- [Remarking on his preference for radio over TV]: Radio allows you to use your imagination. TV dinners describe what TV really is.
- I am usually called in on a guest star basis. I've worked with practically every star in the business, and I've had all the excitement without any of the crushing responsibilities. The applause that comes at the end of his show means only one thing to the star ... that it's time to start worrying about next week's show. But I just take a bow, walk off, wash up, and go home.
- For God's sake, don't make me pretty! AS - as spoken to the surgeon following a 1959 car accident that required extensive plastic surgery
- I look like a frightened chipmunk who's been out in the rain too long.
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