“You know, I would’ve done it for ten.”

Watching Ani and Ivan negotiate about her being his girlfriend for a week was intriguing to watch because it’s amusing and bittersweet at the same time. Both of them gain something out of it, but it’s clear as day that Ani gets the short end of the stick. Ani gauges her worth as $15,000.00 to be his “horny girlfriend” for the week. It doesn’t end here because Ani also gives a price before agreeing to marry Ivan, proposing three carats for a wedding ring. Given the fact that Ani’s a sex worker, she has always seen her value in numbers. This left me reflecting about my previous casual relationships, they were all nothing but transactional. 

How much am I worth? Is it based on how good I am in bed? How much of myself I can give? The way Ani sees herself mirrors how I value myself. The thought of being useful to someone is gratifying. Never mind that I don’t often fully enjoy all of it. Sometimes, being wanted is enough. Having a purpose is better than being useless. Reiterating the sentiment of Susie Myerson from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, I don’t mind being alone, it’s just that I never want to be insignificant and unwanted.