think that might happen
if you're almost too similar. There's a stimulation from meeting
and opposition and meeting like a different way of thinking
and then having to think about it and put it
into your world. So so yeah, I think that the
flow is just because I love how he thinks, and

(38:56):
how he thinks is so uniquely him and it does
inspire me, and yet I can still be connected to
my own and similar lee. I think how I think
does inspire him. He says, let me think about that more.
Let me put a little more thought into how we're
doing this, and yet doesn't have to take him from
his own. So ever since the day our vows were

(39:17):
about this idea of loving with an open hand, there's
a beautiful thought of loving with an open hand. And
you know that everyone should be free to fly as
they want to fly. It should never be a closed
hand over around someone, you know, it should be this
open hand. And so we really have always looked at

(39:39):
it like that. He'll always say, she's an own boss.
I don't have anything to do with whatever she's choosing.
Don't call me and asked me to try to get her.
I can't. She's her own boss, So talk to her
about whatever that might be. And and so there's always
been that respect there that we each have our own
way of flowing. And it works. It works.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's beautiful to hear. And I love that. Did you
write there was that poem that you came across.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
I can remember where that came from, but I wrote
a song about it that never came out, no way, Yeah,
And I always loved that metaphor.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
So do I. Just as when you were moving your
hands for anyone who's not watching right, Alicia was moving
her hands from being open to like holding one of
her hands closed.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
And we do that, We like stifle each other and
hold each other and demand these things and don't want
people to be free to express and feel fear and
worry when people are bright and shining, and we feel,
you know, sometimes afraid of that that they would somehow
not need us anymore or not want us anymore. And

(40:43):
you know, but there's this beautiful thing of just being
this equanimity that's what I've always experienced with him. It's
like this equanimity between us that I've never felt anywhere else,
and it's natural. We just have a similar frequency that
we vibrate on and it just works. And I've been
in situations where it's like, man, I kind of have

(41:06):
to keep I can come out here with me, or
I have to go you know, find that, but it's
like we're not quite on the same level. And so
that means something, you know, finding that frequency that vibrates
with you is a thing.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Yeah. No, I love that. I wrote a chapter of
my last book called your partner is Your Guru, and
it's that I feel that way, like you know, and
I think that the quality that required so much in
long term relationships is humility, and it's the hardest quality
to have with your partner. Often where we have our

(41:40):
biggest egos and we say this is the person we
love the most, but they're the person we have the
least humility with, Like if they don't like what we're wearing,
or if they give us feedback or that's it hurts
the most because it so so pure. Yeah, yes, good
point stops us sometimes from opening up, as you're talking about,

(42:02):
as you have been able to like. It stops you
from sometimes learning from that person because you think your
ways the right way, or that what you learned and
what you inherited was the right way to solve a problem.
Especially I'm imagining when you have kids.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
That's what turn of verse because we do find ourselves
in those circumstances where naturally something that he might feel
is quite different from what I might feel in regards
to the kids. And you know, I think that anytime
that's happened, I can reflect that there surely has is

(42:38):
a better way of communicating what it is, and I
find that that is the most powerful part. How do
you choose to communicate with the people that you love
is really the key to kind of life. Like literally
that that energy that you're giving and how you're choosing
to communicate will make the difference between you know, something

(42:58):
where you both can evolve. Both can say I get it,
I see what you mean, and you can see what
I mean, and we can kind of find our way
through it or of their argument. This is just a pain,
and you gotta you know, you gotta do all that.
Which we actually don't argue. We have a we don't
we don't argue. Surely we get upset or we disagree,

(43:19):
but there's not like a yelling and screaming and an
arguing and a chaos and a slamming and a throwing.
There's not that. Like we respect each other too much
for that. And I really appreciate that that that's the
energy because I do also appreciate that many people have
to or choose to or find themselves in the place
of experiencing that type of you know, interaction, and man,

(43:44):
I mean that is just so stressful and hard all around.
So I'm proud that we can like find that that
place and it is possible, Yeah, it is possible.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Well, it sounds like you've both been quite intentional about
your relationship from your vows from the beginning of like
what does this look like and what are the barriers
around disagreements? Like we're allowed to disagree. We're allowed to
and the same with me in my way, we have
a rule as well, like no yelling, no raising the voice,
no obviously nothing physical, but like there has to be

(44:14):
a very clear way of solving this, and we're allowed
to disagree. We're allowed to end on completely two different
sides of a conversation. We don't have to end with
the perfect resolution. It may not be the way, but
we don't have to get there in a violent, aggressive
or tension filled way through our words or our actions
or our how loud we are, because that pushes the

(44:36):
person away so much. I've read this poem that was
talking about when people argue, they have to shout and
scream because that's how distant their souls are. And so
even though you're standing right in front of them, so
far away from you that you have to shout in
order to communicate, but you don't realize that that just

(44:57):
pushes them further away. That actually if you whispered and
you were quiet, and you would actually draw them closer.
That's a bar, yeah, and so it's you know, I
love that. I love that metaphor, and I can't. I
need to hear this song that you've read about the hands.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
I find it. I'll find it, at least i'll send
it to you, but i'll find that.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
I really like it.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Special. It's a special song. I wrote it when I
came back from Egypt, and so it's a while ago,
but I took that a special trip to Egypt, and
I did a lot of songwriting right after that, and
that was kind of one of them. And it was
actually in honor of my godmother, who did experience quite
an abusive relationship. And so the line was the tightest
grip is an open hand.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
I love that. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. How do you
decide that a song doesn't come out? Like? How does?
How does? Because how many songs does an artists make? That? Never?
So many like in your in your lifetime? Like how
many songs? Never would would someone have? Never?

