Over the years (she says in her ripe, old mid-20s), I’ve become more and more of an alcohol snob. Not that I can afford top-shelf liquor on a regular night out, but I’ve become disenchanted with watery vodka-crans and bagged wine. Sue me! On top of that, after years of living in New York, I’m not so sure that dropping $20 per cocktail is the best way to ~achieve my financial goals~. But I’m not quite a pro mixologist yet either. What’s a gal to do?
Enter the Bartesian: an on-demand cocktail-making machine that lets you whip up drinks for yourself and your dinner party guests at the touch of a button. It first caught my eye as a potential gift (hi, it’s me, your local gift-guide-writing shopping editor), but I wanted to test it out to see if the appliance actually lived up to the hype and price tag. Spoiler alert: As you can see, I’ve since recommended it here, here, and here because it’s just that good.
FYI, Bartesian is offering $100 off any cocktail maker when you spend $400 as an early Black Friday sale!
The setup
Unboxing my Bartesian was almost too easy—the machine is pretty much assembled when it arrives. I chose the smaller Bartesian Duet that has two bottles for holding liquor (just apartment tings <3), and deputy shopping director Kim Duong chose the standard Bartesian with four bottles. All I had to do was fill up the back with filtered water, pour the liquors of my of choice (House of Suntory’s Haku Vodka and Mi Campo Blanco Tequila) into the two glass bottles, and plug it in! It’s so delightfully simple that you could gift this to your tech-challenged dad for Christmas and he’d have no trouble using it.
the two Bartesian models we tested
Bartesian Premium Cocktail Maker
The testing process
Once everything was all set, I enlisted my boyfriend and two of my friends, Taylor and Ellie, to help me test out my shiny new toy by tasting alllll the drinks.
For obvious reasons, we had to start with a round of Cosmopolitans. I inserted the drink pod into the machine, closed the lid, and selected the strength—light for me, because my taste in alcohol would best be described as pls-I-don’t-want-to-taste-alcohol, and stronger for Taylor, who has a self-reported alcohol tolerance “of a large man” (for the record, she is 5'1"). I pressed the button, and voilà! A drink in hand within two minutes. They were so delicious that I even made myself a mocktail Cosmo the next day to sip on while WFHing.
My boyfriend chose to make an old-fashioned (predictable man choice) with some very nice Macallan whiskey on the regular setting and omg that drink was STRONG. Out of curiosity, I made myself a whiskey sour and used the light setting, and ended up with a still sorta strong (but yummy) drink. Win!
We also whipped up some margaritas—a few regular ones and a blackberry one, which Ellie, who self-describes as someone who is “zonked after one Hugo Spritz,” said she’d pay $15 for at a nice bar. Oh, and the Lemon Drop? Probably our favorite of the entire bunch. My roommate, who popped into our taste test for a bit, declared that it was an “11/10” and “tasted like a craft cocktail.” Not bad, huh? I consider myself to be a (sort of wannabe) foodie and overall, I was really, really impressed by how high-quality the drinks were. Ellie even said that the drinks we made were “giving fancy Delta lounge” vibes, and as a longtime Delta girlie, I fear that is the highest praise.
Kim tested the dirty martini pods and told me that they were her favorite Bartesian drink so far. “I usually like my dirty martinis savory and briney vs. sweet, but Bartesian’s dirty martini leaned slightly sweeter than I’m used to and it was so, so good.” She also raved about the lychee martini, saying, “I love how sweet and crisp it is. I’m so impressed by how real the lychee flavor is—no artificial fruit taste here.”
The pros
Let’s start with the obvious—the Bartesian is sleek, shiny, and 1000 aura points-level cool. Seriously, I can almost guarantee that any parent/aunt/uncle/roommate would love to unwrap one of these this holiday season. It’s easy to set up and use, and if you want a drink, you can have one in 10 seconds. The instant gratification is crazy.
Also, if you love to host (or are the Secret Santa of someone who loves to throw a party), the Bartesian is perfect. No more muddling mint by hand for 16 people! Oh, and the drinks? Delicious. All of the testers consistently said that they’d pay double-digit amounts for the cocktails the Bartesian produced. The pods aren’t too expensive either—they come out to $2 to $3 per drink.
stock up on these delish cocktails
Cosmopolitan Capsules
Old Fashioned Capsules
Espresso Martini Capsules
Dirty Vodka Martini Capsules
Margarita Capsules
The cons
Human error is still a thing when it comes to operating the Bartesian, unfortch. At first I had the hardest time trying to select a drink because I, like a grandma, kept tapping the screen...until I realized it was a twist-to-select dial, not a touch screen, lol. I also wished that the machine told you how many shots was in each level of drink strength, and it would’ve been nice if the Bartesian could make carbonated drinks—still holding out hope that they’ll add that feature at some point!
Kim also mentioned that her Bartesian was a little finicky at first and wasn’t pulling any alcohol until she realized that she had to further smush the bottle into its slot to get it to properly click in. Oh, and make sure that you securely close the pod slot lid— otherwise, the liquid might spew out mid-drink-making! (I’m definitely not speaking from experience....)
The final verdict
Move over, espresso machine—the Bartesian is easily my new favorite kitchen appliance. It’s a bit of an investment, but in the long run, it definitely will help me achieve my money-saving, dinner-party-hosting, and staying-at-home-rather-than-going-out-ing goals. The setup couldn’t be easier, the drinks couldn’t be more tasty, and the Duet version is small enough that it can slot right in between my toaster and my air fryer in my NYC apartment kitchen—this baby is a Cosmo-approved gift for sure.
Why trust us?
Hannah Oh is a writer, editor, gadget nerd, and novice foodie. Along with writing about the best sales and deals to spend your hard-earned money on, she has spent hours and hours testing a variety of hot new tech devices, kitchen appliances, and other giftable products for Cosmo’s shopping vertical.
Hannah is the Shopping Editor at Cosmopolitan, covering all things from chic home decor to trendy fashion finds, TikTok products that are actually worth your $$$, and the perfect gift to buy for your boyfriend's mom. She previously wrote for Seventeen and CR Fashion Book. Follow her on Instagram for hot takes on red carpet fashion and pictures of her office outfits that nobody asked for.
