god help us all.

these movies hope that if they crack enough semi-homophobic jokes at their own expense, if they give the manchildren enough corporate cameos, that somehow it wouldn't be exceedingly obvious that the only thing they are actually serious about is telling the lie that any of this stuff means something to begin with -- hey, look, it's the thing you remember, but not really, but sort of, but it's a reference, but it's a gag, but it's ironic, but also heartfelt, but really it's a franchise reset, but maybe a multiverse, but it's also a standalone, but-but-but -- the sheer sweaty lack of confidence on behalf of feige, levy, reynolds and the rest of their marvel goon-squad would be impressive in scale if it wasn't so wretched in effect. devoting an entire $200 million dollar film to sweeping-up the leftover comic book IP of the past 30 years is not only an egregious waste of time, but a further circle down the drain than i ever thought was possible -- the only people who will be pleased by this exercise are disney shareholders and overgrown fanboys, two prestigious communities who scoff at the idea that cinema can aspire to be something more than a content delivery machine.

deadpool & wolverine is like your mother asking you to sort through your ancient toys in the attic: you open up the box of dolls and playsets and action figures, warm nostalgia flooding your brain -- you play with them again for one, two minutes, reliving the glorious salad days of youth.

then you, being a reasonable adult, begin to realize that you just don't care about these things in the way you used to -- you've got different interests, mature hobbies. after a fun little diversion, you pack up that stuff and donate it to the local charity shop, as some contemporary child will certainly enjoy these wares more than you.

then a dude in his 40s walks into that store, buys up all your toys for five bucks, and then sells them for a hundred dollars a pop on ebay to collectors, who proceed to stow them away inside airless glass cases, entombed like miniature pharaohs, never to see the light of day again -- no longer capable instruments of a kid's imagination, they become eternal property, deathless commodity.