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Three hundred?

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Wow? Yeah, So that's like twenty albums with so.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
Many, so many that just you know, half done or
you know, didn't quite just come together or just didn't
have that special thing enough to go to the next level,
or time passes in your relationship to yourself is changing,
So what you were, what you were expressing at one
point just doesn't represent where you are now, and so
then that kind of has its own. In fact, one

(46:27):
of my albums, Keys has a song on it called
is It Insane? And Keys came out in like twenty
twenty three, and Is It Insane was written in like
two thousand. It's like it was, but it was not
ready until that moment and then it was ready. So

(46:48):
back to that whole thing where nothing's ever ready when
you think it's time and then finally you're like, oh
it's time, I get it.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, and times usually you're So when you said that earlier,
I thought of it. I was like, time is actually
what puts them onto everything. If we say I have
to have achieved this by this age, that's now the
anxiety because if it took twenty three years, it took
twenty three years and you got there in the end, right,
But if you said this has to be ready this year,
that's what put anxiety on everything. And I was thinking

(47:17):
about that. You're so right that when I make something
not on the universe's time and not on divine timing,
and it's on my timing.

Speaker 1 (47:27):
That's when you're stressed.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
That's what I'm stressed about.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
It freaking out.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Yeah, And of course there are things you have to
like if you have contracts and commitments and you.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
Have to get it in a time, yeah, you do
your best.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
Yeah, But it's when we're asking or trying to manifest
things that we put time on. It changes what you
were saying you love crystals earlier, I was wondering what's
your favorite crystal and where did you find it? How
did you learn about them? I feel like you have
such a deeply spiritual side and I want to hear
about it because I don't think we've dived into this before.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
I love That's a good one man. Okay, So where
did my love for crystals come first? I think that
I learned that going to these crystal shops. There's something
so beautiful about the process. And I remember doing a
beautiful book called The Artist's Way Julia Cameron. I believe

(48:19):
her name is like tried in true book, like classic,
and one of the things that was beautiful about it
is she says, take yourself on an artist's date. So
once a week you were meant to take yourself on
an artist date, which meant you couldn't go with no
one except yourself, and you had to think of what
would serve you on that date, which is quite hard

(48:39):
for many of us. Like what will make me happy?
Would I like to go in crystal shops? Is what
I discovered was one of the things. I loved it.
I loved the peace and the serenity. I loved exploring
every name. I found that if I went to one,
it would be exactly the one I needed. I would
just look at the way it looked, I would pick

(49:00):
it up. I'm like, that's what I need right now.
I need more courage, I need more, I need more manifestation,
I need more clarity. When I did take my trip
to Egypt that we talked about, I learned that the
native it was native to where we were was the
Lupus Lazui that blew powerful stone, and I just became
fascinated with it. So the more that I discovered, the

(49:23):
more that crystals became a part of my life. Even
in my son's pocket, I'll put a crystal if he's
feeling worried or if he's feeling like or if he
needs a little grounding, I'll put a crystal in his
pocket or I'll tell him hold it, just because I
do know there is something about the power of crystals,
and that, in fact is one of the most kind
of secret parts of Key's soul care because the crystals

(49:45):
are infused into the offerings, and we have these these
beautiful offerings called the illuminating cerum, which I just love
because we need to illuminate as much as possible, and
they are really based on these crystals. So one's the
woundstone aura, and that is so good manifestation. One is
the bronzeite aura and that is all about courage, and

(50:08):
one is the the the quartz the golden courts aura,
and that's and that is so each one has these
powers that even you should put on your body in
your universe. And I just love that because there is
such a there is a strength, there is a power,
there is a mysticism, there is a There are these
ancient rituals, like our ancestors did these things hundreds and

(50:32):
hundreds of years ago, and we've somehow sometimes lost touch
with those rituals in those ancient ways. And so I
love discovering them, and they really give me a sense
of like, I feel like I have something in my
pocket that's like it's gonna help me and I really
really love it. Or on my on my body.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Yeah, now you can put it on your money.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
It feels like and it illuminates you. So it also
gives you that glow that's just really already even within you. Yeah,
that's the point.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
No, I love that you've infused it in the offerings,
because I feel like I too love that. Like I
sometimes you see a crystal and you're just drawn to it,
or you see a gem and you're just drawn to it,
and you can't explain it because it's not like you
were into that color or you're into that shape, and
all of a sudden, you're just like, why am I
attracted to this thing?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Because you need it?

