We’ve all heard the term “soul mate,” but what about “twin flame”? It’s a term that’s floating around more and more (hi, Megan Fox and MGK), and while it sounds like it’s basically interchangeable with “soul mate,” that’s not the case. A "twin flame" is maybe an even bigger deal than a soul mate, and FYI, you can have both.
Jump to:
- What’s the meaning of a "twin flame"?
- How is a twin flame different from a soul mate?
- Where did the idea of twin flames come from?
- Is a twin flame always a romantic relationship?
- What happens if you break up with your twin flame?
- Does everyone meet their twin flame?
- What are the signs you’ve found your twin flame?
- The stages of a twin flame relationship
What’s the meaning of a "twin flame"?
The general theory re: twin flames is two people who were split into different bodies but share the same soul. Yes, they’re basically one soul in two bodies. Twin flames make soul mates look and feel totally disposable in comparison, since they’re like...super soul mates. “You’ll probably have many soul mates, but there will always be just one twin flame,” says Chris Pleines, founder of DatingScout.com.
Twin flames also have a theme of transformation: Meeting and growing with your twin flame changes you, fundamentally. In You Only Fall in Love Three Times, writer and relationship coach Kate Rose describes twin flames this way:
“Twin flames are highly connected spiritual relationships, the kind of love that we often refer to when we speak about meeting our other half or even The One. This relationship is ultimately destined to not just end with warm nights cuddled up in bed but in us becoming more of the person that we were born to be. It’s the relationship that will lead us back to ourselves.”
How is a twin flame different from a soul mate?
A twin flame and a soul mate are not the same thing, and in fact, you might have both! In You Only Fall in Love Three Times, Rose describes the difference between a twin flame and a soul mate as:
“[A soul mate is someone] that we’ve traveled through multiple lifetimes with, but unlike the karmic love or twin flame, there are no major lessons to learn from them specifically and there is not the sharing of those mesmerizing energy ties, the strong feelings of connection. It’s more like coming home to an old friend.”
Where did the idea of twin flames come from?
According to Healthline, the term “twin flame” was first coined in the 1970s by Elizabeth Clare Prophet, a New Age spiritual leader. In 1999, she published a book titled Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Spiritual Dimension of Love and Relationships.
However, the concept of one soul being split into two bodies is present in many different spiritual and philosophical traditions, such as Plato’s Symposium in the 5th century BC.
Is a twin flame always a romantic relationship?
While some twin flames meet as lovers, others are platonic best friends or even siblings. "Although it is easy to expect that twin flames would always be lovers, that is not always the case," Prophet wrote in Soul Mates and Twin Flames. "A brother-sister relationship does not preclude a soul mate or twin flame bond, as the love of twin flames stretches beyond one or two lifetimes back to the point of creation."
What happens if you break up with your twin flame?
According to PureTwinFlames.com, many twin flames do break up in the early stages of their relationship before finding their way back to each other. This is called "The Separation Stage," and it's often an important step towards getting ready for a true union. However, not all twin flames who break up reunite in this lifetime.
Does everyone meet their twin flame?
Not everyone has a twin flame; not everyone who has a twin flame meets them; and not everyone who meets their twin flame realizes that they are, in fact, twin flames, and not just someone you feel drawn to in some way. But if you pay close attention, you can identify the signs that you have found your twin flame.
What are the signs you’ve found your twin flame?
Think you’ve found your twin flame? Here are some clues:
1. While a soul mate has strictly romantic connotations, a twin flame doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic.
Yes, romance is preferable when it comes to finding your twin flame. Falling in love with someone who totally *gets* you sounds pretty nice, right? However, romance doesn’t necessarily have to be the be-all and end-all for twin flames, explains Pat58, a relationship expert and psychic adviser. Think of a soul mate as someone who would fight to the death for you. A twin flame is more about a connection you share with the person who’s largely built on commonalities from your past.
