This Road House “remake” was not good. The ingredients seemed promising - Jake Gyllenhaal as Dalton (one of my favorite actors), Doug Liman directing (the director of one of my favorite action/sci-fi blockbusters), and one of the writers of The Nice Guys (one of my favorite comedies) - so how did it miserably fail? For starters, the tone shift wasn’t it. While the original was silly, at least it was badass. The remake was all cheese. In the middle of the climactic fight between Gyllenhaal and McGregor, one smashes their head into a piano and pauses to say “this piano is out of tune” in a completely normal voice. The movie is riddled with idiotic moments like that as the script was overall horrendous.

The characters weren’t any better. This was easily my least favorite Jake G performance. His character became a joke as the film progressed. The supporting characters were equally laughable. They were filling roles laid forth by the original film, but didn’t actually amount to real characters. Connor McGregor weirdly enough wasn’t the worst part of the film as I anticipated. His lunacy matched the vibe well, and his lack of seriousness was refreshing. Road House did not need a remake, and honestly this film barely qualifies as one.