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Because you need it exactly. And I think we've lost
the ability to trust ourselves on what we need because
everything's become didactic and tactical and kind of too formulated.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
I'm very moved by this because as we were just
talking about kids, and you know, as a parent, you
think about we do take we can we have the
power to take the trust from people when they feel

(52:01):
like they can't trust themselves because we judge them on
something that they've decided. And we do this as adults
to each other. We do this as parents the kids.
We do this as friends, you know, and we do
this thing where we judge a person, and now we've
taken away a bit of their trusting themselves because they
feel like this person made fun of me when I

(52:25):
did this. I won't do that. But your instinct was
to do this, and you loved it when you did it.
You were happy, you were excited, you were giddy. And
perhaps we allow people to steal that from us. But
many times we're not in a position of awareness, so
we just find that we then distrust ourselves. And I
think that's a big one, because how can we start

(52:47):
to trust ourselves again. How can we practice like, no, no,
this is good for me. You might not like it.
It's cool. You don't have to do it. I'm not
telling you to do it. I'm telling you I'm doing it.
And I think that's really important, and I hope that
we can first be a little bit more conscious of
always injecting our opinion on everybody as parents, as friends,

(53:11):
as you know, elders, and secondly to as as the
people who have to navigate our way through that, remembering
that if that was our first instinct and we felt
joy with it, you know, then there's something in there
to learn or explore or find the coloring or curiosity
and and and I want us to do I want

(53:31):
us to not forget that. Yeah, that's a big one.
You just said.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
No, you so well said. I couldn't agree with you more.
And I remember when I first trained to be a coach,
the number one training was how you don't project your
life and your limits onto anyone. Like that's the core
skill because that's all we do all day. Like someone
says their idea and we project off of you to it. Right,

(53:55):
Like someone's like, hey, I want to be a singer
like Alicia, and you're.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
Like, yeah, that's traveling you might as well.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
Yeah, And it's like, but you have no idea what
they're saying. You don't. You're not listening to them, there's
no there's no learning, and you're just projecting what you feel.
Or someone says I think I'm quitting my job and
pursuing my passion on this thing, and you're like no, no, no,
don't do that, like that's risky, and it's like, well,
maybe it's maybe they don't need it. Yeah, maybe it's needed.
Maybe risk is okay for them. And but we're so
quick and you're so right that our friends are family,

(54:22):
and we we do that to others and we do
to our partners as well, Like when they're just saying, hey,
you know what, I think I need a weekend off
this weekend and you're like, no, maybe there's a few
things you need to get done, and they're actually and
you're so what you said so beautifully is we stop
people from trusting themselves. Like I think that really resonated
with me, and I think that's why I feel the

(54:45):
fact that you've infused all these crystals into your offerings.
I love that because it's it's a daily reminder of trusting.
Yes that when you I always say this to people,
I'm like, we don't use our senses enough. Like the
scent is so powerful, right, and your products smell amazing

(55:07):
and the sense amazing, and it's like we underestimate how
much we know what we need by scent. Like I
love it. I remember when I first got a massage
and they brought out all the different oils. Oh, they
said which one, and they were like, you know by smelling,
and I was like, what does that mean? And then
you do it and then you're like, oh, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
I do know.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
I do know that I need number three, which has
lavender and eucalyptus or whatever it is, because I'm seeking
rest and relaxation, or I do need citrus because I'm
seeking energy. And you know right, But we don't use
that scent. We don't use our power of scent, of
sight of sound to know what we need.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
And the part that I love about what you said
and the knowing the affirmation on the illuminating serum is
I give myself permission to glow because I just so
many times we just we stunt the growth, or we
stunt the glow, or we feel embarrassed by the fact
that we are you know, right, and or we to

(56:08):
your point about the addiction to the negative, like if
we are feeling good, how many times have you felt
good but your friend wasn't feeling so good, so you
kind of they might say, well, how are you feeling,
You're like, I'm all right, but you're really actually great
and you're actually glowing and I think sometimes we dim
you know, I know we dim our light, which is

(56:29):
another affirmation on the on the candle, is you know
this idea of not dimming your light, like don't dial
it back, you know, because we do it, and it's
only because we don't we want to be kind to
the people that were around. But I think there's an
inspiration that comes from giving yourself permission to glow. There's

(56:52):
the empowerment that a person looks at you and says
they don't they look like and I want to feel
like that, Like I'm gonna do more of that, you know,
giving yourself that permission. I love that. I really it's
a really special reminder.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
What are your go to rituals when you are having
a day that it's just hard, stressful, tough, demanding. What's
your go to, non negotiable set of rituals that at
least your keys turns to.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
When when it's really, yeah, it's really tough. I definitely
find that one of my go tos is for sure
a meditation. Just find that I try my best to
meditate frequently so that I do find that that balances you.
You don't have to kind of fix what's happening. You
find the continuity with the balance. But I do find

(57:43):
that when I need it, I really I really relate
to a meditation. It kind of just brings me back
to the center. It brings me back to again that quietness.
I get a second of quiet. Even if I have
to wake up before the kids. I'm gonna wake up
at five thirty, so I can have twenty minutes of
just like or I'm gonna make up at five point

(58:03):
forty five, whatever it is. And I really find that
settles my spirit because usually if I'm having a tough one,
I'm not sleeping well either because it's just like the
internal noise and all those things. So I really I
really love the ground there. I will journal. I find
that the journaling is also really again I've always had

(58:26):
to just kind of release things more freely than I
find I can do it other people. So that really helps.
A really good workout. Key, keep get me sweating, get
me kind of like you know, just like feel your
power of your body. That helps me a lot. Then
of course I'm gonna wash my face, I'm gonna release.

