Top critical review
1.0 out of 5 starsSuccesses are absurdly contrived.
Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2016
Wildly contrived. It should be a cartoon. This movie so badly wants the colonization of Mars to be probable it overcomes problems with outlandish solutions, done with silly humor. I didn't find anything humorous or cute at all. Especially when the lead character is munching away and drinking down liquids while talking about rationing. Is Matt Damon supposed to be cute or something? The interaction and negotiations between the administration and scientists were hokey and fake. The Martian, a.ka. Matt Damon, a.k.a. Mark Whatney survives explosions, one of which throws him flying in a spherical container and would have broken bones at least. And the script for the lead character is terrible. One would think he'd be more articulate being a scientist. "I'm going to science the s**t out of this." Oh, ha ha. "Fortunately, I'm a botanist. Mars will come to fear my botany powers!" What? Did this guy get into botanic super heroes? And there was some epic realization how he has colonized mars because he grew some potatoes. Horrible horrible acting when Whatney is in a rover freezing. One does not talk and take deep breaths in sub zero temps. They lock up and shiver. Lot's of overacting really, and lots of "We have Matt Damon so we can really make this character cute." SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER: The sling shot concept to rescue the stranded astronaut is interesting, but are we really to believe Whatney and launch himself in orbit and the space station's precise calculations will put them in the same spot at the same time. Especially when the station is coming to fast. The hook up between the spaceship commander in a jet seat and astronaut in nothing but a space suit was absurdly contrived. To refine velocity and direction on approach, the space station sets off an explosion to slow down and Whatney cuts a slit in his glove to jettison himself, and opening and closing his hand serves has a valve. And it all went off with...well, there was a slight hitch of course, there at least had to be that. The commander sat in a jet seat while Whatney tumbled toward her with his uncontrollable jet glove. Of course, their hands pass through each other but Whatney gets tangled jet seat strap that is connected to the station. Each have a hold of the strap from the jet seat and are winding closer together. The commander sits in the jet seat desperately trying to maintain a grip on the strap while Whatney winds up around her. Not sure why she had to struggle so much since Whatney would have been weightless in space. Another annoying factor was all "no gravity" movement throughout the space station was flagrantly fake...they were all obviously flying and floating on cables. This is one of those movies where you have a popular lead man mixed in plenty of female authority figures and market the thing like it's epic. And why do the directors think Matt Damon can come off as so cute and profound? Whatman is not a well known instructor/professor and he apparently has something profoundly epic to depart to his new students- SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER CONTINUED ----- "Welcome to the Astronaut Candidate Program. Now pay attention, cuz this could save your life. Trust me I know what I'm talking about. All right let me get a few things out of the way right off the bat, yes, I did in fact survive on a deserted planet by farming in my own s**t. Yes, it's actually worse than it sounds, so let's not talk about that ever again. Uhh, the other question I get most frequently is, when I was up there stranded by myself, did I think I was gonna die? Yes, absolutely. And that's what you need to know going in because it's going to happen to you. This is space, it does not cooperate. At some point, everything's gonna go south on you, everything gonna go south and you're gonna say this is it, this is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or get to work. That's all it is, you just begin. You do the math and you solve one problem, and you solve the next one, and the next one. If you solve enough problems you get to come home. All right, questions..." All hands raise. The End. Egad!
