It’s been eight months since Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas officially split, and the Game of Thrones alum is getting candid about the “shocking” aftermath that came from the drama (and, yes, we have an entire timeline of everything that’s gone down right over here). The actor is the recent star to grace the cover of British Vogue—and she did not hold back on the details during her interview.

She revealed her real-time reaction to reports that claimed she preferred partying to raising her two daughters, Willa and Delphine. “I mean, those were the worst few days of my life,” she said. “I remember I was on set, I was contracted to be on set for another two weeks, so I couldn’t leave. My kids were in the States and I couldn’t get to them because I had to finish Joan. And all these articles started coming out.”

“It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother—mum guilt is so real!” she added. “I just kept having to say to myself, None of this is true. You are a good mum and you’ve never been a partier.”

Sophie also opened up about all the legal drama that ensued amidst her and Joe’s divorce—including mediation and a seemingly tiring custody battle over their children. She eventually dropped the lawsuit after reaching an agreement with the Jonas Brothers singer.

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“There were some days that I didn’t know if I was going to make it,” she told British Vogue of the legal drama. “I would call my lawyer saying, ‘I can’t do this. I just can’t.’ I was just never strong enough to stand up for myself. And then, finally, after two weeks of me being in a rut, she reminded me that it was my children I was fighting for. Once anyone says to me, ‘Do it for your kids,’ I’m doing it. I wouldn’t do it for myself, but I’ll find the strength for them.”

While the pair seems to be in a better spot co-parenting their daughters with split custody, Sophie shared that seeing all the headlines about her life was a jarring experience. “I mean, it’s unfathomable the amount of people that will just make shit up and put it up based on a picture,” Sophie said. “A picture might tell a thousand words, but it’s not my story. It felt like I was watching a movie of my life that I hadn’t written, hadn’t produced, or starred in. It was shocking. I’m still in shock.”

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The Dark Phoenix actor also dished about her friendship with Taylor Swift (who is also Joe Jonas’s ex, as they dated all the way back in 2008) and how she leaned on the singer when she was looking for a place to rent in NYC. Sophie revealed that she asked Taylor if she knew anyone renting, but Taylor instead offered her place to her and her daughters for free. “Taylor was an absolute hero to me this year,” Sophie added. “I’ve never been more grateful to anyone than I am for her because she took my children and me and provided us with a home and a safe space. She really has a heart of gold.”