(58:47):
As we talked about the Golden Cleanser's gonna let me
like let it go. I have this beautiful, rich transformation cream,
and on it it says I welcome all circumstances as
a catalyst for chain, and so I can probably reflect
on the fact that this doesn't this isn't bad or good.
This is just a catalyst to change something. And then

(59:10):
I get my illuminating sermony because I'm going to be
glowing and I'm giving myself the permission. And I do
love a bath. I do love a bath. I do
love you know, back to the oils or the herbs,
I find that even the crystals can come into play
if I need to just kind of like release something.
And definitely the intentions and the affirmations come into play

(59:32):
because I find that whatever's bothering me, i'll kind of
it's something that's challenging me. Maybe I don't want to
fail at something, or I don't want to I don't
want something to go wrong, and I kind of use
that to say whatever it is that I might need.
And you know, hey, sometimes it's just gonna be a
hard day, maybe be a hard week, maybe be hard month.

(59:53):
But doing that consistently, I know I'm fueling myself and
I'm pouring in there and I feel better what.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Works for kids, Like what rituals do you feel you've
actually been able to pass on because they're young and
I always feel like a lot of parents want their
kids to do things, but I feel like you may
be mindful in knowing what works and what doesn't and
what do they like and what are they not like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Well, I used to force Egypt to meditate. I was like,
you want whatever you want, come meditate.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Man.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
That worked for a while. He's really big now and
he's thirteen, so I feel like I could still kind
of push him into it. But it was cool because
he I think when I do my meditation, he can
say every words Ogan, Genesis. And even though they don't
necessarily do it with me all the time, they know
it and they feel it and they hear it. And
so I do think that idea of kind of like

(01:00:47):
just sitting with yourself again is a great practice for kids,
because you know, this has been long, five minutes, cool,
really quick A lot of the times. I'm also I'm
also talking to my kids a lot about gratitude. I
think gratitude is the key key. It's the most simple
but potent key to changing the energy. I know I

(01:01:11):
felt times before I'm like, I'm just pissed off if
someone did something and I'm like and I'm sick and
I'm trying to do it and i am steaming, and
I'll just like start to list what I'm grateful for.
It changes everything everything. And I try to also share
with my kids that you know, give thanks, give thanks,

(01:01:34):
and also pray, make a prayer for what it is
you're thankful for and what it is you're looking for.
And I promise you you will open every door for yourself.
I promise every time I leave the room. I older ones,
sometimes I'll pray with them. Sometimes I let them, you know,
be in his own zone and I say, don't forget
to pray, Like, don't forget, just be grateful and pray

(01:01:54):
because the gratitude is like it's key. I really do
feel that it's a it's a key ingredient to settling.
And definitely it's joy, which I think is that what
we're all looking for, absolutely right joy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
I love hearing what you're passing on to the kids,
and I think so much of it is then watching
you do it or them doing it with you, right,
And I think you're saying a good example and that
makes it easier because there's only so much you can
tell a kid to do something. But if you're there
doing it, showing up, turning out right, then they join you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
They get used to it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Yeah, they get used to it and they see that
at least Mum values it. And you know, even their names,
they are like Egypt and Genesis, Like I feel like
those names are so powerful.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Man, I love those names.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Yeah, they're really powerful.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
I mean, yeah, Egypt. It has been so cool because
like even just as watching him grow and he's always
been super into architecture and math, and I'm like, man,
maybe that I feel like the name connection really brought
that to him in so many ways. And Genesis is
like whoa. I'm like, we might have needed to rethink

(01:02:59):
name of that, but it's so good. He's so like
kind of strong and clear, and you know, he's he's he's,
he's he doesn't you know, he doesn't bend. And I
really appreciate that for him because I spent so much
of my life bending and contorting and shifting and changing
and trying to please that. I love that he's like no,

(01:03:23):
mm hmm, and he won't. That's it. I'm like Okay,
I gonna need you to try to be a little
bit fluid, like a little fluid on occasion, not every time,
just once in a while. But I love that for him.
I love that he's clear. He's clear. And that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
What's something you've been trying to learn recently or work
on recently internally for yourself? The kids are working.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
I think I've just been working on just listening. Yeah,
I think that we all have such big personalities. I
think I feel for the kids sometimes like the dad
is this huge personality, and we have this big personality,
and I answer every question and I react to everything,

(01:04:08):
and I'm always saying yeah, oh yeah. And sometimes I'm like,
I think I can just be more silent, and I
think I can just actually let me allow them the
space to and everybody the space to just kind of
feel share, say what they're saying without neither encouragement nor discouragement,

(01:04:29):
just like perceive what they're sharing or saying and let
them just speak. So I think the listening is really cool,
not always reacting, not always sharing, not always saying something,
just like being more more, more silent, more taking the space.
Just Yeah, that's what I'm working on.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
Yeah, I love that I can agree with you more.
I think it's like it's such a rare thing actually
for someone to actually just listen and not have a reaction, right,
and for them to know that they can keep I
feel like when you listen that way, people feel like
they can actually speak from a deeper place. They're not
just thinking and speaking, they're feeling and speaking because you're

(01:05:12):
listening from a from a feeling space as well. Yes,
And I wonder how do how do you explain fame
to them or explain or do they how do they
how do they interact with you? Said your big personalities
but both of you have big lives, Like how did
they make sense of it? Or are they still too young?
And they don't?

