1/10
I’d been looking forward to this guilty pleasure for so long. Sony hasn’t a fucking clue what to do with these characters and their attempt to create a spidervillain universe has been abysmal. I needed a laugh so it was finally time. I was sure if I went in wanting a badgood time that I’d enjoy it. That’s on me. I fucked up. It’s not haha bad. It’s agonisingly generic, uninspired, and drawn out and I wasn’t prepared for that. I felt suffocated by the mediocrity. 

The script is atrocious. I cannot express that enough. The most generic beat by beat story ever. The characters, the dialogue, the jokes, the conflict, the action, the villain; all bland. But on half speed. Nothing is snappy. Comedic beats miss coz they spend too long on buildup and then linger too long after. Every conversation is at least twice as long as it needs to be. Everything is exposition and it’s painful waiting for them to catch up to the things we already know. No tension. No emotion. The villain is probably one of the worst ever. Every moment he was on screen made me angry. And his fucking ADR. And Sydney Sweeney’s wig. And then you get to the end of it and realise nothing happened. It’s like the pilot for a deservedly forgotten TV show that never got picked up. I hate hate hated it.