Dumb gets dumber with unbelievably little sense of tone or grasp on genre throughout this ugly remake of an already stupid original.

There are a few positive ideas occasionally shining through the bloody-fisted shit, or at least small moments where performance and script meet well enough to deliver a heightened comedy that pokes through the gross machismo sweating everywhere else.

Despite only being five or so minutes longer than the original, the pacing is poor and the film drags. Issues are only exacerbated by this Road House never seeming to actually begin, and taking so little interest in developing its wider cast of characters that you wonder why they're even there.

Jake Gyllenhaal defends a dive bar and has a threadbare backstory that makes him a suicidal/homicidal maniac.

The fights are greasy and over-processed, with the shocking early nightmare of a full CGI model of Post Malone and some other unnamed ham-man pushing their meat-blunts into their porky faces in an offensive simulacrum of reality a sure sign of things to come.

The action is choppy and full of (barely) "hidden" edits, utilising unpleasant POV sections late on, the whole thing is visually chaotic and badly choreographed. You don't share in any sense of confusion, you just get your own individual headache instead.

Meta commentary about the idea of a lone hero standing up against a whole town is weak. There is no underlying subtext to justify or condemn the actions of these gym-bro tossers. And there simply isn't enough charm, the philosophically silly Zen of Swayze's original is totally abandoned in favour of an unbalanced chaotic good from Gyllenhaal.

And McGregor needs to eat a brick. Fucking awful performance and most of his dialogue was probably done by AI. He looks like a hairy toddler, he wears the same stupid fucking grin the whole time, and he even has a CGI arse painted on him like he's a fucking baboon.

I get it's not his fault that the film is so dumb, but he is a cherry of extra fecal matter on an already supremely stupid hot ass-fudge sundae. Amazon loves a dad movie.