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
I mean they're pretty present, you know, they're pretty present.
I think about that often. I mean, I'm very much
about I want us all in spaces that feel very
very normal, Like I am very very like about that.
I love to take them to their classes and I
love to jot them off for school, and I love

(01:05:52):
to like we go and we go to the you know,
we go hang out at the park, or we go somewhere.
We do what we do. And I really love that ease,
so I really want to put them in environments that
feel like that. So of course, you know, at the
other side, they're on the tour bus for three months
and that's also different, so they I think, but I

(01:06:12):
do think they have a pretty good balance about it all.
And they're pretty like everyday kids, you know, and I
love that about them too. I wonder how it feels
or how they affect them. They're both very empathetic. Like
I know, sometimes if we're out and someone, you know,
they might have caught someone and want to take a
picture with Ma. Just take a picture of Ma, and

(01:06:33):
you know, when it's the right time, I'm like, okay, cool.
But if it's the wrong time, then it's also But
I'll go say hello, so happy to see you, hope
you're great, thanks for saying hi, And it just might
not be the right time, and that's okay too. So
just showing them the boundaries too. But I think that,
you know, sometimes sometimes I'll say Genesis would be like Ma,

(01:06:54):
you know in school, they're like, that's Alicia Keys. It's
like soone annoying moms annoying. I feel you, that's annoying.
But you could just tell him that's your mom, Like
you could just tell him, I know that's I see
what you mean, but that's actually just my mom. So
you can tell him that. And then each of you know,

(01:07:15):
he's getting big and really strong in basketball, and he's
like doing so many amazing things. He has a great
instinct and you know, really like we'll walk into a room,
will be me and Swiss, and if it's in the
basketball universe, they'll be like, there's Egypt, Like they actually
are starting to know Egypt's talent. And so it's really
good and it's wonderful that he has all of his

(01:07:36):
own space. And I think sometimes he might feel like
that's what I want. I want to make sure that
it's not because of whatever else, you know, And so
I feel for them, but I think that they're pretty
cool about everything. They have a good head on their shoulders.
You know, they're they're kind, they're loving, they're thoughtful, beautiful.
I really I'm really proud of them, for all of them.

(01:07:57):
You know, we have a beautiful, big, blended family. And
I'm proud of all of them because it's like each
has such a special, unique, cool personality and I'm just like, yeah,
I was like really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
I love it. I feel like you've been able to
you know, you've been in the music industry so long.
I mean I want to know how Hell's Kitchen felt
like to be able to take parts of your story inspire,
you know, to see your music on Broadway. I mean
that feels like it was it a different challenge, Like

(01:08:31):
what was what was the what was that like for
you to have to go from recording in studios, making music,
traveling to then doing Broadway? Like what did that look
like for you? How were you creatively involved?

Speaker 1 (01:08:43):
It was definitely as you said, it's been a thirteen
year process, and I think that's made it very cool,
like really almost enjoyable, because whereas maybe sometimes with because
it was such a passion project, I knew it wasn't
all gonna happen quickly or at once, and so I

(01:09:06):
would be able to kind of take myself out of
my like quote unquote normal life and go into this
workshop phase with Hell's Kitchen, and I'd be able to
figure out, like what, you know, what's the storylines? Me
and the writer, the book writer would get to it
and we'd say, here's the themes, and here's the characters,
and here's the stories, and let's start to build this universe.
And then when the director came in, Michael Grife, you know,

(01:09:28):
he was really instrumental. He's kind of like that me
and Chris Diaz, who's the book writer, are a little
bit more than newbies. And then Michael Grive is like
the like the parental figure. He's like, this is what
we do. We do this, we do this, we do this,
We're good. And sure enough we'd be like, wow, we
needed that. We didn't really know where we were going.

(01:09:49):
So he was like a beautiful guide in light. And
then as time passed, you know, being able to connect
with the public theater who who's the theater? Who did
you know Hamilton and chorus Line and all of these incredible,
credible shows, even the softs they did, and you know,
there's so many beautiful things that they that created another

(01:10:09):
level of like clarity and just like refinement and really
being able to bring it to life. So all these
things kind of happen in pockets, like you know, it'll
be a three week process and then we'll hold tight
for a min It'll be a two month process, and
then we'll hold tight a minute, and then it'll be
six months of just heavy and then we'll hold tight
a minute. And so it really gave me the capacity

(01:10:31):
to hold the container for the story and for the meaning,
and I would always be able to come back to
it and say, this feels right or something's wrong about that.
We have to figure that out. And then when we
brought in the choreographer, she became another part of this
beautiful tapestry you and she was creating movement around the
songs in a way that I just never heard it before.

(01:10:54):
And the orchestrator who's also been a partner to me
in many ways musically, Adam Blackstone, you know, we would
create different versions and instrumentals, and I wrote new songs
and so it was all these pieces and parts and
you could start to feel little by little how it
was all the right timing. But I feel like the

(01:11:14):
biggest I want to call it a challenge. I'm looking
for the right word. The biggest growth. Yeah, maybe the
biggest the biggest growth or the biggest awakening that I
had with it was realizing that I could take this
moment and I could almost take everything that I ever
didn't do right and I could fix it. I could

(01:11:40):
learn from it. I could take it the knowledge, and
I could put it into this process and I can
fix it. I could do it right because I actually
had the experience, and so my intellectual experience that I
had gave me the ability to really look at it

(01:12:00):
in a way that I had truly never had before.
And then because of that knowledge, really cultivating the strongest
team of really awesome people in this particular universe to
assist me as a newbie, you know, as a person
who hadn't quite traversed this path yet, was so inspiring

(01:12:24):
and enlightening and empowering to really see that when everybody
is the best at their field, you really can create
something that truly is magical. And so I learned so
much from it. And obviously that's been years and years
and years and years and years, and even just seeing

