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The 5th Wave 2016
My issues began at 0:00:01 when I saw Chloë Grace Moretz in the forest with a machine gun.
The state of affairs rapidly worsened until the point at which my brain could no longer process what I was forcing it to experience, and I slipped into some form of semi-conscious coma for half an hour. Following my re-birth from said coma I was significantly distressed to discover there was still over an hour left of the film.
It was at…
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Mommy 2014
ok so i've thought about it for 10 mins and come to the conclusion that I'm never really gonna be able to form a coherant string of sentences about this film that are in equal parts descriptive and * witty * . So here's a list of words and phrases that come to my mind instead:
- another reviewer said this is "full of life", and I feel it really is just that, in the truest sense of the phrase…
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The Men Who Stare at Goats 2009
Ewan McGregor Jedi parody (1.5 hour version)
Honestly this actually slapped enjoyed it so much more than i thought i would
Was actually funny and original and different. To an extent funky fresh.
Also obviously just really stupid, but in a funny entertaining way where they're still actually being creative and original and thoughtful about it rather than just annoying and predictable and cringey
Good fun
7/10
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Nosferatu 2024
O _ O
First of all whoever came up with that blood drinking sound effect needs to be awarded an Oscar and then immediately killed for their crimes against my entire being.
Second of all, this was really good.
Really loved the way it did the rats/plague. So brilliantly weaved between the line of fiction and historical reality, which is so deeply part of the vampire mythology but so often gets overlooked.
Really also agree with the reading of this as…
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Monsters 2010
SO much wasted potential. Like what the actual fuck. The acting was actually painful. The script could’ve been written by a class of 6 year olds. So many things just left so completely unanswered? What was the fucking point of him taking pics and that being such a focus of the narrative? Why do the filmmakers think we actually care about the relationship between these two completely empty characters after only about 15 mins of knowing them and having no meaningful insight into them???
Jesus christ
1/10
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A Complete History of My Sexual Failures 2008
Wow. You know what, I absolutely loved that, and for so many reasons. Beyond its exterior it was such a fascinating exploration of the human psyche in the constantly pressurised modern world. It was also incredibly funny.
Yeah, there were one or two parts which were definitely questionable. But I think when you’re treating this film as what I am, which is a deep, no-holds-barred dive into an incredibly twisted and troubled mind, then a lot of it actually makes…