2. A twin flame’s purpose is to help you teach each other and grow.
“In spiritual teaching, twin flames are two halves of one soul that have united to teach each other profound lessons,” explains Cara Kovacs, NYC-based relationship expert. Your twin flame helps you become the person you were ~meant to be~, and you do the same for them.
3. A twin flame relationship might be very on and off…
Twin flame relationships do not necessarily last a lifetime, explains Channa Bromley, relationship and dating coach. “Once the lessons have been learned, we may or may not stay in the relationship. We do become whole because of the growth and healing that the twin flame relationship provides.”
4. …and the relationship might be super tense and emotional.
Whereas soul mates ~complete each other~, twin flames are more about pushing each other to grow, adds Kovacs. This totally tracks with the idea that with any growth, there’s a certain degree of tension to be expected. Ultimately, though, through any conflict, twin flame relationships are there to help each person heal.
5. You’ll be hyper-aware of the other person’s flaws.
After an initial honeymoon period, “you or your partner will be the one discovering unlikable traits, which will trigger the feeling of anxiety, which might rock the relationship,” Pleines explains.
6. But you’ll feel like you’ve known this person your whole life.
“They feel familiar in a way that you can’t quite explain, but you feel instantly very comfortable with them,” says Kovacs. As you get to know each other, you might come across details in your upbringing that you have in common, such as both being adopted or you might have even been at a lot of the same events at the same time without ever meeting. Kovacs adds that the feeling of meeting your twin flame can be described as intense and familiar at the same time.
7. Your twin flame will feel like “home” for you.
Your twin flame will completely get and accept you. You’ll often share similar interests, thoughts, strengths, and weaknesses, says Paulette Sherman, PhD, a psychologist and dating expert.
8. You’ll act as mirrors for each other.
All this similarity is so you and your twin flame will eventually reflect each other in a way that heals deeply held wounds from childhood or even past lives, according to Kovacs. This mirror-like quality is also responsible for some of the drama you will likely encounter with your twin flame. “Everything that we have spent our lives running from or denying is suddenly in front of us,” says Pat.
9. You won’t necessarily stay together forever.
Sorry to break it to you, but even if you find your twin flame, you might break up. Like any relationship, it all comes down to how you handle your conflicts and differences. As Pleines puts it, “The conflicts that arise during [the crisis stage] and how you solve them will ensure how long your relationship will last.”
10. Not everyone finds their twin flame, but if you do, it has the potential to be a totally life-changing kind of love.
Yep, not everyone gets reunited with their twin flame through their life, according to Pat. However, she adds, if you are reunited, the relationship has the possibility to be “once-in-a-lifetime-ain’t-nothing-ever-gonna-be-the-same love.” No pressure!
11. Your twin flame journey can last many lifetimes.
For those who believe in reincarnation, a twin flame journey doesn't last for one lifetime, but for many. If you and your twin flame aren't united in this lifetime, you may form a twin flame union in another lifetime.
The stages of a twin flame relationship
According to Pleines, there are six stages of a twin flame relationship:
1. Awakening
In the first stage, you become aware of an intense connection to someone else—your twin flame.
2. Purging and Healing
Meeting your twin flame triggers an internal process in which you purge past traumas and begin to heal from them.
3. Running and Chasing
As twin flames become more aware of the connection, there's a push-and-pull energy as they try to separate, but their connection keeps pulling them back together.
4. Surrender
In this stage, the twin flames stop fighting their connection and trust in fate.
5. Harmonization
The twin flames begin to unite and work together.
6. Union
In the final stage, the twin flames work together as a union. This could mean a romantic relationship—but it doesn't have to. It could also be a very close friendship or spiritual connection. This union doesn't necessarily last for the rest of your life, but it will be a powerful force in your life story.
Erika W. Smith (she/her) is the Senior Astrology Editor at Cosmopolitan. She also contributes lifestyle, travel, and sex and relationships coverage. In her decade-long media career, she's become an expert in the "women's lifestyle" beat and has held staff positions at Refinery29, BUST magazine, and HelloGiggles. Her book Astrosex: How to Have the Best Sex According to Your Star Sign was published in 2021.