(01:12:46):
it off Broadway and having to navigate our way through
how can we perfect the story? And there's still more
to perfect, there's still more to craft. And doing that
and being open and listening and really just being open
too was tremendous lee rewarding. So that day when we
got that announcement that we had been nominated for thirteen Tonys,

(01:13:08):
it was freaky the thirteen. The thirteen, it was just
all like, something's really divine here, wow, And it was unbelievable.
So it's been such a hands on I mean, I
am notoriously anal, but in the best, most loving way,
because I just I know what it's supposed to be

(01:13:30):
and I'm not going to let it go until it's
right what it's meant to be.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
Have you always been like that with audio music since
day one and everything? Yeah? Yeah, it takes that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
Yeah. And I've also learned how to like back off
to like, you know what, let it let it flow,
let it vibe. It's okay, you got to back off
of it sometimes. But I'm definitely smidge of a control freak.

Speaker 2 (01:13:52):
How have you walked me through how you've refined that perfectionism,
because in one sense, the reason why you have sixteen
Grammys and you know the rest of it is because
all the successes come from that level of work and
ethic and effort and perfection and you know all of
that like tinkering and iterations and everything. And then where

(01:14:13):
have you learned to let go or what is it
that you've done to flow? At what point do you
allow it to flow? If someone's listening, they're like, Lisha,
I'm a perfectionist too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:14:26):
I think that you know, definitely having the vision for
what you want to create is wonderful and you likely
are the only person that has that vision. If you,
you know, pass that off to somebody, the vision will
shift right, so which might be needed at a certain point.
But I think being comfortable saying I really have this vision,

(01:14:47):
I'm very clear about it, and following that is wonderful.
Then I think starting to let other special not just anybody,
but special folks who you realize they they're additive. You
know that what you create together or what they bring

(01:15:08):
to the table can enhance the vision. It is important
to let that in because if you don't let it in,
you're going to actually steal from the vision ultimately. So
I think that has been a beautiful process. When when
you and when you know that feels right, you know
when it doesn't feel right and it's super hard and

(01:15:29):
it's like a struggle and you argue and everything. Okay,
it's not the right person. You can let that go.
But when you do see that things or people are
becoming additive, it's really good to allow that in, allow
that to come in and then you get inspired more
and you're like, oh, I didn't know that we could
do that. Now I could take that and make it

(01:15:52):
even better because we've brought that part into it. So
I think that's a really special part of the creative processes.
And I have learned that with even songwriting, like so
fun when you start to bring additional energies into the space,
not all the time, so you lose sight of your
vision or of your center. So that's happened to me too.
I'm like, wait, let me go back to the simplest,

(01:16:14):
because I've made this a bit complicated or you know,
overly done. But I think there's something really great about that.
And then you keep seeing that it's growing and it's adding,
and then you can still hold space for the vision,
but allow what helps it in and what makes it
grow in and what makes it better in And I

(01:16:36):
don't think you have to be worried about that. It's
a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
Yeah. I've definitely developed so much more respect and appreciation,
even more than I already had for artists. The closer
I've got to the industry just from watching because you
forget that so many projects are truly pure passion and
that they took ten, fifteen, twenty years. And when you

(01:16:59):
hear about something like that, that you're saying for someone
like yourself who's already successful, already has tons of accolades
in an area that's directly related. But then to think
you had to wait thirteen years and work for thirteen
years to pull that off, you start recognizing that it
takes so much patience and love even when you have

(01:17:21):
already proved yourself. Because I think there's this feeling that
people can get tired of proving themselves or having to
prove themselves. That's right, and it can feel exhausting sometimes,
but the truth is that if you're growing and you're building,
and you have something you care about, you're constantly having
to prove yourself in a new space.

Speaker 1 (01:17:41):
Right, And I think there's something really exciting about that too,
because I think if you could open every door, you
would take it for granted. You know, you go like
an open out door too, and a love an out door,
and yes, can we open every door? Yes, she can
open every door? But is it always going to be

(01:18:04):
easy or the simplest. No, it's going to take time
and you're going to have to figure it out and
work your way through it and come back to those
places that you're like, oh, I gotta dredge up this
confidence again, Like I thought I was good in this department,
and here it goes again, and all those learnings and
challenges that kind of takes you through just being a
human being is I think the beautiful part and the

(01:18:28):
excitement and the thrill and the stimulus. And then you're like,
I am willing to work for this, I'm willing to
put in a time for this. I'm willing to even fail.
And what does that mean? What does it even mean? Actually,
I don't know what that means. I am willing to
work and to try, and whatever comes from it is

(01:18:50):
going to be what I need. It's going to be
exactly what's needed. So's it's beautiful. I really I really
enjoy it. And I really find that I'm more grateful
than ever, for sure for being able to spread my
wings and be ceilingless or the edgeless, because I really
want to be able to explore as much as I can,

(01:19:14):
and it feels really good to keep trying. And but
most important, I think the seed of what you said
is the love. It's that matter. If there's something that
you love, go after it because it's meant for you,
and it might not be the way that you thought
it was going to be, or the length of time
you thought it was going to take, or whatever all

(01:19:35):
the other things are. For man, is I know it's
meant for you if you love it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
Yeah, yeah, you'll get to where you want in life,
just not in the way you imagined it. The timeline
will be different, the way it looks will be different,
the way it feels might be different. Even how you
visioned it may be completely different, but you get that right,
and the journey will probably be better and a better
story than you imagined it to be. And hearing you

(01:20:01):
said that is so so fulfilling. I want to ask
you one more question before we end with a final five,
and these question is more just the way I've experienced
you even today. I'm like, you've been in the industry
for so long, since you're eighteen, you said you know
so much success, moved around, done so many different things,
and I feel like anytime I've been with you, your
energy's always like upbeat. You've always been positive, you've always

(01:20:24):
been giving, like there's always been a really nice spirit
and way about you that you have. And I feel
like you've never become jaded by the industry or jaded
by things around you. And you see that a lot
for people, and not in a judgmental way. You observe it.
But it seems like you've protected and carved out your
space and your like happy place and your safe space.

