- Randy Harris, Jr.: Shut up, Sybil. Shut up.
- Jennifer ("J"): Sybil?
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Yeah, you know Sybil? The woman with eight home phone numbers? It's not necessarily a bad thing. A plethora of personalities can be very enchanting.
- Jennifer ("J"): Fuck you.
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Fuck you.
- Jennifer ("J"): Fuck *you*!
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Fuck you. All eight of you.
- Randall ("R"): [after refusing J's offer to buy him a cup of coffee] Actually it's almost nine o'clock.
- Jennifer ("J"): Right, so?
- Randall ("R"): Well, I'm usually home by nine.
- Jennifer ("J"): What happens at nine?
- Randall ("R"): I turn into the same person I am.
- Jennifer ("J"): I'd like to propose a toast to all the special 'f' words - to friends, family, fate, forgiveness, and forever.
- Randall ("R"): [on his deathbed] I want you to go to college. It's really important, okay?
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Did you?
- Randall ("R"): Yes.
- Randy Harris, Jr.: What did you learn?
- Randall ("R"): Give me a second, I'll think of it.
- Jennifer ("J"): Technically I'm still a virgin. There was this one day in third grade when Matthew Kingsley came over and we played doctor. He confused my vagina with my anus and took my temperature with a fire engine red crayon. From then on whenever I'd hear a siren I'd giggle.
- Jennifer ("J"): [while shopping for "salesman" clothes with Randall "R"] The last time I had this much weird fun was with the fire engine red crayon.
- Randall ("R"): What's he like?
- Jennifer ("J"): Oh, he's kinda like you.
- Randall ("R"): He's an asshole?
- Jennifer ("J"): Oh worse than that. He's a pathetic loser asshole.
- Randall ("R"): That's my boy. So you *like* him.
- Jennifer ("J"): Nooo. Are you mental?
- Randall ("R"): Totally. I've gotten down with it. I've boogied.
- Jennifer ("J"): OK Shaft.
- Benjamin: Fun? Fun was dropping acid in the 60's. Fun was streaking at my sister's prom. Fun was staging a sit-in at a titty bar on Sunset. This... this is very bad Fellini we're about to enter into.
- Randall ("R"): I'm old, I'm George Burns.
- Jennifer ("J"): Who's George Burns?
- Randall ("R"): I'm Uncle Fester, I'm Andy of Mayberry, I'm Mr. Roper, I'm Grandpa Munster.
- Jennifer ("J"): Okay, okay, I get it.
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Wanna come up for lunch?
- Jennifer ("J"): [Immitating Randy] I'll eat but I'm not talking.
- Jennifer ("J"): [about "R"] And we didn't do it, okay! He's just the greatest person I met in my entire life!
- Randy Harris, Jr.: Turkey and swiss okay?
- Randall ("R"): Listen to me very carefully. I am not getting a fucking tattoo.
- Jennifer ("J"): Oooh, you said the really bad word.
- Randall ("R"): Yeah, I did. I am in fact the boy who cried fuck.
- Jennifer ("J"): Death touched her lips to say goodbye and to always remember the man who touched her first, touched her with his heart. That is forever hers, my first mister. A man of few words. Life of more questions than answers. He awoke in me my heart which beats stronger because of him and all that he has left me.
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