(01:20:46):
And I was wondering, how have you done that when
so many people can look at something and be like, oh, well,
I don't want to you know, people be like I
don't want to be too Hollywood. I don't want to
do to this. I don't want to go to that.
But it feels like you've been able to protect yourself regardless,
you know, being in a big thing. And I wonder
how you've been able to do that and how you've
been able to cross that.

Speaker 1 (01:21:06):
Oh man, this is I love this question. I think
that one of the back to the gifts of what
I got from my mother. You know, she was always
really kind of somehow she made me think about how
I made people feel. And I remember that. I remember,

(01:21:29):
you know, it'd be simple things. I changed my mind
about going to a birthday party and she would be like,
but how would that make you feel. And so somehow
she helped me to find my empathy and I can
put myself into other people's shoes, and I really appreciate
that was a gift. And so I can look around

(01:21:53):
me and I can feel empathy for other people, like
I want to connect with people I care about that.
I love bringing good I want people to bring me
good energy. I don't want to bring someone else anything
else but good energy. Like I care about the energy
that I cultivate in a space. And I also have
learned that if I can't bring that energy, then I

(01:22:15):
can remove myself from that space. Like I don't have
to be in a space if I'm not feeling good,
you know, because I can also not feel good. I
don't have to always feel good either. That part was
a lesson took me while. I get there too, you know.
But I appreciate that I want to bring that I'm
conscious of what I'm bringing into a space and into

(01:22:38):
a room, and I want what I bring into a
space to be something that feels good. And so I
think that that's kind of that's it. I think that's
really it. And so just the distinction between the two.
Giving myself permission to maybe not feel like I can
feel that space is great, and then when I can

(01:22:59):
and when I'm ready, I do. And that's what I
want to do. I want to bring that, and I
hold other people to that. I'm like, hey, I don't
bring you that energy. I don't. I don't. I don't
want you to bring me that energy. You know, because
my energy is precious and it's important and it's special
and it's just not free. I don't just give it
to those who don't deserve it. So I also had

(01:23:20):
to learn the value back to one of my gaps
of who I am and what my energy is and
what a gift it is to be able. All of
our energy is a gift and we can kind of
choose how do we want to give it? And so
I love that and learning when it's when to give

(01:23:43):
it and when not to give it. It's also been
a part of the journey too. I think I'm doing
better with that. They go to a better man. A
lot of undeserved people got a lot of good Alicia energy,
and it's like, man, no more of that, No more
of that. Like you got to know your limits, you know, Like, okay, cool,
that doesn't mean I have to be on current to
that person, but they don't have to get my best

(01:24:05):
beautiful energy. They can come. Yeah, hold tight over there.

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
And you only realize that by giving it and knowing
that you overgave or undergave right, right, And you only
know that by trying it out. Like I know, there
are people in my life where I believe deserve way
more energy from me because they always have that from me,
and I may be overspent in this area. And it's
like looking at your bank balance at the end of
the month and going where did I overspend and where

(01:24:30):
did I underspend? And the energy is the same thing.
Where did I overspend my energy? And who did I
overspend my energy with? And who did I underspend with?
Fact and let me reflect on that.

Speaker 1 (01:24:40):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
Thank you, Alicia. I i've met. The first time we
ever did the interview was only audios during the pandemic, right,
and I remember, like, obviously, I mean, it's a no
brainer that you have the most beautiful voice, but I
remember just listening to you because we were so present,
because I could just hear you, and it was a time, yeah,
and it was it was a time, exactly. It was
a time. But I'm so grateful to be able to
see all your expressions today and just you know, see

(01:25:03):
you come to life. And we end every on purpose
interview with what we call a final five. Every question
has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

Speaker 1 (01:25:12):
One word to one sentence.

Speaker 2 (01:25:14):
Yeah, I'll probably ask you for more because I always
break my own rules.

Speaker 1 (01:25:17):
All right, I'll try to be swift. I'm not good
at that.

Speaker 2 (01:25:19):
Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's fine at least case. These
are your final five. So question number one, what is
the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Speaker 1 (01:25:30):
Nothing before it's time? My grandmother, nothing before it's time.

Speaker 2 (01:25:33):
I love that one. Question number two, what is the
worst advice you've ever heard or received?

Speaker 1 (01:25:39):
The worst? The worst advice that I ever received was
that I had to kind of change myself to be accepted,
or that I was had to even if I felt uncomfortable,
I should do a thing because it's what you know
was going to be best received.

Speaker 2 (01:25:59):
M Yeah, it's good to hear. I always like to
make a list of all the west advice everyone's had
because people are going to hear it again, right and
hopefully they'll remember this moment when they hear it, good book. Yeah.
Question number three, what was it like to perform at
the Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 (01:26:12):
Oh? Man, it was crazy. It was totally insane. This
is longer than a sentence, and it was I found
it so fascinating because it had to be built. The
whole thing had to be built, and they had to
time it in under three minutes. It could be built,
and then we had to have our performance in the
amount and it had to be and so and it

(01:26:35):
was live. So it's crazy to see a live thing
have to like operate in that level of like finite detail.
I was like in awe. And then obviously the place
and the people, in the vibe and the energy and
it was just like really fun.

Speaker 2 (01:26:50):
Yeah, it was that your dress and the piano and
it was you.

Speaker 1 (01:26:54):
Know, and the underneath the dress was the world's best puppeteers,
so they were actually puppeteers underneath the just to make
it fly like that. That was fantastic.

Speaker 2 (01:27:06):
How did your control freak nature deal with that like
three minutes?

Speaker 1 (01:27:10):
And like the puppetiers, you know, I just we had
practiced so distinctly that I knew everything that was going
to happen and it was perfect, and I just kind of,
you know, control freak until you can't yea. And as
an artist, I just at a certain point when you're
flowing and creating and writing and saying you do just
have to like be in the moment. So the control

(01:27:32):
freak part comes when I'm designing creating the thing, but
once I'm in the thing, you have to just go.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
Oh, So that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:27:40):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:27:41):
That makes so much sense. Yeah, it's a great clarification
on the earlier point two. I love that, And that
completely makes sense in the architecture of the design. That's
with the perfectionistics.

Speaker 1 (01:27:49):
Otherwise though, it's like magic, whatever happens, whatever happens, it's
perfect for that moment.

Speaker 2 (01:27:54):
Yeah, that's beautiful. Question before, what's the first offering you
want me to use? And the first offering you want
rather to use? And I want you to give them
to you now you can share them, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:28:06):
All right, well I want you both to wash your face,
but I want you to use the aura missed. It
has rose. It has rose.

Speaker 2 (01:28:19):
I think we might start spraying this in the studio
every time someone comes in.

Speaker 1 (01:28:22):
And literally it just calls you instantly, and it's I'm
as free as the air, and you always are as
straight as the air. But that's just a beautiful reminder
and my best friend, that's beautiful. These are to let
me Glow serums, and this one, I think is the

(01:28:42):
bronze I give my felt self permission to grow the
bronze Aura. So she's going to get all three of
these because she's glowing and she's so spectacularly authentic. I
just adore her, So let me glow in all of
the shades so that she can just like King, King, King,
King King. She already glows, so we'll give that to her.

(01:29:04):
I can't wait to see her.

Speaker 2 (01:29:05):
I love that. I can't wait for you to see
her as well. That's beautiful. Thank you so much. We're
so excited. Thank you for sending so much for my
team as well. Everybody appreciate it. Appreciate it so much.
Fifth and final question, if you could, we ask this
every guest's ever been on the show, if you could
create one law that everyone in the world had to follow,
what would it be.

Speaker 1 (01:29:27):
I think my law would be that you you you
cannot hurt another being. You canno hurt them physically. You
cannot hurt them emotionally, you cannot hurt them. You cannot
hurt another another being. There's no reason, there's no difference.

(01:29:49):
There's nothing that allows the physical or emotional or spiritual,
you know, negligence or hurt of another being.

Speaker 2 (01:30:02):
And then that's a great law. It's a great law.
And then we'd actually have to look at why we'd
want to hurt others and where that comes from, and
then actually heal our own her as well.

Speaker 1 (01:30:12):
That's that's incredible. I love that. That would be really
amazing if we could look to that.

Speaker 2 (01:30:21):
It's beautiful. At Lasia kids, thank you so much. I'm
always happy when I'm with you. I've always enjoyed collaborating.
And if only I could sing, you.

Speaker 1 (01:30:32):
Know, it's a song, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:30:37):
I'm so grateful and I'm so excited for people to
use Keys Soul Care and to have access to it
and to transform their heart, their soul, their mind, and
their body through this beautiful new offering and even the intentionality.
I was looking at how everything's called an offering. There's
no products. It's called rituals, not just routines. Like I

(01:30:58):
love all of that to it, and I think I
do believe that physical and I'll call them products just
for what I'm trying to say, but I think physical
products is so important to remind us of what to
do internally.

Speaker 1 (01:31:10):
Yes, and we we do them every day. We do
call them product offerings, so you can kind of like
gel the two together. But you're right, it's like the
physical embodiment the embodying of the philosophy or the practice.
And I love that, and you live that. You guys
live that. And thank you for this such such for
these questions that also made me pause and think about

(01:31:35):
how I wanted to share them. And I love this show.
This show is so good, but you know that already
because it's like a smash so what.

Speaker 2 (01:31:45):
The best means the world? Thank you for trusting me
absolutely so much.

Speaker 1 (01:31:48):
It's interesting you too, Thank you big love.

Speaker 2 (01:31:52):
If this is the year that you're trying to get creative,
you're trying to build more, I need you to listen
to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break
into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods
that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving
what you do. If you're trying to find your passion
and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for

(01:32:14):
you Just because I like it, That doesn't give it
any value, like as an artist, if you like it,
that's all of the value. That's the success comes when
you say I like this enough for other people to
see it.

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Jay Shetty

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